Want To
by WestCoastTrees
Summary: ECLARE Reunion Fic that follows them through the semester. Eli and Imogen will stay just coworkers and friends, but sadly I had  to put Cake in because it's definitely happening.
1. I'm on My Guard

**Hi lovely readers, **

**This is a five chapter story that I will put up at once, because I wrote it for my friend iloveeliandclare. I promised her a one-shot, but four days in an airport later this is what resulted. She had been my calm Adam to my Eli moments through this Now or Never business. So far the season has been what I have expected, but I think things are just going to get interesting now between that love square. **

**My twitter is westcoasttrees1 if you are into that. **

**Note: I don't think what happens in this story will happen on the show. In fact, I am absolutely certain that it won't. And a note about this story's Jake and Imogen…they aren't exactly like they are on the show. I just think we don't really know them yet, so these characters are loosely based on what we have seen so far. **

**Anyway, I hope you like it and that you share your thoughts with me in a review.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

Eli Goldsworthy wished he had never accepted the shiny copy of the _Degrassi Daily _from Katie Maitlin's outstretched hand, but he had walked into the school with Adam at his side; he knew that _not _stopping to talk to the ambitious soccer player and aspiring journalist was simply not a feasible option. But he wasn't annoyed; he respected the way Katie treated Adam more than he respected anything these days. The girl was well-educated, confident and sure of herself; Eli loved how beneficial that was towards patiently chasing away Adam's lingering insecurities, something that Katie had proved quite capable of doing. And although things had not worked out the way that Adam had wanted to when he had first gotten to know Katie, the two had managed to overcome that moment and establish a good friendship based on their mutual ambitions of studying journalism.

But Eli would know better from now on than to read the publication that Katie worked so hard to produce on a daily basis. Because…Clare Edwards had become one of Katie's team's regular contributors. It had taken two weeks of determination on Clare's part to convince Katie to actually publish her articles, but Katie had eventually caved; not that Eli knew any of that. And his lack of knowledge regarding the inner workings of the Degrassi Daily led to him feel a sharp pang when he thought that besides her not-so-gentle coverage of 'Love Roulette,' v_ery first thing _Clare had _chosen to_ – _wanted to_ - write was an article titled 'Ten Ways to Get Over a Break-up'. Eli didn't know that Katie had been scrambling to find a short article to fit the space, and when she hadn't been able to find anything else, she had simply opted for the piece that Clare Edwards had written at the very start of the semester. The piece had simply collected dust on Katie's desk for about a month, and when she had stumbled upon it, Katie reasoned that it was good enough to include in order to get the paper printed on time. But of course, Eli had no idea that that was how the piece had come to appear, therefore making his perspective rather different.

Eli's therapist had adjusted the dosage of his anti-anxiety medicine and his therapy had slowly, but steadily progressed, and the days of Eli's all-consuming state of numbness were a thing of the past now. His characteristic ability to feel emotions perhaps a little more potently than your average individual – the boy was a writer, a more sensitive personality type, after all - had returned to him like a tornado; at times leaving his powers of reason far behind. Eli had forgiven the leading actress in his play for the traps that she had led him into at the same time that he experienced a breakdown this semester, because he believed everyone deserved a second chance. Eli knew that the choices that his clouded, foggy mind had made were definitely not the most wise and in hindsight, he wasn't surprised that they backfired. However, he never wanted others to see him that way again. He was deeply ashamed of the way he seemed to be completely unable to control his own life – often he thought that if his fourteen year old self were to walk by him, Eli would be completely unrecognizable to that younger version of himself; he would walk right by him without casting a second look in his direction. With the help of his patient therapist, Eli was slowly dealing with all his ghosts and facing all his daemons and learning to become at peace with the past that he regretted. His kind therapist recognized that the young man was pushing through all of the trauma that had plagued his young life and abruptly ended any semblance of a childhood slowly, but she admired his fierce determination to get better; she had never had a patient that was so young that showed such a…maturity.

The experienced doctor knew that in order for her to help any patient, the patient had to be the one to genuinely wanted to get better; not their parents, or other family members, friends or significant others – and whenever Eli sat across from her in her stylish Yorkville office, her own heart ached at the young man's _desperation _to get better. And she knew that he eventually would; she could him fighting to drag himself head-first out of the cloud of pain and shame and guilt that he had lost himself in. And she told him, time and time again, that he was an extremely mature, and smart, and capable young man – and Eli listened and nodded with a small smile on his face, but…he just wasn't so sure. Eli wasn't so sure he would make it through. At times he couldn't stand to think how his life used to be, and how without a single warning it all slipped away from him. He was trying…trying so hard; to the dark he was no stranger, but this was stronger than anything he had known. But whereas he had previously thought he could fight the shadows on his own, now…he had learned to accept professional help. Eli wanted to believe Dr. Sadler when she emphatically repeated to him that he would make it through, but…he just didn't understand how she could be so sure. To Eli, there were still so many nights where he was sure he wouldn't see the morning sun, and so many days that seemed so dark that he couldn't wait for night to come.

After he wished Adam good luck with the newest edition of the Degrassi Radio show, he slid down in front of his locker and shut his eyes tightly as he hid his face down in his folded arms, pulling his knees as close as possible into his body. He tried to compress his eyelids tighter upon themselves, but no matter how hard he tried, the ten little pieces of advice refused to leave his mind. It was like he had developed a photographic memory all of a sudden, the image of the half-page, two-column article forever imprinted on his mind.

_**Ten Ways to Get Over a Break-up**_

_ By Clare Edwards_

_** "The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is" – Maya Angelou**_

_**Spring is a time of rebirth, and renewal. If you find yourself at the end of a relationship, here are some helpful tips to get over a break-up: **_

_Restore your social life – you no longer have to isolate yourself from friends and relatives. _

_Switch up your iPOD – get rid of all those songs that remind you of your ex. _

_Exercise regularly – exercise produce endorphins, which produce a happy state of being._

_Take up a new hobby._

_Keep yourself busy._

_Try to leave the house more often. _

_ Don't think about all of the "good times" you had with your ex._

_ Don't analyze or dwell about your broken relationship. _

_ Avoid going out with your coupled friends. _

_ Open your eyes and realize there are other potential partners out there. _

Every word that she had written, every black type letter printed against the newspaper haunted Eli like a monster that had been lurking in the shadows for the past four weeks. He tried using the breathing techniques that Dr. Sadler had taught him, he tried thinking of ways to make the play he was writing better, he tried imagining he had never even come to Degrassi…he had tried every mental weapon that he could think of, until the only thing left was the shield of numbness. So then Eli brought the impenetrable shield up; his face developed a blank expression as he slowly raised it out of his arms and he slowly rose off of the floor, hearing the morning warning bell ring. _I can do this,_ he thought to himself. _One class at a time and then the day will be over before I even realize it_, he tried to convince himself, but he knew he wasn't fooling anyone. After an initial confrontation, an embarrassed admission on Eli's part that he had no feelings at all due to his anti-anxiety medication, and…the moment in which Clare had shouted at him 'I broke up with that guy,' in reference to the Eli that she had fallen in love with – a time in which Eli truly felt like someone had shot a bullet through his heart – Eli…was exhausted. He realized that the choices he had made in his attempt to get Clare back made her angry at him and they didn't demonstrate his improvement, but…it was the look in her eyes and the conviction in her voice as she said those words that really hit Eli. In that moment, he realized that…she would never think of him as good enough for her. She would always see him as flawed.

So Eli didn't think he had anything left to give; once being numb was no longer an automatic physiological reaction of his body in response to his medicine and Eli had to make a conscious effort to reach such a state…he knew that he was engaging in the most physically and emotionally draining process a human being could be a part of. It left room…for nothing. That was why writing his play was so incredibly hard; previously, it was as if the words had always flowed for him, but now…now it was taking many re-writes, 'tick-tocks' from Fiona, and…patience from his actors, which Eli greatly appreciated.

He caught the worried looks Mrs. Dawes shot him every once in a while, and the last thing he wanted to do was to let someone down. _Again_. Eli's mom had been a wreck since his accident; despite all of Eli's reassurance that everything was no one's fault but his own, he knew Cece blamed herself very much for being what Eli had heard her call 'a transparent mother' to Bullfrog, one late night as she was crying in the kitchen in Bullfrog's arms. Eli also knew that his dad now felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, a sentiment that he had judged accurately; Bullfrog knew that he had to support both his son and his wife…both were still extremely vulnerable to heading into a darkness that they could easily get lost in. Bullfrog, however, was resolved to do it; he knew there was nothing on this earth that would stop him from being there for his son and his wife. He knew of plenty of rock stars who had been able to overcome their demons with the patient support and guidance of loved ones.

_ Open your eyes and realize there are other potential partners out there. _

_ Open your eyes and realize there are other potential partners out there. _

_ Open your eyes and realize there are other potential partners out there. _

_ Open your eyes and realize there are other potential partners out there. _

_ Open your eyes and realize there are other potential partners out there. _

_That was her final conclusion,_ Eli thought. He wasn't sure which one of her ten points was most painful – number one, _Restore your social life – you no longer have to isolate yourself from friends and relatives _made his heart drop for what felt like an eternity. Eli…hated himself for taking her down this road. He knew that deep down inside, he had known better than that – he just let himself get carried away in the happiness of her smile, and over the entirety of spring break, he had been deathly afraid that his darkness had robbed her of her smile. But when he had been back at school and he had caught glimpses of her smiling at that Jake boy and him grinning back at her…he realized he didn't have to be worried about that. She…was _always_ giggling around Jake. Eli knew that type of boy, and he was _really _surprised that he was who Clare opted for. Who Clare…chose. Because _that_ she did. Eli had tried to win her back; he cast his pain aside and he had made an effort; he tried to reach out when he perhaps should have walked away, only to be met with…

_I broke up with that guy. I broke up with that guy. I broke up with that guy. I broke up with that guy. _

So while Eli's therapy had managed to get him to progress to a point to which he could tell that what he had exactly done to get Clare back was incredibly misguided and inappropriate – and he was now the first to recognize this – he realized that trying to get Clare back was a fruitless pursuit…she'd never want him back.

And now Eli couldn't help but wonder…why Clare wrote this article. There were a million other things that she could have written about, there was always _so_ much drama always in the hallways of Degrassi - but no, Clare just had to rub it in his face even more that she is completely and totally and utterly over him? She had already proven that in moving on with Jake so quickly, Eli bitterly thought. But now she wanted to prove it to the point where she is such so proficient at getting over breakups that it was the first expertise that she chose to share in her journalism career besides her mandatory play coverage? Eli felt like throwing up the more he thought about it – _why was she torturing him like this_? But as he made a conscious effort to get up at once, knowing he needed to be on his way to class by now, he…realized that…Clare didn't think about him for a second after their break-up – he saw her tweets; erasing him out of her memory with a bike ride and giggling with Alli. He…didn't understand why she was doing all of this, but...he physically jolted and wanted to slap himself as he realized that…he was being ridiculous. She didn't think about him at all, so it was wrong of him to try to reason why she had done this.

Eli let himself adjust to the slight pain that was throbbing in his leg on account of him standing up so fast – despite the fact that he was now walking and running well, the pain would sometimes sharply return. However, he instantly regretted taking so long by his locker. As the crowds of students had thinned out as most of them were inside their respective classrooms by now…he could see _him _and _her_. He cursed himself for having forgotten that it was Tuesday – Eli knew Jake had history class right outside his locker on this day of the week, and he cursed himself for ever looking up. He was immediately faced with a sight that completely rattled him. Jake had Clare's thin and fragile body pressed up against a locker, and her hands were flung around his neck, pulling him deeper into her own body than Eli had ever been privy to in his time dating Clare. Not only was he kissing her sloppily, both of them greedily trying to take the lead on the kiss but neither really succeeding, but Eli also watched in horror as his hands moved to the back pockets of her jeans. Eli felt his entire body drop about ten degrees in temperature as he watched, frozen, as Jake hungrily inserted his hands into her pockets, groping and squeezing her body in a way that Eli certainly had never done and that he only considered acceptable to occur inside the confines of a bedroom…if it could _ever _be considered okay to treat a girl that way. Eli sure didn't think that it was. Girls had emotions and needs and they weren't…pieces of meat. But then he noticed that Clare was only egging Jake on, rolling her body into his as if she was ready for this little session to turn into something more - right here in the Degrassi hallway. He felt himself flinch when he heard Clare moan breathlessly and slowly push Jake away as her entire face was completely flushed.

Had it not been for Imogen Moreno grabbing Eli's arm gently and walking him towards the auditorium, Clare Edwards _would_ have been able to see the reaction of her sole intended audience member to her little performance piece. Jake, for his part, was much too consumed in catching Marisol's flirty glare from inside the classroom to notice Clare's look of anger at the fact that the only look at Eli that she caught was one of him walking away with Imogen chattering away in his ear.

"What a _dumb_ article. Dumb flighty topic, dumb writing, - just dumb, dumb, dumb. Let's go, Eli, I _need_ to read your amazing writing to make up for the brain cells that I lost reading that waste of paper and ink," Clare heard Imogen shriek as she pulled the newspaper from Eli's hands and…ripped it to shreds.

The eccentrically-dressed girl turned around for a slight second, purposely locking her gaze with Clare's, having been able to read the situation of Clare's little show at once. Clare was now the one who flinched as Imogen cast her a cold stare and a pronounced smirk as she tossed all the bits of paper all over the hallway, and mouthed the word '_Trash_'.

Imogen hated Clare with every fibre of her being, and she wasn't afraid to show it – she had no use for pretending anymore. And in this instance, Imogen's aggressiveness had winded Clare. Clare knew that Imogen was smart, and that Eli was at his most vulnerable when the girl had pounced on him. But Clare also knew that Eli…didn't reciprocate the girl's feelings for him. She knew that Imogen was playing her cards perfectly, laying out a very convincing argument that she would stand by Eli and help him in the way that Clare never did, and Clare wasn't completely sure why Eli…didn't just head into Imogen's open arms after being presented with an argument like that. Eli seemed to…just tolerate Imogen's presence in Clare's opinion, and the grade ten girl was rather correct in her opinion.

Eli didn't have any romantic feelings for Imogen, especially after she had shown her manipulative ways to him and Eli had snapped out of his little initial trance when he first met Imogen. Eli…just wanted to be her friend. After all, Imogen had offered a hand up when he couldn't get up, and she was the lead actress in his play. She was patient with his many rewrites as he struggled to reflect a complex tale of a high school romance gone wrong the perfect way. Eli's writing represented the only avenue he had of coping with his feelings, and as his feelings were still a wild flurry, so was his writing. Eli knew the success of his play depended on Imogen's acting, and he knew that he needed to maintain a good working relationship with her. Eli hoped that Imogen would soon understand that he…just wasn't interested. He couldn't be. He had tried to explain this to her twice now, and Imogen now seemed to genuinely understand. The boy's heart was not open for love anymore. He wasn't sure that it would ever be again.

However, what Eli didn't know was that Imogen had other plans. She could tell that Eli wasn't completely reciprocating to her advances, but she just shrugged it off as him needing more time to her over…Clare Edwards. The girl who Imogen hated. In Imogen's mind, it was _her _fault Eli was the way he was now. It was _Clare's _fault that he no longer fully had confidence in his writing, it was _her_ fault that his mind didn't have one moment of lucid peace, it was _her_ fault that Eli couldn't fully keep pace with Imogen's walking at times due to sudden bursts of pain in his leg, it was _her_ fault that he felt like a freak between his medicine and his therapist appointments, and it was _her_ fault that Eli wouldn't just…agree to date her already. Imogen realized that Eli's vulnerability was…rather perfect at this time, and she knew she had Clare Edwards to thank for that, but her deep hatred of making Eli afraid of relationships outweighed everything else. Imogen saw the looks Clare and her little gossipy friend would cast her way, but she just glared back with an intensity that she had perfected for many years now…she wished for nothing more than for Clare Edwards to do as much as d_are to _talk to her again, to approach her with that fake smile of hers; because then Imogen would feel like it would be carte blanche to unleash her ways on Clare.

Imogen held back for the time being, knowing she would _definitely _lose the little progress she had made with Eli – he still flinched when she took his arm in the hallway as they headed towards drama class – would come crashing down if he ever saw her picking on his precious little Clare Edwards. So Imogen jut bit her tongue and never did _too much_ to Clare, as much as she wanted to. Her blood boiled when Clare would throw jealous looks her way whenever she caught her sitting with Eli and talking to him, and she wanted to scream at her, but she wasn't that much of an…amateur. Imogen often wandered what Clare wanted, and why she thought she had the right to glare at her angrily. She had gotten to have Eli already, and she kicked him to the curb the first chance she got. Eli was single now, and Imogen wanted him – she thought Clare had never deserved him in the first place. She reflected that she appreciated Eli like Clare never had; Imogen considered Eli the prize of Degrassi. He was so talented at his writing, and he wasn't like all the other immature boys that walked these hallways. Eli had a mysterious depth to him and Imogen wanted Eli to be hers. S_he _liked his complexity and the way that he boy demonstrated that he was truly unique and she figured that she had every right to go after him.

After all, Clare Edwards even had a new boyfriend now – that Jake boy that Imogen had seen kissing Marisol late one night, when Imogen had fled her dad's house upon finding out that he wouldn't be back for the weekend from his conference like he had promised he would. Imogen didn't want to spend the weekend alone with her dad's girlfriend, so she had walked out at midnight, and she saw the two kissing on a bench. It really hadn't surprised her, though she did wonder what could possibly be so interesting about that boy that two girls were interested in him and many others giggled in response to his disgusting flirty little winks that Imogen saw him cast those girls in the little Power Squad uniforms during math class. He was so…ordinary. She could not, for the love of God, ever imagine herself being attracted to such a no-depth ladies' man. He was…too predictable. Imogen just shrugged at the sight, however – the fact that those two were making out wasn't really useful to her. It wasn't information that she could benefit from at all; on the contrary, Imogen wanted Jake and Clare to stay together as long as possible; she was afraid Eli would get his hopes up if his precious little Clare Edwards was to become single all of a sudden again. And that Jake boy didn't look too prudent; Imogen hoped he could hide his little two-timing deal for however long it would take her to convince Eli he belonged with her.

Imogen had looked over at the boy on the bench and…she had been ecstatic that her Eli was…so different. Imogen never cast a second glance in the direction of Jake Martin. She understood his power over girls – apparently he was attractive, although she sure couldn't see it; all she saw was a cocky boy who didn't have a lot of things to be all that confident of. But Eli…Eli was a boy who truly committed to his relationships, fought tenaciously for them, and didn't make fools out of the girls who he dated. Imogen knew that that deep commitment was a rare thing to come by, and she also realized that it was a large part of the reason why Eli was so destroyed by his break-up with Clare Edwards; the girl reasoned that Eli had cared for Clare a lot more than Clare had cared for him. But _she _wouldn't make that mistake. She didn't agree with the philosophy that she had seen Clare tweet; some sentimental cliché about how if sometimes it's best to let go. Imogen didn't agree with that at all; she believed with all her heart that if you loved something, you _never _should let it go; you should hold it in a death grip, nice and close to you.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Do you have enough lunch, baby boy? I just picked up these amazing chocolate muffins, here, let me put one in your bag," an incredibly concerned Cece told her son, placing the treat in a brown paper bag before Eli even got a chance to process her question.

Cece continued, "Did you sleep well?" and Eli flashed his mom a small smirk that did nothing to convince her as he answered, "I did, mom. Don't worry". He didn't share with her that since his accident, he had not had a single night where he was permitted more than five hours of sleep. And never just a minute of _restful _sleep. Eli was worried about usually merry-hearted mom, and he didn't want to make her even more distraught than she already was. That is why he continued his act of putting on a brave face at home as well…he didn't even have peace at home. His only sanctuary had become his now clean room, among his books, writing, and music.

Eli didn't tell Cece that he practically never slept anymore, and he didn't tell her that he never ate anything more than an apple a day at school. Eli really tried at dinner, just for his mom's sake, but he wasn't very successful. He didn't want to deceive Cece; he knew that the only reason why she didn't insist that he eat everything was because she thought he finished the large lunches she lovingly prepared him, but he…just could never stomach more than just one apple. The first week, he had tried – for his mom's sake – for…eating all those other things just seemed…so exhausting…and Eli was already so tired. He had always had a skinny frame and while he had never previously given such things any thought, he was now eternally grateful for it. Wearing an undershirt and sometimes a tie under his red Degrassi polo…Eli knew that you couldn't tell how much skinnier he had gotten. Eli knew that no one would notice. He didn't want to eat in the cafeteria anymore; Clare and Jake's little sessions would definitely cause his lunch to rise up every day, so he just quietly took his lunch in the computer lab after Ms. Oh had kindly permitted it. Eli had the feeling that she had only approved due to the concerned and sympathetic look Principal Simpson had cast her when Eli had first asked her, but he chose not to worry about it. He liked the arrangement; he valued the little semblance of peace that he could now obtain at Degrassi.

However, it only really lasted one day; Imogen had found him at next. Eli knew there was no point in hiding from her in another room; she'd just find him again. After the first week, she had caught on to the fact that he just wanted a little bit of quiet at lunch while he worked on writing the play or just read the works of his favourite writers, and Eli was grateful for the silence she allowed him. He gave her small smiles when Imogen would play songs that Eli liked; he never knew how she knew his favourite bands, but it didn't surprise him; Imogen somehow knew everything about him and Eli was too tired and too exhausted about always talking about his past to try to figure out how the girl got all her information. Besides, he knew that Imogen's attempts at comfort, such as playing his favourite songs off the school computers, was just her attempt to make him feel a bit better. He wished it could have worked. He had eventually asked her for a bit of alone time at the end of every lunch hour; he thought about telling her he needed to use the washroom – she couldn't possibly follow him in there, especially after the controversial nature of bathroom visits that had occurred at the school recently – but Eli didn't like lying. He had lied enough to Clare and he hated himself for it. But Imogen had accepted the news with kindness, telling him that he could always text or call her and she would answer.

_I'm always one phone call, text, email, or tweet away. Don't you forget it, Eli Goldsworthy,_

Her voice rang through his head, and he genuinely appreciated the girl's efforts…but he just wished that they would be sincere friendship intentions, not…ulterior motives. Eli so needed a friend, and Adam stood by him beautifully, but he was really involved with the radio show and just didn't have a lot of spare time.

After patiently writing notes that followed Mr. Betenkamp's and Coach Armstrong's lectures in his morning classes and diligently working on the homework the teachers had assigned after they had completed their lectures, Eli headed to the computer lab and began working on the script for the play. He saw Adam and Katie walk by and he shot Adam a genuinely happy smirk and a thumbs up, and when she saw Clare and Jake walking hand in hand – her face red and her voice letting out incessant giggles – he turned his gaze away at once and inserted his ear buds in his ears and turned the volume on his iPOD all the way up.

It wasn't a second after that he saw Imogen's black nails surface before his gaze, and the girl gently pulled out his ear phones and gave him a small smile. She could tell that it had been a hard morning for Eli. She didn't know just what had happened, but all she did was ask Eli if he wanted some of her lunch, as she always did, only to be met with the same response – a polite, 'No, thank you' as Eli slowly pulled out his apple and every bite…seemed like such an effort. Imogen took a seat in the computer chair next to Eli and immediately YouTubed the entire Dead Hand album and pulled out her own homework as she just quietly sat by Eli's side.

_He doesn't deserve everything that he puts himself through, _the girl sadly thought, feeling a pang of guilt at all the things…she had put Eli through. Was she no better than Clare Edwards? She thought in a panic, as she took in Eli's tired gaze.

Imogen wanted to gage where Eli was at, so she gently said, "The play is amazing, Eli. Your writing…it's so emotional and moving,", because it was what she honestly thought and she wanted Eli to be able to draw pleasure from his talent and hard work; she wanted him to recognize just how special he was. But for the first time since beginning to befriend Eli, Imogen was afraid that Eli…would never get better. He seemed to be in a place so dark that he couldn't see the light reaching for him through the stormy cloud.

"Thanks, Imogen," Eli softly replied as he scribbled something down on a piece of paper. The two spent the rest of the time in a comfortable silence, and when Eli packed up his things just fifteen minutes before the end of lunch, Imogen gave him a sad smile, knowing he didn't want her to follow now. This made her sad, but she treasured the time she got with Eli – just one on one like this, at every lunch hour – so much that she decided to just be happy for the moment. Imogen…just couldn't understand what was so great about being alone. And anyone who knew the girl's life story couldn't blame her for feeling that way.

Eli took a deep breath once he left the computer lab, and he headed outside the Degrassi doors holding his brown paper bag in his hands. He walked to his table – the one furthest away from the entrance, sat down, laid out his writing in front of him and put on his iPOD and did what he did every day just before the end of lunch these days.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clare Edwards was returning from a lunchtime date at the Dot with Jake, her frantic requests to get back to school already making them arrive ten minutes before the bell was due to ring. Clare was trying…but she didn't know if she could off on a certain conversation with Jake much longer. Clare knew that Jake didn't have a lot of experience with relationships in the past, and she chose to believe that's what they were doing did end up feeling much like a 'friends with benefits' agreement after all. She didn't know where…to draw the line, and she knew she was beginning to develop feelings for Jake. She wanted the real deal, and she wanted it now. She wanted Jake to…drive her places and pick her up regularly – not only when he knew they were going to her house and no one was there, and to worry about what both of her parents would think of him, and to care about her writing, and to listen whenever she was upset and not just dismiss it as her being 'overdramatic,' his favourite epithet for her. Clare also was worried about the fact that after she had suggested not telling their parents about their relationship when they had just started dating, Jake had first seemed to be indifferent, or even tend towards telling them; but when Clare suggested that they should a few weeks later, Jake seemed very adamant to not tell them. Clare had wanted to please him, so she agreed, but she couldn't help feeling really guilty about deceiving her mom, letting her think she was single.

Deep down inside, Clare knew that she was a relationship type of girl, and she was no longer sure of what she was doing with Jake here. She wanted him to explicitly commit – long term -, but she didn't want to ask him; she wanted him to want such a thing of his own free will. And she wanted Jake to take her on proper dates at night; so far the only time they had done that was an awful dinner at Little Miss Steaks that really was more Clare inviting him and Imogen paying. She then saw Marisol wave at Jake – but not at her – and dismissed it as Marisol not liking her because of her troubles with Katie, perhaps a little faster than she should have. Clare decided to stop being such a worry wart – Jake always told her she had a huge tendency to act this way – and she just watched as him and Marisol pleasantly talked about some sports thing that Clare had heard about but really knew nothing of.

Marisol left quickly and Jake leaned in for a sloppy kiss that Clare responded to at once, wanting the same feeling of freedom that Jake's kisses always brought her to overwhelm her. When the first one didn't do it, she demanded another, and Jake happily obliged. And when the second kiss hadn't done it either, Clare took a risk and decided to ask Jake something; she had thought about ways to encourage him to make their relationship feel more connected and…the only conclusion that she had been able to reach was that…her and Jake needed to be good friends. Just like…she and Eli had been friends, but just…in reverse, Clare thought. She nervously fiddled with the bottom of her blouse as she wondered if…that would work. If that was possible. If…they had anything in common that was strong enough to build a friendship on. Talking with Eli had always come easy to her, but Jake liked a lot of different things that Clare didn't know anything about, and a lot of her passions Jake didn't understand, so often it was…just easier to fill moments of awkward silence with kisses. Clare sadly reflected that Jake didn't really like writing, or…going on adventures through Toronto. Jake hated the urban environment, but there was one thing that he liked that Clare did too – it was just another example of Jake's normalcy and stability, so as she led him to sit down on a picnic table, she shyly began,

"Jake…do you think you could teach me how to drive? I started to learn," Clare faltered, "But I never finished, so I thought maybe you could teach me…on your gorgeous truck," she said with a smile.

Clare then watched as Jake's face turned into a frown at once and he quickly answered,

"Clare…_no one_ drives my truck but me, you know that; it's my baby. Maybe your mom can take you to Drivers Ed or something," Jake said and he watched Clare's face turn red at once, making him wonder why it always did that. Jake thought he had managed to pull the girl away from all the drama she always seemed to have in the triumphant moment when Clare had chosen him over that freak – as she should, of course – but he still found Clare to just always have…so much going on. And he was starting to get irritated with the fact that Clare's problems always seemed to become his own; Jake was happy to deal with Eli, but…was drama ever going to end with Clare? Whether it was newspaper drama, or Alli drama, or drama about her mom and Jake's dad…Jake was starting to get fed up. And he d_efinitely _didn't like Clare's little proposition of all of a sudden invading yet another area of his personal space – his truck, for crying out loud! Jake felt like that was a truly ridiculous question and he wondered if it had anything to do with Clare attempting to cleverly get him to commit to more than what they were doing right now. Jake figured Clare should know better than that; he had already explained things to her and they had agreed to take a risk and just be together anyway, or at least that's what Jake interpreted that moment as. But Jake had noticed Clare getting more physically aggressive with him lately and he loved that – he figured it wouldn't be long now – but he had also noticed her asking for rides and asking stupid questions about relationship crap that he didn't want to deal with.

Jake knew the expiry date on the little agreement him and Clare had come to was approaching fast; he could tell – the minute she'd finally gather up enough courage to explicitly ask him for even more, he knew he'd be done. But she hadn't done that yet, Jake reasoned, so there was no reason to pull the plug on a good deal – Jake wasn't blind; Clare was hot. And he didn't want to end things until he really had to, because he had been impressed with Clare's progress in their relationship lately. He knew all it would probably take would be one cabin weekend, and just in case she'd pull away before that…well, there was always Marisol. He wasn't dumb; he didn't really want to have an in-between period between the two girls, so he had set up things so that he could pick off wherever he and Clare would leave off with Marisol later. Jake was actually rather pretty proud of the way he had arranged things, he thought, and his absent-mindedness caused a smirk to form across his face as Clare was processing his rejection of her request and…grimacing a little at the sight.

Because as Clare watched Jake meanly kick at the little black birds that always hung around the outside of Degrassi – she knew that Jake always found the way they would boldly climb onto the table extremely annoying – and observed the little fragile beings fly or skip away at once in fear of his stomps, she also caught a glimpse of a rather different sight occurring at the picnic table that was the furthest away from the school. All the little black birds that Jake had angrily scared away had joined several others, as a certain sad-looking boy in a red polo and black tie with his iPOD in his ears and his black notebook laid out in front of him was throwing bits of a chocolate chip muffin their way. Clare was taken aback at the sight, but Eli never glanced her way; he didn't realize that she was even outside – these fifteen minutes of peace were a time of that Eli deeply valued. Peace was so hard for him to come by these days. He liked the little black birds and it was clear that they were hungry. And _that _was one problem that he knew he could solve. So he would. Every lunch time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Three weeks later, Clare Edwards was walking to school with Alli Bhandari, trying to focus on Alli's incessant chattering about Dave but finding it extremely difficult to do so. Clare's mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Jake and how three weeks of her attempt to build a solid friendship and find things to do together _other than _making out on Clare's couch or bed had proved to be fruitless. They had actually backfired – Clare would get scared when she saw Jake get mad or frustrated with her attempts – scared that he'd walk out and that another failed relationship would mock her, bringing back the flood of memories that her contact with Jake had blocked out. So whenever she saw that he attempts at going beyond just 'hanging out and having fun' would bother Jake, she'd attempt to make up for it by being more bold with him – letting him touch her here and there, lay her down on her bed, and guide her hands to places that she had never touched before on a boy's body.

And it worked. Every single time.

"Uh – hello – Earth to Clare Edwards, Alli said to her best friend, causing Clare to jolt, only to have her glare fall on a car that she recognized at once as Bullfrog's.

Clare watched as the door opened and Eli awkwardly made his way out of the vehicle – it was obvious that he still had some pain in his leg despite the fact that his cast was now off. Clare watched as Eli shot his dad a sad smirk and said his goodbyes. She then felt her face fall as she could hear Bullfrog wish Eli a good day at school, and Bullfrog cast his son a sad look as he added,

"Eli…this too will pass, boy. Time heals everything".

Clare saw Eli nod at his dad, but she could tell that the smirk that Eli cast his dad was meant to reassure Bullfrog – it wasn't sincere. As Bullfrog pulled out of the parking lot, Clare was saddened at the fact that…vague advice like that wasn't what Eli needed; it was just…well, Clare could only categorize it as a melodramatic cliché. Clare felt her heart physically ache as she hoped that…Eli's parents were at least standing by him and that his therapist provided him with concrete, applicable advice that would help. Because despite the fact that their only contact these days revolved around Clare's newspaper coverage of the play, she could tell that Eli so desperately wished he could get better.

Part of Clare couldn't believe the way that she had lashed out at him, yelling, "I broke up with that guy" – she was definitely convinced that Eli's actions were unstable and indicative of everything that had caused her to break up with him in the first place, but…she wished that she wouldn't have yelled at him like that. She felt guilty about the hurt that she knew those precise words must have caused Eli.

As soon as Clare caught Eli lock his gaze with hers, she saw his face fall and he quickly turned away. Eli couldn't stand the look of pity on her face. He bitterly thought that he didn't need her pity; he had never wanted that and he surely didn't want it now. So Eli just headed inside the school, passing Jake in the hallway, the taller boy meeting Eli with a glare and Eli just gave him the tiniest of scoffs in return. Eli was a smart boy, and he knew that Clare had chosen Jake because he was the exact opposite of Eli – calm, laid back and very…normal. He knew that Clare had clung to the stability Jake represented for her but he also couldn't help but wonder why Clare didn't see the many clear warning signs about Jake. Because as Eli watched a group of girls dressed in those little Power Squad uniforms circle around Jake and giggle madly, he knew at once the type of boy that Eli was.

Eli's first class, history, was pleasant but slow – theatre was his favourite class this semester and he couldn't wait for the bell to ring.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

One hour and a half later, Eli had relocated to the auditorium, and he sat down as he watched Fiona expertly tell one of the actors,

"Never turn your back to the audience – just do a three quarter turn," and Fiona demonstrated what she meant. The play was progressing well – Eli could tell that Mrs. Dawes was pleased. Fiona would now excitedly squeal at the end of every scene – her director's instincts were telling her that the play was reaching its optimal peak. She would always tell Eli that her brother would be so proud of her for directing the production. Fiona's kind heart led her to always make sure to compliment Eli's writing as well – after seeing Eli fall apart after his choice to take his health into his own hands, Fiona had sat down and had a heart to heart discussion with him once she saw Eli recover from that trance. She had completely opened up to him and explained to him that…she had done the same thing, choosing not to fill the prescription that her therapist had given her and to self-medicate with alcohol instead. Fiona had wanted Eli to not feel…so alone. She knew that feeling and she couldn't imagine a worse one, and ever since that moment, their friendship had become even deeper, something that truly helped them both.

Adam had emphatically encouraged Eli to develop a friendship with the girl, telling him Fiona had excellent taste in movies and consequently understood storylines and production well, and he assured Eli that everything was okay between him and Fiona. Ever since the age of four or five – and that was so long ago – Adam had never had to face confusion – he knew he was a guy, just born with the wrong equipment. However, he could imagine how different everything must have been for Fiona, and he had found forgiveness in his heart. After all, if he could come to terms with Drew's choice of dating Bianca when his brother had done so, Eli and Fiona forming a friendship as they put together the school play was nothing major in perspective.

Really, above all, Adam really wanted Eli to have just one happy experience in his life right now; Adam had not been impressed by the way that Imogen had manipulated Eli, but he was proud of Eli for showing her forgiveness, because Adam had observed Imogen be a true good friend after that conflict. So much had already happened to Eli between Imogen's ways and Clare's newspaper coverage of the play that Adam knew that Eli had been stretched to his limits already. He didn't want anything else to happen to his best friend; Eli needed peace right now. Adam knew that despite the brave face that Eli had put on, he was still reeling from his break-up with Clare, and from all the things that she had yelled at him ever since. But Adam knew that not only was Eli absolutely devastated, but that he was still very much in love with Clare. And Adam worried that not all of the changes in seasons in the world could change that.

"Imogen, are you all right dear?" Eli heard Mrs. Dawes ask, and he knew why she had posed his question as soon as he looked at the girl. Not only had she missed her cue – something very unusual for the truly talented actress- by her face was so pale and her entire body was shaking. The look in her eyes told Eli that was completely sincere – the girl had stopped her manipulative ways around Eli, once Eli had found out about them, snapping out of his Imogen-induced trance. Imogen had been scared that Eli would never forgive her and that he would refuse to talk to her again. So she Imogen had kept up her insistence on conquering Eli, but only privately. And she did genuinely want to be a good friend to him; she felt guilty about everything that she had put him through.

Imogen was starting to sincerely get more worried about Eli, and she wanted the play to be a success to impress him, but…she really wasn't feeling well. She had spent most of the last night walking out in the rain – her dad had finally returned from his conference and Imogen had hoped that he would take her to the 'Taming of the Shrew' production of the Toronto Arts Club like he had promised her that he would. It was the last night of the show, but her dad had only been interested in doing only one thing upon his return home. Imogen watched her in disgust as he led his girlfriend up the stairs, picking her up much like that Jake boy picked up Clare Edwards sometimes outside the school before they'd drive off in his truck. And Imogen definitely didn't want to be in her house while her father was doing _that_ with a woman who was only six years older than her, so she had fled the house at once. Not that she expected anyone to notice, of course.

And Imogen wasn't mad at her dad; she was mad at herself – she should have known better than to let her imagination carry her away and produce a vision of her and her daddy – just the two of them, not with _his girlfriend_ there as well. She should have known that her dad didn't care about her ever since he had met Debbie. _Debbie,_ what kind of a name was that anyway, Imogen thought bitterly. Imogen knew that her dad _must have _cheated on her mom for a long time before her mom had found _that_ email, but what she didn't understand was why her dad had gone through the trouble of hiring the best divorce attorney in Toronto to ensure that a picture of neglect and lack of ability to take care of a child would be painted of her mom. Especially since the girl's mother was the kindest, sweetest person Imogen had ever known. She didn't understand why her dad had paid all that money – she saw the lawyer's bill; and the twenty five thousand dollar total didn't surprise her. She was sure that the lawyer must have had a large imagination and special ways to argue the lies that he did to the point where a judge actually believed them. But deep down inside the girl did know – as much as she longed to think that it was because her dad genuinely wanted Imogen to live with him, she knew he had really acted so stubbornly just to upset her mother. And possibly also because his surgeon's God complex couldn't possibly handle him actually losing a battle.

The girl's father had played a cruel game for his own selfish stubbornness and the person left to suffer most severely was his own daughter. His intention of hurting the girl's mom had been successful – the kind lady who had spent her days arranging a lovely home for him, cooking his meals and ironing his pants had been all but driven insane at the loss of her daughter, the apple of her eyes. Having gotten married right out of college and never having held down a job of her own, after her painful divorce, she suddenly found herself completely unemployable in Toronto's competitive job market. She then had to move to rural Alberta in order to be able to sustain herself. And to make matters worse, when a fourteen year old Imogen had stolen her dad's credit card and run away to her mom's house in Alberta, Imogen's dad once again contacted his shark lawyer and the girl's mom was issued a restraining order preventing her from seeing her own child.

"Imogen – are you all right?" Mrs. Dawes repeated, but the girl's weak nod did nothing to convince the experienced teacher, not did it do anything to calm down Eli and Fiona's concerned looks.

Mrs. Dawes approached the girl and gently guided her to sit down on one of the bleachers in the drama room, and just as the experienced teacher suspected, the girl's forehead was burning.

"Imogen, dear, you're burning up. You shouldn't be at school. I'm going to call your parents so they can come pick up and you can rest in the nurses' room until they get here," she instructed.

Eli's face then fell as she heard Imogen shyly whisper to Mrs. Dawes, "Don't, please. They wouldn't come anyway," and the look of embarrassment on Imogen's face took Eli aback – he had never seen Imogen be anything but perfectly confident. But as he heard her talk about her parents wouldn't come pick her up when she was obviously sick – Eli understood at once why the play's leading lady was so…theatrical outside the classroom as well. Imogen had tried everything under the sun to get her father's attention after moving in with him and his girlfriend, but nothing had worked, so the girl had quickly noticed that the attention of people of her own age was much easier to obtain. Everyone seemed to have a flare for drama in their teen years, and Imogen knew it.

Mrs. Dawes then saw a concerned Eli step forward and say, "I'll take her home, Mrs. Dawes". The teacher approved at once – she knew Eli Goldsworthy was not only not very responsible, but also very protective, and Mrs. Dawes knew that he must have realized that underneath her tough exterior, Imogen was a rather fragile girl. She dismissed the two right away, wanting Eli to have plenty of time to return to Degrassi in time for his third class, which was after lunch. Mrs. Dawes watched as Eli looked at the girl gently, and he took her bag and slung it over his shoulder, and she felt completely at peace with the decision of releasing her in Eli's care. Mrs. Dawes that he wouldn't let anything happen to her and that he would take her home safely.

Meanwhile, the grade ten P.E. class was skipping rope outside under Coach Armstrong's supervision. As he was busy shaking his head in disbelief at the way Wesley Betenkamp and Dave Turner had managed to get their ropes so incredibly tangled up, he didn't see Clare Edwards stop her skipping completely. She was completely consumed by angrily gritting her teeth as she watched Eli take off his leather jacket and then move to place it around Imogen's shoulder. Clare could see that Imogen was indeed shaking, but she wondered if…maybe Eli had decided to change just what Imogen was to him after all. She then heard Imogen say, "You – you don't have to, Eli". Clare could feel her blood boiling when she saw Eli flash Imogen a small smirk and respond, "Hey – hey. It's okay. I've got you. Let's just get you home".

"Um – hello – Earth to Clare Edwards," Alli's piercing voice let out – a phrase it was repeating rather often these days – and Clare finally jolted out of her trance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm sorry I can't drive you home," Eli apologetically said to Imogen as they were leaving the school grounds and the girl gathered the little strength that she had left to assure him that it was fine. However, she soon saw Eli flag down a cab the next minute and he held the door open for her and gently encouraged her to tell the driver her address, which Imogen quickly did.

Much like Mrs. Dawes had assumed, Eli knew that the reasons for Imogen's behaviour were very significant to who she was, but he never wanted to pry. Talking to his therapist mentally and emotionally drained Eli, and he only wanted to help Imogen the way Eli knew she now genuinely meant to help him. The girl was currently really sick –it was plain as day – and besides Eli she really had no other friends at school. Eli wasn't about to let a defenceless, feverish sixteen year old girl attempt to make her own way home.

When the cab pulled up in front of a really nice Yorkville house – Eli curiously realized that Imogen never talked about her home life, but Eli reasoned that her parents must be rather well off – he paid the driver, refusing Imogen's feverish attempts to let her pay. He then walked her to the door and he rang the doorbell when he didn't see Imogen make any attempts at pulling out a key.

Eli was then taken aback as the door flung open and he watched a rather young woman abruptly address Imogen,

"What are you doing here in the middle of that day? Go back to school". The woman also flashed Eli a cold glare as she frowned as his appearance.

"I'm sick," Imogen softly said, and she quickly thanked Eli yet again and made her way into the house that had never felt like a home, leaving a dumbfounded Eli behind.

A very large part of the reason why Eli didn't just angrily ask Imogen to leave him alone after their conflict was because, after an initial period of anger at her, the intelligent boy was the only student at Degrassi who could tell that Imogen might like attention, but that she…held back something from others and that didn't want anyone to know what it was. As he watched the way that woman had treated Imogen, Eli's eyes stung with tears as memories filled his mind…memories of the other girl who had been a very important part of his life and who had to suffer with very similar pain – the girl who had been the boy's first love. But Eli realized that in Imogen's case, it was harder to see the pain behind the mask. Nevertheless, Eli knew that Imogen was bearing the burden of a secret storm, and he wanted to be a good friend.

But what Eli didn't know was that sometimes, as Imogen crawled under her covers, all alone in her nice room in her luxurious house, Imogen wished that she was never born. The only escape the girl truly had was in her acting – her dreams gave her wings and she flew to a place where she felt…loved.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two weeks later, Jake Martin was slowly rubbing Clare Edwards' hips through the soft material of her uniform skirt as he felt the girl pull away and he groaned in displeasure. Jake wasn't impressed that Clare's retreat had coincided perfectly with the arrival of the school bus – and sure enough, Eli Goldsworthy soon stumbled out of it and began heading towards the entrance to the school. Jake saw Clare watching him the entire time, so he pulled her small body onto his lap, but Jake couldn't really criticize Clare for glancing in Eli's direction – everyone who was outside soon did.

However, this wasn't exactly because of Eli – as Imogen approached him and Eli asked her how she was feeling, a man who didn't even fully park his really sleek, latest-model Mercedes Benz convertible, but just jumped out it, headed for the two of them. Everyone got quiet as they watched the man grab Imogen's upper arm brusquely, and as he was approaching her from the back, the girl was clearly surprised.

After an initial jolt, Imogen excitedly said, "Hi daddy!" as Eli studied the man with a look of disgust on his face. None of the other students had the necessary knowledge to make a comparison between the age of the man and the age of the woman who the man lived with – but Eli did.

"Don't you 'hey daddy' me," the man said as he finally let go of her arm after another squeeze. However, the motion had caused Imogen to be pulled a little closer to him as he yelled, "I heard you skipped school yesterday".

Imogen quickly stumbled, "Daddy…I swear, I was sick – my drama teacher sent me home, that's why I was there," and as Eli saw the man prepare to take another step in Imogen's direction, he quickly stepped in front of her and locked his gaze with Imogen's dad's. He then assertively said,

"Sir – Imogen and I are going to be late for class; we have to go. If you'd like to come with us, we'll take you to talk to Mrs. Dawes, our drama teacher, right away and she can tell you all about how sick Imogen felt yesterday. But we really do have to be on our way now".

The intensity in Eli's eyes had taken Imogen's dad aback and he just silently nodded and said that wouldn't be necessary, but that Imogen was expected to not miss any more school, and Imogen had nodded in embarrassment, not speaking any further.

As Eli and Imogen were heading towards the auditorium, Eli could tell that…something was really different about the girl in this moment. She was blushing furiously and looked…so ashamed. Eli gently tried,

"You okay, Imo?" and she immediately cast her gaze to the floor and mumbled, "Of course".

Eli softly added as she stepped in front of her and locked his gaze with hers,

"Imogen – your dad…does he…is he mean to you?" but the girl shook her head at once and said,

"No".

Eli then added,

"What about your mom? Is she – nice to you? Good to you?" and Eli saw Imogen shake her head at once as she gritted, "_That woman_ who you saw last night is _not_ my mom," and Eli flashed her a small sad smirk in response. Someone had explained to him many times….how it felt to have a…

"Stepmom?" Eli gently asked.

"No," Imogen said at once. "Just my dad's girlfriend," those words feeling just as foreign in her mouth as ever, despite the two years of practice that she had had uttering them. The fact the Debbie was not her stepmom was the only consolation the girl had left – that _that woman_ at least wasn't married to her dad…that she didn't have her last name. She already had everything else of Imogen's.

"Eli," Imogen assertively told him, "They don't hit me. Don't worry". Eli exhaled deeply, at least relieved that Imogen didn't share that similarity with Julia. But Eli knew that she was emotionally very hurt, and he wanted to be a good friend. He felt like he owed it to Imogen; she had stood by him when almost everyone else had dismissed him as a raving lunatic. She had gotten him out of a sticky situation when he had committed computer vandalism, and…she had gotten him to write again. Sure, she had made her share of mistakes, but…Eli knew how easy it was to get lost inside your own mind, and as long as Imogen kept things platonic around him, Eli felt responsible to at least be aware if she…was in some of danger. He was well aware that the girl had no other friends, and if _that_ was the way things were for her at home…it was no wonder that Imogen never seemed in any hurry to get home after rehearsal.

The play rehearsal went well that day – Imogen's health had obviously improved and when she took the stage she was just as captivating as always. Fiona was obviously pleased with the play's progress – as was Mrs. Dawes.

"Your creation is really coming to life, Eli," Mrs. Dawes said in his direction with a smile and Eli gave her a shy smile in response. Mrs. Dawes and Fiona had both been really patient with his many rewriters after his crisis moment, and though they had never told him, this had been due to the fact that they with each re-write, Eli's play was getting…better and gentler. The emotions that Ari was feeling were very strong, and the villain was truly dangerous…but the play's content really now had morphed so that the manipulative individual in the work was not the female lead…but the villain who had brought the knife to the school dance. Fiona wasn't sure if Eli realized how his work was changing, but she saw him very at peace as he supervised read throughs and rehearsals.

However, as soon as Fiona saw Clare Edwards walk in with her journalist's notebook and tape recorder in hand, she immediately saw Eli's expression change into a tortured one. Fiona shook her head sadly – after all the times that Clare had come in and watched, it never seemed to stop having this massive effect on Eli, and Fiona couldn't help but think…really? She had never understood Clare Edwards' grip on men – in Fiona's eyes, Clare was the girl who had creepily kissed Declan's neck when she had gotten lost in her stories – much like Eli tended to as well, Fiona noticed – and according to Holly J, Clare had also stolen Declan's sweater. What Fiona didn't understand, however, was that every time that Clare sat down in the auditorium, always being warmly received by Mrs. Dawes, Eli's mind was overwhelmed by past memories. Over and over and over again…Eli saw all the good and all the bad. He was sincerely trying not to be so weak – he wanted nothing more than to get back to the guy who didn't need Clare in order to feel happy. But Eli hadn't felt true happiness in such a long time that he wasn't sure that he could _even_ remember what the sensation felt like.

So he did the only thing that he could – he watched over his play, always sitting next to Fiona or Liam, who had become a friend to Eli after they met as biology lab partners. The boys had bonded over their expert music knowledge, and Liam had even come down to the radio station to help Bullfrog with Eli a few times. When Eli had nominated Liam to the task of supervising the musical and lighting effects of 'Love Roulette,' Fiona and Mrs. Dawes had approved at once.

"And then the curtain closes and we have intermission – great job everyone," Fiona proudly declared.

Clare finished her notes diligently and put her recorder away – Mrs. Dawes had quickly given her everything she had needed, making Clare a little sad that her favourite teacher seemed too preoccupied with the details of the rapidly approaching play to spend any more time than necessary with her. Clare watched in frustration as Mrs. Dawes had rushed to Eli's side right after walking away from her. She then watched as Eli got a thoughtful look on his face as he answered the teacher's question. Eli gestured to the blackjack table and roulette props that had already been built by a person whose presence Eli could barely tolerate. Eli regretted his decision of involving Jake in prop production, because not only had his plan backfired, but now he was stuck with Jake always around in the one space in the school that Eli liked most. Clare then saw as Mrs. Dawes got a look of realization on her face in response to whatever Eli had told her and she even gave Eli a high five as a huge smile spread on her face.

And as Clare studied Eli a bit closer, Clare couldn't help but feel her heart ache a little bit – watching him so…very in his element. She knew that…no matter how much she didn't want to admit it…she wished she could work on this now really nice play too. Eli's product…was really different that the truly horrifying, embarrassing, and highly intrusive vision that he had first shared with her. Clare kept herself together on the outside, but on the inside, she was lost in thoughts of how…very talented Eli was. Clare...wanted to talk about lit and writing with someone so desperately. Writing for the paper was everything that she had hoped it would be, if one were to cast aside spiteful Katie Maitlin who continued to make Clare's life a living hell, but it was so…different that writing fiction. Writing for the newspaper was…clear, concise, unimaginative, and…it always needed to have a sharp critical tone. Clare hated that tone, and she despised that Katie always made her resubmit her articles at least once, always making Clare change her language so she ended up sounding like the harshest out of all of the writers on staff.

Clare didn't want to hurt Eli – this was not like their amazing writing partnership where she would give him advice and he would so the same in return – this was very much a one-sided critique – sharp and stinging. She felt like anyone would interpret it as almost an attack on a project that Clare knew Eli had wholly dedicated himself to. Clare had noticed that Eli's play had transformed beautifully and…she had nothing negative to say about his writing, but Katie had gone off in a rampage at her, telling her she needed to find at least one thing to criticize. So Clare had pointed out that the play's writing was a bit wordy, not knowing that when Eli had read those words, unable to ignore her articles as he had originally resolved to after reading 'Ten Ways to Get Over a Break-up,' he felt as if someone had actually delivered a physical blow that had completely winded him. Imogen had rushed to his side at once, however. Even if she hadn't mentioned the article directly, but Eli knew at once that her assurance that she loved not only every word that he had written, but also how Eli had given all the actors so much material to work with was a response to Clare's article.

Clare snapped out of her trance and as she saw all of the drama students start to gather her things she took a deep breath and headed for…Imogen Moreno. _Just one quote,_ Clare repeated to herself. Katie had reproached Clare for not including a quote from Imogen in any article up to date, so Clare just swallowed her pride and approached Imogen. Clare noticed at once that Imogen's script cover had many…Dead Hand stickers on it.

She was just preparing to say hi to Imogen when the older girl tipped her head at Clare and sharply said, "Hello, Clare Edwards," poignantly.

Clare shot Imogen a fake smile and said, "Hi. I'm –" but Imogen cut her off at once,

"You're covering the play for the _Degrassi Daily _and you need a quote from the leading lady," Imogen calmly said, her knowledge taking Clare aback and only leaving her able to respond via a nod.

"Well, then, turn on your recorder, Clare," Imogen said, and Clare hated how, in just a few seconds and with a few lines, Imogen had…unnerved her so. Clare felt…like a little girl being pushed around, hating that what she _indeed_ had to do next was to turn on her recorder. Out of the corner of her eye, Clare could see Eli and Fiona standing together and looking over a script at the opposite end of the room.

Imogen saw Clare push the red button and she locked her gaze with Clare's as she said, "My character is great fun to play; she's everything that I'm not. She lets the villain completely manipulate her, when really she should just listen to her protective boyfriend. In doing so, she creates an absolute train wreck and blames everyone but herself for it. She experiences zero character growth or development – it's like she almost doesn't want to burst her little bubble," Imogen finished.

Clare felt her entire body freeze as Imogen gave her a wry little smile and continued, "Well, there's your quote, Clare Edwards. Toodles," and she bouncily walked away from Clare, leaving the curly-haired girl shaking with fury.

Clare knew that in this quote, Imogen had presented a warped vision of her character – there was a lot more to the girl that Eli had created than that, and she regretted ever trusting and helping Imogen get the part. But what made Clare angry was that when it came to Imogen's acting…she had no idea how she would ever be able to come up with anything negative to say about it. Imogen was clearly born for the stage. She played…Clare to an eerie perfection. However, what made Clare even angrier was that she knew that…Imogen got to talk to Eli about his writing. Imogen got to do what Clare has missed so much that she had a harder and harder time ignoring it. Clare knew that when Eli had had trouble getting a concept for the play off the ground, _Imogen_ had been the one who had helped him. Imogen had been the one to get him over his writer's block. Imogen got to have discussions with Eli about his writing, and Clare hated that with a hot fury.

So when five of Jake's kisses that night didn't make her feel like they always previously had, Clare let him touch her like never before. And even if it didn't make her feel like she always hoped it would – eventually she just pushed Jake's hand away, knowing he wouldn't succeed ever in this lifetime – but at least the feeling of freedom had returned for those first few minutes. But Clare knew that she would have to step up her game. Being so exposed in front of Jake had left her too rattled to attempt to reciprocate…and she knew that even if Jake reassured her that he didn't want to force her, he was not happy with her. And Clare wondered how much longer she could take. And how much more Jake could take.

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Imogen was sitting on her large bed in her room, memorizing her lines. She had once seen a TV show that had said that painting your room a bright colour can make feel you happier and…not so alone, so she had chosen cherry red pain for her walls and dark chocolate brown furniture. It only it were that easy, Imogen sadly thought. She wished the TV show host had been right. As she had carefully picked out and arranged all the pieces in her bedroom using the credit card with an astronomical limit that her father had given her…all Imogen had wanted to do was to show her mother.

What Imogen hated most about her entire family situation was the fact that it represented the one situation in which Imogen hadn't been able to make things work out the way that she wanted them to. Imogen would go over the details of the divorce, what her mom had said, what her dad had said, and…she hated how, even now, with the perfect vision of hind sight, she couldn't see how she could have made things work out so she could have stayed with her mother. Imogen recognized that her father's shark lawyer had skills and experience that had allowed him to emerge victorious, and she passionately hated that with every fibre of her being. She considered herself an expertly keen behaviour of human behaviour, but she resolved that she would never, ever become a lawyer. She wanted to go to college and do a degree in psychology and major in acting as well. Two years ago Imogen would have been very worried about presenting such a plan to her dad – his surgeon's tenacity would have told her at once that acting was not a serious career choice. But now…things couldn't be further from that point, and Imogen knew that her dad would be ecstatic the day she would leave for college – because she'd be out of his house and he could have full and complete freedom to act like a hormone-crazed teenager with a girl who had only left her teens three years ago.

He'd hand her and even shinier gold credit card, his method of guilt absolution and would tell him not to embarrass him while away at school, reminding her, as he always did, that he was one of Ontario's most renowned surgeons. Imogen always wanted to shout back at her dad, asking him how he could possibly be so deluded as to believe people still respected him after they knew who he lived with, but she always bit her tongue. She knew that whatever plan she would eventually come up with, it would have to be a masterpiece – and she knew she would have to wait another year before putting it in motion – by then the restraining order her dad had managed to impose on her mom would be lifted. Imogen knew that acting now might only backfire and greatly hurt her mom – she had to always remind herself that she wasn't dealing with something as easy as calming down Eli here. She was dealing with the law, and the law had had years of tests and constant improvements perfections – but it had been deceived by her father's lawyer, and Imogen wanted to make up for that grave error.

However, Imogen's thoughts were interrupted for the time being, as she heard her father demand,

"Imogen. Come downstairs, we want to talk to you," and she did so at once, not wanting to make her dad angry.

As she sat down at the living room table across from her dad and from _her_, Imogen's heart froze when she saw Debbie's smug smile and…the shiny diamond ring that now rested on her left hand.

_Please, daddy, no. Anything but that. She already has everything of mine. Not my name too. _

"Imogen," her dad started, "Please extend your congratulations to Debbie – she had just accepted my marriage proposal. We will be getting married in July," he continued, saying it just as nonchalantly as if she was announcing what he had for breakfast this morning.

To say that Imogen was shell shocked was an understatement. She never would have expected this. She knew that her dad enjoyed his trophy girlfriend, but to…marry her? He had never demonstrated an inkling towards that, Imogen reflected, and then she realized at once –

"You're pregnant," Imogen whispered, and she watched Debbie smile another smug grin as she confirmed.

And just like that, for only the second time in her life, Imogen was confronted with a situation that completely overwhelmed her. She knew she was…defeated. This was it. Her dad and Debbie could have the perfect little family now. Imogen wondered if Debbie would ask for the baby to have her room – not that the house didn't have six spare rooms, but she knew Debbie too well to assume that she wouldn't do everything possible to make her life a living hell. Imogen wondered if Debbie would let her take care of the baby…Imogen loved babies, and she knew that it wouldn't be the baby's fault that it would be born into his mess. But Imogen didn't want to let Debbie have the satisfaction of seeing just how much this news had rattler her, so she just gave her dad and Debbie a small smile and said,

"Congratulations," and her dad smiled at her in response. This encouraged Imogen a little, so she continued,

"Can I be your flower girl at the wedding?" Imogen didn't mean this as a method of attracting attention, but only because she wanted to…be included and that job seemed to her like an appropriate one.

However, it became clear at once that her dad's girlfriend – or fiancée, now, Imogen sadly realized – did not agree. She rolled her eyes and shot venomously,

"For God's sake, Imogen – _my_ wedding day isn't about you. And don't be silly – how old are you? You'd look ridiculous as a flower girl – just like you do with these stupid cinnamon buns," Debbie continued, standing up from the table and angrily pulling Imogen's unique hair style out, also causing the girl's glasses to fall in the process.

_That,_ however, was too much even for Imogen's controlled poise, so she moved away at once and snarled at Debbie,

"Don't you _dare_ touch me". The girl's hairstyle meant a lot to her for a specific reason, and Debbie didn't know that it was the worst possible thing to pick on.

Debbie had set off Imogen's trigger, and the girl had lost all control as she yelled, "And how _dare _you ask me how old I am? I'm _six years_ younger than you, that's how old I am. Shame on you," Imogen gritted, switching her cold gaze to her dad and calmly telling him, "Hope you have pre-nup, daddy. She'll take you for all you're worth". Imogen then ran back to her room and slammed the door behind her, leaving her dad and Debbie rather shocked. Imogen had wanted to have many similar outbursts in all the time that she had lived with her dad, but she knew better than that, always telling herself that if she was going to come up with some sort of plan to set in motion so she could get back to her mom, she needed to stay calm.

But tonight had been the girl's breaking point. As she tearfully studied her broken glasses and reset her cinnamon buns, she collapsed on her bed and sobbed. She then picked up her abandoned play script and read the words that Eli had written, slowly regulating her breathing. Imogen wished he'd call her. But she didn't want to tell him anything about her true pain. She wished Eli would call her because he would just…want to. The way she was sure he'd call Clare Edwards in a heartbeat if he thought Clare wanted to hear from him. She shook her head sadly as she thought that Eli…would never be over Clare. She was the girl who had said no to him – and Eli would always want her. She took solace in the fact that at least Clare didn't want him – that was the only hope she had left. Clare didn't want to deal with all the things that Eli came with; she didn't want to deal with anyone's problems but her own, Imogen bitterly reflected.

But…Imogen…just wanted Eli to call her – she needed it more than anything right now. But she knew he wouldn't, so she did something she hadn't done in over two years in her quest to…at least feel a little more connected to Eli. And as she pulled the piece of red paper on top of her script and put pen to paper, she wrote down exactly how she thought Eli saw her, even after they had developed a good friendship.


	2. All We'd Ever Need

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Jake Martin was hammering a roulette table back together after Fiona had unintentionally bumped into it as she was passionately explaining how she wanted the scene acted out and the roulette table had flipped over and its base had come undone. At the other end of the drama room, Eli was tightly clutching his script and watching in fury as Clare was sitting next to Jake, writing something down in her notebook. Eli's hands would all but rip the paper of his script whenever he'd see Jake lean in and steal a kiss from Clare. Eli was trying to be stronger, but it was beyond him. Rejected twice and devastated, he was grasping for straws in his attempt to ignore Clare and Jake, but they really were being so loud that even Mrs. Dawes had to ask them to be quiet so Imogen could hear the directions Fiona was giving her at stage left.

Jake, for one, was taking his time fixing the table and studying the looks he'd catch Clare throw Eli's way…and he was not impressed. Jake thought that they had already dealt with the problem of Eli…and even if he had no interest in a monogamous relationship with Clare, he still considered it an insult to his manhood that Clare wasn't completely consumed by his presence as she used to be since the first time he had allowed her to see him shirtless. That was simply not acceptable in Jake's mind, especially when Jake remembered that it was…Eli as well, the weird emo kid who was a nut job. He didn't want to be associated with him via Clare.

As for Eli, he absolutely detested that he had gotten Jake involved with building the play's sets – and that Jake was good at carpentry. Eli bitterly thought that Clare's new boyfriend even shared a profession with Jesus – it really was a cruel world, Eli reflected. Eli hated it even more than Jake had built very nice props and sets that Mrs. Dawes praised. Eli thought that Mrs. Dawes wasn't supposed to care about things like that – Mrs. Dawes had mentored _him _with his writing. Eli knew that his talent wasn't with his hands, and that it would never be, with the exception of fixing cars of course; his talent was his brain. And Eli thought Clare had liked that, but he chuckled bitterly as he thought that that was just another thing that she seemed to change her mind on from one second to the next. And as she saw Jake's hand slip inside Clare's dress' hem, he realized he had been wrong about many things. Eli couldn't believe Clare wanted Jake to touch her like that – they'd been dating for a small fraction of the time that him and Clare had when Eli had first noticed Jake's touches turn…aggressive. That was the only word that Eli could assign to them, and had it not been for the soft moan that he heard Clare give Jake in response, he would have jumped her to her defense. But to Eli and to everyone who happened to see them as Jake pulled Clare behind one of the sets and they began kissing more, it looked like Clare wanted it…encouraged it even.

So Eli looked away and tried to control the shaking of his hands. He had been progressing well in his therapy – Dr. Sadler kindly kept repeating to any day now, Eli should recognize the improvement in himself that she did, and he just nodded politely. He longed for nothing more than to get better – whatever that meant; Eli wasn't sure – but he was so convinced that he was making as much progress as his therapist was telling Cece and Bullfrog in her weekly phone calls to them. He knew that he had reached a significantly more balanced state now than the one that he was in before the night that he crashed Morty, and he had applied himself to the play whole heartedly. Eli wanted it go to well, he wanted to be all consumed by his work…and he was. But he wasn't blind; he recognized the potent irony of trying to get over Clare by…writing and helping organize a play in which the female lead was completely based on her. However , he managed to keep himself together very well once the combination of therapy and appropriate medication had been improved by Eli's resolution after he had bitterly rejected by Clare a second time.

It wasn't an easy process to get through the day, but Eli knew that he couldn't let go. Because he knew that if he were to do that, he would lose himself completely in the dark cloud of depression…for the rest of his life. Eli knew that if he were to ever reach that point, he wouldn't be able to swim – he would quickly sink to the bottom and never be able to muster enough energy to make his way back to the surface. And he knew that he owed it to his parents to hold himself together. The change in his mother and the permanent concern etched on Bullfrog's face told him he needed to try harder. Eli reflected that he owed it to them, to Julia – who would slap him with a stern look on her face, or throw a cold bucket of water over his head and tell him to snap out if it if she were able to see what he had become. He knew he owed it to Adam, to Fiona and Mrs. Dawes, and to Imogen, who was so patient and respectful to him these days. As his thought turned to Imogen, Eli made a note to check on her soon; she oddly had been very quiet today and Eli worried if maybe her cold and fever had returned to her.

So in this fashion, Eli tried to be strong. The process of keeping himself together felt to him much like building a fragile house of cards, and he managed to establish a strong foundation most days, but…he hated how Clare's presence was always the merciless gust of wind that eradicated the house like a tornado. And when that presence included doing what she was doing now – kissing Jake sloppily – Eli felt like doing nothing else but thrashing every prop and set piece that he had built to bits. Eli loathed how Jake had managed to infiltrate his play, the only thing remotely close to a sanctuary that Eli had left. The only reason he didn't smash the sets to bits was because that would mean Jake would win. Again. Eli also got a grip on himself when he caught a glimpse of Fiona and Imogen and Mrs. Dawes, all so dedicated to the play. He figured that in his relatively few years of like, he had already ruined enough people's joy and he didn't want to make that list any longer than it already was.

And as Clare's gaze would lock with his for just a fleeting second, Eli hated how it felt that…Clare could see right through him. And as he watched Jake pull onto his lap, Eli wondered how he could still be living with Clare's goodbye while she had obviously just gone on with her life…in no more than three weeks after the end of spring break. Eli wasn't blind; he had watched Clare and Jake interact at school, and the third week back at school after the break, he had been witness to the first of many theatrical hallway kisses. Eli often stayed up at night, wondering how Clare could just walk on by, without one tear in her eye. How she could not have the slightest feelings left for him after just three weeks? How could she forget everything between their rise and fall just like that? How could she act like…they had never loved at all? Eli knew that it was true that more time had passed since then now…time that was leaving what they had behind. But it had been many more weeks now and…he sure couldn't smile or laugh – not sincerely and completely anyway. Eli wanted to know Clare's secret to letting go like she did – did she really forget all the support, passion and magic that they shared? Did she really never miss him or…long to kiss him? Seeing her act the way she was with Jake, Eli couldn't help but think that…maybe the uniqueness of what they had was just another thing that he had managed to delude himself into. Just like the bench. Maybe just like the bench that he had convinced himself was special, maybe…Clare never thought the same of what they once had. Maybe…she really had never loved him at all.

Eli jolted out of his thoughts as he felt Imogen sit down next to him, and she gave him a soft smile after confirming that there was nothing wrong, that she was feeling fine and he shouldn't worry. But Eli's perceptive personality had picked up on a change in the girl ever since the encounter with her father that he had witnessed. Eli noticed that today Imogen even had…

"No glasses today?" Eli asked, knowing very well that while Imogen didn't wear her glasses on stage, she would always put them on when she switched to being out of character. And Eli liked that…it served as a clear boundary that had helped his sometimes confused mind, especially after he had resolved to keep himself together and attempt to get over Clare for once and for all.

"I just…broke them," Imogen said, but Eli picked up on the hesitation in her answer, and he looked at her thoughtfully when she awkwardly added, "You know how clumsy I can be".

"Well, you look very nice with or without them," Eli gently told her because he wanted to make her feel a bit better, and Imogen gave him a small smile in response, the faintest of blushes emerging on her cheeks.

Eli noticed that something was…definitely off about Imogen when she said she needed to be home early and didn't let him walk her home – Eli had started doing this as soon as play rehearsals began running so late that the Toronto sky would darken before they would come to an end. Eli had seen Imogen check her phone nervously and he had a feeling that he dad was not showing up for his daughter as he had promised her that he would. Eli would feel anxiety creep up on him when he thought of all the different things that could happen to a fragile and vulnerable girl like Imogen if she were to wander the streets of Toronto alone at night. So when he ran after her and Imogen accepted his offer of at least allowing him to get her a cab, Eli was at least able to have some peace of mind.

However, it did not last long – because when Eli headed back into the drama room so he could grab his bag and head home…he noticed that no one was left in the space but…Clare. Eli took a deep breath and walked in, not wanting to be so pathetic that he couldn't even go retrieve his own things, and he gave her a small uncomfortable smile, wondering why…Jake wasn't here too. Where had he gone? Eli quickly slung his bag over his shoulder and he felt his heart ache just a little when he heard Clare say,

"Hey," in that timid tone of hers that only made him able to think about how much he wanted to…kiss her.

"Hey," Eli replied, with a calm look on his face, bringing his shields up at once because the girl in front of him had hurt him so badly that Eli knew that were she to do ever do it again, he could never find his way back up. He then awkwardly stumbled, "I-I have to be on my way home," and he hoped that Clare wouldn't notice the slight shaking of his hands.

"Me too," Clare responded with a sad smile. "But can I just…talk to you for a minute first?" she continued, surprising Eli. He-he wanted more time, he'd need more time to even have the slightest conversation with her, and he hated himself for that, but all he could say was, "Of course". He had never had the heart to refuse the slightest of Clare's requests. Eli bitterly thought that he would have taken her to that stupid dance that she wanted to go to…he would have done whatever he wanted her to do, but as the thought fully registered in his mind, he shook his head to himself. _That was my problem all along_, he reflected.

"E-Eli, I just wanted to say," Clare faltered, "Y-your play – your writing; it's beautiful, Eli. I love it. It's perfect," she continued, but she was taken aback when she saw Eli flinch in response.

Eli didn't understand why Clare was doing all of this. Hearing her give that opinion when he had just read her critique of his writing for the paper just a few weeks ago…made something snap inside of him, but he kept his calm as he just replied,

"You don't mean that," shocking Clare at once. "My play is _a lie_ to you; it sounds crazy and it's…_wordy_. It has nice furniture though, doesn't it? Nice sets. Best they could be. _Those _are perfect. There's nothing wrong with _those_," Eli said, and Clare picked up on the implication in his emotion-laced voice at once.

"Eli, I-" Clare stumbled, searching for the right words, but being unable to find them when she saw the raw sentiment in Eli's eyes. Just as Eli had suspected, Clare looked right through him in that moment, and she found…deep hurt. A heart that was closed to all emotions. Because that was easier than feeling something.

She heard Eli exhale deeply and whisper, "What do you want from me Clare? Do you need a quote? Another interview? If you need something from one of the actors, I'm the wrong person to talk to – but I'll make sure Fiona arranges whatever you need," Eli said. He knew that just standing here, talking to Clare like this was hurting him, and he had spoken honestly. He had given Clare full access to rehearsals; made sure that Fiona told everyone on the cast and crew to fully co-operate with her as she'd cover the entire play process, and given her a real interview after their initial failed attempts. So Eli genuinely wondered what more she wanted, and he wished she would just tell him. Because he wasn't sure how much longer of this he could take.

Clare gave him a sad look that made Eli exhale deeply again. He never wanted her pity. He only wanted her love, but he knew she would never give that to him. He hoped she would speak soon, before he just wished he could be at home, in the sanctuary of his now clean room.

He then widened his eyes as he heard Clare burst out, "You kissed her!" and he watched as her face turned the reddest that he had ever seen it and her piercing blue eyes refused to meet his. But what Clare said really did make him angry now. What he and Imogen had engaged in was completely different than what he had seen her and Jake do, so he justified himself at once,

"_For the play_. Imogen and I are just friends. It's not like that. I kissed her for the play. It was the hero kissing the leading lady. Not anything else," and Eli saw Clare raise her eyes to meet his, her entire body just oozing embarrassment. The girl's accusatory tone really was unfair; Eli had seen Clare share kisses with Jake that really belonged inside the confines of a bedroom and not anywhere near a school.

He then added, "So if that's all right with you and I have nothing else to answer to, I'll be going now," as Clare felt completely ridiculous. She awkwardly fiddled with the strap of her purse as she saw Eli look around and ask,

"How are you getting home?" and Clare's heart swelled. Of course Eli would be concerned about that, she sadly reflected.

"I'm waiting for…" Clare slowly admitted, and Eli finished for her, "Jake. Right. Of course. Well, any chance he will grace us with his presence anytime soon?" he asked, not wanting to leave Clare to fend for herself. Eli wondered where that idiot had gone – he had just been in here working on the sets a few minutes ago.

"I don't even know where he went," Clare said with a shrug of her shoulders, feeling extremely embarrassed that Jake was…doing this again. But this time in front of Eli.

"Um…all right," Eli answered, with a look of confusion on his face. "So…we just wait?" he continued as he raised an eyebrow at Clare, wondering how often Jake left her hanging like this.

"You don't have to, Eli," Clare softly said, but Eli countered at once, "Nah, I'll wait with you," and Clare saw him sit down at a distance from her along the bleacher and she watched as he pulled out the little black notebook that Clare knew he used to write down story ideas.

"So…you're writing a lot these days," she gently said.

"Yeah. I guess you could say that," Eli answered, because he didn't know what else to say.

"No more writer's block for sure, I mean what with the play off the ground, and other writing as well," Clare continued.

"Your…newspaper articles are exquisite, you know, Clare. You're by far the best writer on that staff," Eli honestly told her, making her cheeks develop a deep blush at once.

_God, how I miss that blush…that smile…how I miss being the one that put it there, _Eli sadly thought.

Clare, however, was incredibly embarrassed that Eli was familiar with her contributions to the paper. Between her 'Ten Ways to Get Over a Break-Up" and various not-so-gentle critiques of the play, Clare knew that…she must have broken Eli's heart all over again. And she hated herself for it.

"Eli?" she gently asked, and she saw the boy look directly in her eyes at once as he gently nodded.

Clare wanted to apologize and explain the intricacies of working with Katie to him, but instead what came out surprised them both.

"My mom is sleeping with Jake's dad," Clare whispered, feeling incredibly relieved to finally voice that to another human being besides Jake. She had kept it inside for so long, and whenever she tried to bring that up around Jake, he would just tell her to stop worrying about things that she can't control and to stop being so overdramatic.

To say that Eli was shell-shocked was an understatement.

"Whoa," was all he was able to come up with for a minute. "That's right, you mentioned you two had long history, I should have realized that your mom would know his dad, but…" Eli said. Clare flinched at the memory of how she had purposely and insensitively paraded Jake in front of Eli their very first day back at school after spring break, just for the selfish satisfaction of getting a rise out of Eli.

Clare then saw Eli cast her a look so full of concern and care that it moved her to her very core. She…had not received such a look in a very long time, and she was scared at how it seemed so much more powerful than Jake's most intimate touches.

"How do you feel about that, Clare?" Eli softly asked, and Clare immediately responded, "I hate it. And the reason my parents got divorced…it wasn't all the arguing. It was the fact that my dad cheated on my mom – many times, with many different women," making Eli's heart break all over again.

"Oh no, Clare," he softly sighed, and Clare was taken aback to see Eli's eyes develop a light film of tears. She was…very touched by the way in which Eli was suffering so potently…for her. Eli then continued, "I'm so, so sorry, Clare. I will never understand why people do that – why they cheat. It is just…so awful. I won't ever get it; even when love breaks down really badly...I don't understand cheating. And I don't blame you for being upset about Jake's dad and your mom. I'm…so sorry this is all happening to you, Clare. You don't deserve anything but the best things on this earth, not just being hurt and misplaced like this time and time again. I think you should tell your mom how this is making you feel. I think your mom would want to know," Eli gently suggested.

"Maybe you could write her a letter," he continued, and he saw a small smile cross Clare's face so he gained a little bit of courage and added, "Just – just a private one," he clarified, remembering their first experiences with letter writing.

"That's a good idea, Eli. Thank you," Clare replied, and she saw Eli flash her a smirk oat once.

_God, that _smirk_. How I've missed it, _Clare's mind betrayed her for a minute.

However, Clare and Eli both jolted in the next second as they heard the auditorium door slam and Jake entered, hot off of a make-out session with Marisol who had slipped out of Power Squad practice and met Jake in the boiler room. That destination had made Jake rather optimistic that Marisol might beat Clare to the finish line, not that Jake really cared who would be first – he was rather proud of his arrangement.

"Well, well, what do we have here," Jake slowly said, knowing that the offensive was the best strategy and hoping that none of Marisol's lip gloss was left on his own lips – he had only given his lips a few wipes, and he knew her lips had covered areas outside of his own. Jake's smug smile only got bigger as he saw that Clare didn't seem to suspect a thing, and she just nervously stuttered,

"I was just waiting for you. Let's go," and Jake did as Clare asked, eager to get her home – he knew their parents were out on a date and he thought tonight was the perfect night for Clare to make a little bit more progress. He had to control himself from groaning out loud when he remembered just how slow Clare was at all of this stuff, always so shy and tentative – but then again, she was extremely hot, Jake reflected. Especially without her top on, he remembered, wishing he could voice that thought out loud to Eli. His lips formed in a wry smile as he resolved to do that the first chance that he got. Seeing all of these little moments between Clare and Eli – and now it had been even more than just a look here or there, Jake knew that they had talked – no longer made Jake satisfied with Clare's clear choice of him over Eli. Jake knew that Eli was still hung up on Clare, and he thought a little bit of torture would be…exactly what Eli deserved.

However, that night, Clare didn't allow him in her room – she kept saying something about how she had a letter to write, and Jake fled the scene at once, thinking that Clare could ramble on for hours about her writing, and he knew he definitely didn't want to be subjected to that. But the unfulfilment of his physical desires had left Jake frustrated, so he bitterly shot,

"So, did you have fun with Eli all alone in the auditorium?" and he didn't like the fact that Clare blushed at once.

"We were just talking," she shot back at once, her entire face quickly developing that stubborn look that Jake hated so much.

"Well aren't you just _buddy-buddy_ with that raving lunatic now," Jake replied.

"Eli's _not_ crazy," he heard Clare reply at once.

"Then why does he always pop those crazy pills?" Jake asked, having seen Eli take a pill whenever he had dropped by to build the sets. Jake's presence would make things really difficult for Eli, and from his perspective it seemed like Eli was always taking a pill.

"Jake, that's prescribed medication from a doctor," Clare insisted, making Jake angrier and angrier with each passing second.

"Well – look at you, Clare, standing up for _Eli_," Jake shot back, painfully drawing out his name in an attempt to annoy Clare that quickly proved successful.

"I'm _not _standing up for Eli. But he's had a lot of trauma in his life, give him a break," Clare answered, and Jake liked the direction of this discussion. This is what he had wanted.

"Such as what?" he asked quickly, wanting to maintain the conversation at its lightning speed, knowing that Clare was much more likely to slip in this manner.

"Such as…his first girlfriend, Julia _died_ two years ago, Jake, in a car crash, and Eli still feels _completely_ responsible for it," Clare said, regretting sharing something that she knew was such a private and personal thing to Eli with Jake at once. But as it often did, her mouth had reacted before her brain had had a chance to catch up with it.

"Whatever," Jake replied with a scoff at once, making Clare sigh with relief as she hoped that Jake would soon forget what she had told him.

But little did she know that even that thought on her part was exactly what Jake desired. After he sloppily kissed Clare goodbye, he headed home quickly and turned on his computer at once. Jake had had his buddy Drew casually ask Adam the name of Eli's previous school earlier, and Adam had freely volunteered the information to his brother, finding it a little odd that Drew wanted to know such a thing but not thinking much of it. Drew for one, also had no idea why Jake would want to know such a thing, but he had just shrugged it off, having been consumed with his own much larger problems.

But in the dark of the cold Toronto night, as Jake typed in 'Vanier Secondary School' and 'car accident' and 'Julia' into Google, the bitter wry smile returned to his face as Jake quickly obtained all the information that he would need. He wouldn't do this right away – he had never been one for drama – but…he just thought it wouldn't be a bad thing to have on record, just in case Eli did something to infuriate him later. Jake was fond of having the upper hand, and it had annoyed him to no end how everyone at school seemed to think that Eli was so incredibly smart – Jake didn't think it took much to come up with a messed up story like the one that was the basis of the play. He loathed how everyone seemed to…put Eli on this pedestal of creativity and intelligence; like Eli was so damn special or something of the sort. Jake wanted it to come crashing down, and he knew that the information that he had just obtained would be just the thing to achieve such a task.

_Eli Goldsworthy, raving lunatic and…murderer of a beautiful, artistic fifteen year old girl. It does have a nice ring to it,_ Jake smugly thought as he printed out several newspaper articles.

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Clare saw Mr. Purino place her civics paper down on her desk as he was making his way around the classroom handing the marked assignments to every student, and she quickly flipped it over. This class did indeed have a reputation for being tough – there were just so many readings – but…Clare never expected to get a…C. And what was even worse, she thought as panic overcame her, was that the last time that she had received a C she had been able to quickly turn that around. But…Clare wasn't sure that she could now. The bright red marker comments that Mr. Purino had written at the end of her essay almost stopped her heart completely.

_Well researched effort, but there's no point of view, so I can only give you a C. For further improvement, please also try to make your writing more clear, Miss Edwards. Proofread, proofread, proofread, Clare. It's okay to have a friend read your paper over as a peer editor._

"How'd you do?" Clare heard Adam ask, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Um, fine," she quietly answered, giving Adam a small, uncomfortable smile and booking it out of the room in the next second as the last of the day's bells rang.

As Clare was stopping by her locker and grabbing the large bag that she had dropped off in there in the morning, Eli was already sitting on the steps of the school, waiting for Bullfrog's MGB to pull up. Eli's had had kindly offered to take his son to Chapters when Eli had told him the manager of the store had called him for an interview offer after Eli had dropped off a resume and a recommendation letter from Mrs. Dawes there. Eli knew that now that the play was only three weeks away, he definitely was coming into an incredibly busy period, but he also realized that if he didn't think ahead to what would happen after the play would be completed, all of a sudden he would be left with a lot of free time and nothing to occupy it with. And Eli knew that it would be incredibly easy to regress to a state of desperation if that happened – and he knew he couldn't allow that to occur. Working at Chapters on the weekends could be a good solution, he reflected – he'd have to do his homework on weeknights, which then took care of keeping those occupied, and at Chapters he would be surrounded by books – he'd like it there, he knew. The employee discount and rewards program and the decent hourly wage would also allow him to improve his own collection.

But before Bullfrog arrived, Eli first saw a shiny red truck pull up right in front of the school and he groaned out loud, knowing full well who its driver was. Eli hated that truck the very minute that he had overhead Clare profess her love for it; all Eli had been able to think of in that moment was poor, completely wrecked Morty sitting in a junk yard somewhere. Eli bitterly thought that Clare sure never seemed to mind Morty when she was learning to drive using him, and he never had been able to figure out the reason behind what seemed to him like a sudden change of heart. Eli was too lost in painful memories to see KC and Dave approach Jake's truck, or to hear Jake proudly declare that he was heading up to his cabin with Clare, or to see Dave and KC high-five and 'bro-hug' Jake, KC with an incredulous smile on his face.

But as Bullfrog's MGB pulled up right behind Jake's truck, Eli's dad honked – he could tell his son was once again lost in his own thoughts – and Eli jolted in the same minute that Clare walked through the school doors. Bullfrog saw the look on his son's face as he watched the curly haired girl giggle wildly as she ran towards Jake's truck, passing by Eli and never even acknowledging his presence. Bullfrog stared intensely at Eli's devastated face as Clare kissed Jake in a way that even Bullfrog thought was…just too much, and Bullfrog kept watching as that tall boy whose name he didn't know didn't even help Clarabelle with the large bag that was clearly a little too heavy for her. As Clare giggled and pulled away from the sloppy kiss, Bullfrog felt his own heart break as he saw the look on his son's face. And as Eli quickly got into his dad's car, Bullfrog resolved to put aside a little money towards helping Eli with a new car.

Bullfrog was extremely proud of all the progress that Dr. Sadler had informed him that Eli had been making and he had noticed for himself how his son had been working hard on the play and on his school work. Bullfrog wanted to do something nice for his son, and he also resolved to let Eli drive his MGB once, an honour that Eli had never ever previously been given. Bullfrog knew that Eli would appreciate it and that he was now more than stable and responsible enough to look after the MGB. As Bullfrog took another glance at Clare's giggles – she really sounded like she had no care in the world – and he heard Eli softly say, "Hey dad. Thanks for driving me to this gig," he began calculating just how much he'd need to set aside every month. He knew that Cece would be on board with this plan as well. Bullfrog had a suspicion that Eli's desire to work on the weekends and in the summer was also related to him wanting to save up for a car, and he admired the fact that Eli was determined to achieve this on his own – it made Bullfrog want to help even more. Eli's dad never wanted him to get a car for anything to do with a girl, and especially with the girl that Bullfrog knew Eli still loved deeply, but seeing that look on Eli's face as he watched Clare get into that truck…he just knew that his son's self-esteem was at its absolute lowest, and Bullfrog had also always been a fond believer of the fact that every hard working boy needed a car.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Helen Edwards was rushing through the doors of Degrassi Community School, hoping she wasn't already late to the Parents Advisory Board meeting. She had tried to convince her daughter to just come to school and hour ahead of the first bell so she wouldn't have to drive all the way back home only to have to drive Clare just right back to Degrassi. However, Clare hadn't even opened her door as she told Helen that she was actually going to get a ride with Alli and Sav. Helen had just let Clare have her way, noting that something seemed a little off with her – she wondered if maybe something had happened with Alli during the girls' weekend sleepover, but if her and Clare were walking to school together Helen reasoned that everything must be fine.

Helen regretted not having checked her e-mail more closely – she had only scanned it looking for the time of the meeting, and she hadn't noted the location. However, since every previous meeting had always taken place in the theatre room, she quickly walked there, but as she opened the door she was taken aback at seeing no other parents in the space, but rather…Eli, arranging identical stapled sets of paper with the heading 'Love Roulette' and the Scene and Act numbers at the top.

Eli turned around as he heard the sound of clicking heels, and Helen smiled sadly at the boy. After Clare had told her about what he had done the night of the dance before spring break, Helen had assured her daughter that breaking up with him was completely the right thing to do. Regardless, Helen couldn't help but feel bad for the young man; once Clare had told her mom about Eli's first girlfriend and how he had almost gotten stabbed as a result of a situation in which Helen could tell Eli had clearly only been trying to protect Clare. However, Helen knew that Eli needed a help from a professional and from his parents, and not from her daughter, and it sure seemed that Clare didn't interact much with Eli anymore. Helen knew that Clare's newspaper duties were closely connected to the play that he was writing, and she had seen posters with his name crediting him as author as she walked through the school, but Clare had told her that she didn't need information from Eli anymore and therefore didn't talk to him much.

"Hi, Miss Edwards," Helen heard Eli politely say – as she always did – and it was cleared that was surprised to see her, confused as to why she was here and…rather nervous. Helen had only previously seen Eli very cool and collected, so the young man's obvious change had taken her aback. She genuinely felt bad at the sight of clear loss that Eli seemed to wear like a blanket. Helen also noted that he also looked so much…skinnier, being the first person to ever notice this. As she scanned his body quickly, she saw Eli put on a black blazer at once and Helen couldn't help but wonder if…that was because he didn't want anyone to know what she had noticed.

"Hi, Eli," Helen warmly told him, comfort flooding her tone. "I'm just here for the PAC meeting," Helen specified.

"Of course," Eli replied, "I'm sorry, it's actually been moved to classroom two-oh-one upstairs; there wasn't enough room in here with all the sets and props for the play that we're putting on, Principal Simpson said it wouldn't be safe," he continued.

"I know about the play, Eli," Helen softly said, and she wanted to say something nice to Eli upon seeing him so…broken, so she continued, "And it looks really great – I can tell it's really coming together". Helen was, however, rather surprised when she saw Eli cringe as he almost but whispered,

"Those are _Jake's _sets. I'll pass on your praise to our director and she can communicate it to him," and Helen knew that Clare and Jake were getting along fine and that they spent some time at school together sometimes – that's what Clare had told her. And Helen understood why Eli must be…jealous, but the raw emotion in his eyes told her that there was perhaps another reason why Eli didn't like Jake. Helen didn't think much about it however, and she dismissed the thoughts of interactions between Clare and Jake a lot quicker than she should have.

"Eli," Helen softly sighed, "I read the story you and Clare wrote, so I'm sure the writing you have done for play will be absolutely fantastic and I will be there on opening night with Clare," meaning to compliment Eli, but as soon as she mentioned Eli's special achievement, she watched his face turn even more pale – something that Helen wouldn't have even thought to be possible.

"I don't…that story was not my finest hour, Miss Edwards," Eli stumbled, confusing Helen. She felt really sad to see him so tortured, and she wondered if his parents were standing by him in this difficult time. She hoped they were.

"It was a special achievement, Eli – being published at a young age. You should be proud. I know you wrote it with my daughter, but…break-ups happen to the best of us. And look at how hard you are working on the play – what are you doing here so early?" Helen asked.

She saw Eli flash her a little sad smile as he answered, "I'm just waiting for a student to come for an audition. We haven't really been able to find anyone to sing this one song that we have well yet, and Jenna Middleton's slowly returning to school, but…she has a newborn who depends on her. So any appointment is very touch-and-go with her – she's on baby time. She said her little guy is usually more co-operative in the morning, so I just told her that I'd be here early and that she should feel free to drop by at any point – just thought it'd be the best plan for everyone," Eli explained.

As Helen at once read the boy's kind heart – it was clear that Eli had thought of what was best for the baby - her mind instantly flashed back to the many times that he had seen Eli patiently wait for Clare to drive her to school, how he would always diligently pick her up from her extracurricular activities, and how he always seemed so…concerned for her protection and well-being.

"That sounds like the best plan, Eli. Babies don't follow the abstract schedules that adults create for themselves," Helen replied with a small smile. She then added, "Well, I'd best be on my way to the PAC meeting then. I will see you on opening night?" and Eli nodded in confirmation.

However, before she left the auditorium, Helen turned around one last time and softly said,

"Thank you. And Eli…how are you doing? How is everything with you?"

Helen saw Eli's glance fall to the floor for a second before he looked directly into the eyes and replied, "I'm doing good, Miss Edwards. Thank you for asking. I'm fine," and Helen knew that the determination in the boy's voice was genuine, and not just a defence mechanism.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

While Helen Edwards was listening to Principal Simpson report on the school's progress since Vegas Night – Audra Torres _still_ didn't look pleased – Clare was lying in her bed, thinking of all the times that she and Darcy would stay up late at night, watching movies and just talking. Clare missed those blissful childhood times more than anything as she lied in her bed, studying the tiny flowers printed on her bed sheets more closely than she ever had. She knew that if she didn't get up in the next few minutes, she would be late for school, and guilt plagues her at the memory of how she had…lied to her mom about getting a ride with Sav and Alli. But what upset Clare even more was how…easy lying had come to her. She then bitterly thought that _of course it did_ – she had just lied to her mom about something _much _bigger than her method of getting to school.

In the morning light, Clare felt as if she were watching another person do the things that she had done over the weekend – since that first lie to her mom that she would be sleeping over at Alli's. But…she thought that maybe, just maybe, it might make things better with Jake. In her anger, she had thought that doing _that_ really didn't have the special significance that she had been brought up to believe that it did – after all, when her mom could divorce from her dad and go off and do _that _with Jake's dad just a few weeks later, then how could it be something special? And…she couldn't help but think that it would make Jake happy, and maybe…he would actually start behaving like an attentive boyfriend. That he'd give her a real relationship. But as she pulled the sheets closer to her body, Clare couldn't believe that she had ever thought those thoughts. She no longer knew where she wanted things to stand between her and Jake now, but she did know that she'd never be getting in bed with him again. Clare felt tears stinging her eyes when she realized all over again that she had given herself in the most special and sacred way to a boy when not only was she so young and not married, but that the boy…didn't even really love her. As she had driven back with Jake from his cabin and she had glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, the realization had hit her like a tidal wave. _Jake didn't love her. He never had. _

Clare then felt her entire body tremble and she couldn't control her body's violent shaking as wild sobs escaped her as she was overcome by a regret so deep that it physically hurt. She couldn't believe that she had…cheapened herself in that way. She wondered where all of her self-respect had gone. She didn't want to get out of bed, because that meant going to school and being forced to see Jake.

She didn't want to see him. She couldn't even stand to touch him right after it had happened. It hadn't been like he had promised her it would be. He said that it would be fine and feel great and that he would look after her – but he had taken her clothes off before she even knew what was happening, and it had hurt so much, and Jake hadn't been patient or…really concerned with how Clare was overwhelmed and hesitant at once. He had done what he had brought her up there for quickly, and afterwards, when Clare needed calming down and gentle reassurance the most, he had just simply slid a pair of shorts on and left the bedroom and gone down to the waterfront, telling Clare something about leaving out the fishing rods.

And while she had been able to hold back her tears at the cabin, once she was in her own bed, in her own room, they had completely overwhelmed her, continuing until right up until the moment in which her mom had told her about maybe leaving with her one hour early. But Clare knew that she couldn't restore her eyes to their normal, non-red and puffy state in the time that it would take her mom to get ready so she had…lied again. Clare couldn't even believe that she had gone along with Jake's suggestion of hiding their relationship from their parents, and she wondered what she would say to him at school. She resolved to just allow herself a little more time to cope with the wild flurry of her feelings, not sure what she wanted from him anymore. But deep down inside she was also scared. That once Jake wouldn't be around anymore, all the memories that he had helped push away would come rushing back. But now…she had much bigger, scarier memories that didn't involve Eli, and Clare hoped that she could push through them. Before she had agreed to Jake's cabin, Clare managed to convince herself that maybe it would change things, and if it didn't, that it was no big deal. Her mom and Jake's dad had proved that, didn't they? But…as she was lying in bed, Clare wished for nothing more than the ability to take it all back.

As Clare slowly got out of bed and headed into her bathroom, she looked into the mirror, her striking blue eyes staring back at her own reflection, and she couldn't help but think that she always believed that she would…look different…after. And as Clare looked at her image in the mirror…she realized that she _did_. She did different to herself. The sparkle and joy in her normally electric blue eyes was gone.

And as Clare made her way through her first two morning classes, she could tell that no one else noticed. She accepted Jake's good morning kiss but avoided him after, not knowing exactly what to say to him because she just wasn't sure herself where things stood anymore.

But as she walked outside towards the end of lunch in an attempt to get away from Jake's touches and Alli's questions, her gazed fixed on the gentle way that Eli was throwing bits of a sandwich at the little black birds that didn't fear getting close to him. And in the minute in which Eli's green eyes met Clare's blue ones, she didn't have to say anything, nor did Eli's gaze need to fall on the ring finger which was occupied, not that that would have deceived Eli anyway – like it did Clare's mom. As Clare let out a nervous breath as Eli's gaze locked with hers, Clare could tell that…Eli knew at once. She caught the flash of hurt in his green orbs and she knew that Eli had picked up on the death of the sparkle in her eyes…and who had taken it away. Eli knew and Clare knew that he knew.

But what Clare didn't know was that ten minutes later, as Eli heard the bell ring and he knew that Fiona and Imogen and Mrs. Dawes would wonder where he was, he tried to be strong but he just couldn't. So he folded his body further upon on itself as he sunk to the floor of the boys' washroom, wondering how someone could throw up if they hadn't eaten anything all day. He wanted to be stronger than this, but he couldn't even gather the energy to get up off the floor – he was dizzy; so dizzy. It was only Sav's good timing that resulted in Eli getting help in standing up off the floor and safely reaching the drama room. And upon seeing his state, Mrs. Dawes didn't even have the heart to gently chastise him for being late. She just warmly thanked Sav and she made sure to keep a close eye on Eli for the rest of rehearsal.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clare managed to avoid Jake all throughout the remainder of the day as well as the next one. Although she was a little worried that Jake might detect that something might be wrong with her, Clare really had no logical reason to think of such a thing. Jake hadn't noticed that there was anything wrong with her at all, and if he had, the boy would have dismissed it as Clare entering another one of her dramatic moods, thereby conveniently absolving himself of any guilt. If anything, Clare's lack of proximity as she struggled with thoughts that were driving her slowly insane, only gave Jake more time to spend with Marisol. Jake knew he had made things very clear to Clare; told her he didn't want to force her, but of course she hadn't stopped him – they never did, he thought smugly. As he sat on a picnic bench with KC and Dave, each of the boys effectively running away from the girls who needed them, he felt no hesitation in sharing the achievements of his weekend with his friends, leaving them both – KC especially – a little dumbfounded.

KC smiled incredulously at Jake and pronounced, "Well, I gotta hand it to you man, you achieved the one thing I was never able to; the one thing I thought I never would, and I guess the one thing that Eli was never able to do either," KC continued, unaware that the mention of Eli's name had caught the sad boy's attention to drift from the little black birds that he was feeding and to wander over to the conversation of Degrassi's most unfaithful.

Jake quickly replied, "Please - don't offend me by putting me in that company. It wasn't even hard, she caved quickly – I quickly convinced her a long time ago that that purity ring meant nothing," as Eli realized at once who and what they were talking about, and he felt pure fury coarse through his veins. There was no dizziness or nausea on this occasion; there was only an anger that steamed so powerfully that Eli knew that the biggest exercise in control that he had been faced to up to this time was to not kill Jake with his bare hands.

Dave exchanged a high five with KC, although he was the only one out of the three boys who couldn't help but feel…a little sorry for Clare. Having had a discussion on this topic with Alli quite recently, Dave understood that this was a big step for girls like Alli and her best friend, and Dave knew that there was no possible way that Jake loved Clare, or even came close to it. So he chose to say nothing, but he immediately heard KC's voice eagerly continue,

"Dude – you gotta tell me – how was she?" shooting Jake a curious look, while the grade eleven boy smugly smiled for a second before his face fell. He was feeling much too proud in this moment to look around him, and the other two boys were eagerly awaiting his response, so no one saw Eli begin to approach them.

"Meh, she was…nothing special. It was her first time so I guess that explains it, but I doubt that she'll ever get the guts to try to get any better. She just…lied there," Jake declared with a shrug. It was in that moment that the shadow formed by Eli's approaching body caused Jake to turn around, and he only caught Eli's quick smile and nod before he felt the searing pain of a fist colliding with his jaw, a punch that caused him to fall off the picnic table and onto the grass at once. KC and Dave knew better than to get involved, as they watched Eli angrily shake his fist out and noticed the imprint of Eli's rings on Jake's face. Eli, for one, knew that he had never thought more lucidly than in the moment in which he threw his punch Jake's way, but what Eli didn't know was that had Dr. Sadler been watching, she would have understood and even reluctantly approved of Eli's punch.

Jake however, was used to being in a fight or two, and he was up at once, casting his own punch in Eli's direction that immediately collided with his nose, causing a stream of blood to emerge at once. Jake tried to punch Eli again, feeling that he had free reign to kill Eli now that Eli had been the one to start the altercation, but despite the fact that Jake was so much taller than Eli, and Eli was now even so much skinnier and weaker than the time when he had first met Jake, the smaller boy was much more agile and strategic in his movements. This led Eli to deliver many other successful punches Jake's way, but Jake also was able to split Eli's lip and deliver a blow to his ribs, winding Eli just sufficiently so Jake had him backed up just a few centimeters away from the picnic table.

In a move that was so despicable that it even left KC and Dave with a bitter taste in their mouth, Jake violently pushed Eli into the bench of the picnic table at such an angle as to ensure that Eli's still fragile leg – despite the fact that he no longer wore a cast, everyone at school had caught glimpses of Eli hanging onto his leg and thigh muscle in pain sometimes – collided with the cement of the bench, causing a sickening crack. The pain that tore through Eli's leg was obvious to all the students that had gathered at this point; with one painful cry, Eli almost consciousness as through clouded eyes, he saw Jake lean over him and grit out, "She doesn't want _you_, freak. How many more times does she have to reject you before you _finally_ get that through your skull? I thought you were supposed to be smart. I'll gladly give you as many beat downs as it takes for you to get it so –" but Eli's perfectly timed hit to Jake's most sensitive spot made him bend over in pain as he heard a few laughs from the crowd. Eli was clutching his leg as he felt himself drift in and out of consciousness, and he wasn't sure if the image of everyone quickly dispersing on account of Officer Turner's form in the distance was really happening or if it was just a vision of his. Eli also wasn't sure if the cloudy visual of Imogen and Adam running over to his side at once as he felt the metallic taste of blood leave his mouth was real; or if Adam's voice, telling him to hang on just a little bit longer really did utter those words, or if the next image of Imogen running with Sav closely behind her heels was also real, or if the feeling of Sav lifting him as the pain in his leg soared throughout his entire body and placing him into a truck and driving faster than he had ever seen Sav drive before was all…happening.

Eli…wasn't so sure that he wanted to hang on, like Adam was constantly repeating to him. He wasn't so sure that he could be strong, like Imogen was uttering to him emphatically as she sat next to him in the back seat. He was tired. _So _tired. And as the words, "_Snap out of it_, Eli. What's happened to you? Where's my strong Eli, the one who told me that I can't let anyone get to me whenever my stepmom would pull one of her stunts?" reverberated through his mind, Eli desperately wished that he could see the girl whose voice was running through his mind one last time. She was right. Eli knew that Julia would never recognize the mess that he had become.

XXXXXXXXXX

As Clare was walking down the hallway at the end of school, thinking about whether she should relax with a book or a movie when she got home – she had spent all of the day's breaks in the Degrassi Daily office – she caught a glimpse of Jake walking in her direction, and she immediately asked,

"What happened to your eye? And your arm?" being surprised to see it all…yellow and purple and bruised.

"Nothing," Jake scoffed and Clare noticed the look of displeasure on his face when she didn't lean in to kiss him.

Clare was too absorbed in a sight that petrified her to the core to listen to what Jake was saying – she couldn't believe that Eli…was back in a cast. What had happened to him? He looked…worse than she had ever seen him, worse than the time that she had visited him at the hospital. His lip was split and…his limp was worse than she had ever seen it. Clare noticed that Imogen was carrying a pair of crutches, but Eli categorically refused to take them. Clare then heard Eli apologize to Imogen for his harsh tone, and he graciously accepted the ice pack that Imogen held out to him with a small smile, and Clare watched as Eli adjusted his body so he could rest the ice pack against his ribs. He was hurt there too? The new position made it Eli unable to walk at a speed faster than that of a snail, it seemed, so Clare didn't think that it was surprising at all when she saw Principal Simpson catch up with Eli at once.

"Eli, what happened to your leg? And your lip? And your nose? And your ribs?" the principal sternly asked in exasperation, but Clare saw Eli flinch at once before locking his gaze with Principal Simpson. However, before he said anything, Clare saw Drew step out to Eli's side at once and he confidently said,

"Football, Sir. It's my fault, really. Eli and I were playing and I didn't watch how long I was throwing, and he accidentally ran into a bench trying to receive my pass," and Clare saw Eli cast Drew a small glance before nodding. Principal Simpson didn't look convinced, but he just sighed and then Clare's heart froze as she saw Simpson look at Jake the next minute, and a look of understanding flashed across his face at once.

He called Jake over and asked him, "Jake, what happened to your eye? You and Eli had a fight," ending his sentence as more of a statement and less of a question.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Sir. I hurt my eye when I was helping my dad on a construction project," Jake answered at once, and his perfect composition scared Clare…she had never seen him…_lie_ like that.

Principal Simpson sighed and said, "I'm supposed to believe that?" and Clare's heart sunk at once. She didn't think Eli would fight Jake…again, after her brutal second rejection of Eli's love. And Clare knew that Principal Simpson wasn't being fooled.

"No," Clare heard Imogen confidently pipe up, and she then saw Eli shake her head at her at once. Imogen however, paid no attention to him, and Clare was overcome by goose bumps as Imogen brought out her characteristic perfect confidence and locked her gaze with Simpson's. She then said,

"It's really my fault, Sir. You see, Jake was saying mean things about me, and Eli stepped in to protect me. But Jake wouldn't quit; he's an animal, Principal Simpson. Once provoked, he shoved Eli into the picnic bench, purposely hurting his leg because he knew about Eli's earlier injury – how could he not? Everyone at the school does. So you see, Eli was only trying to stop Jake from saying those disgusting things about me – Jake is mad that unlike every airhead girl in this school, I didn't respond to his creepy advances. It's my fault, Principal Simpson, because I shouldn't have let Eli interfere, I should have just done _this _myself-" Imogen said, perfect inflections of confidence and deceiving hurt in her voice. Everyone then watched frozen as in one swift movement, Imogen reached forward with one of the crutches that she was holding, and she slammed it into Jake's leg, causing him to buckle over in pain.

"What the hell, _bitch_?" Jake yelled. Imogen had hit his shin with the metal, and it hurt…a lot.

"That's enough," Principal Simpson said at once as he tried to make sense of the situation.

Imogen's ways were new to Simpson and the sensible explanation that she had given had convinced him rather quickly – he reflected that in her two year past at Degrassi, he had never heard of the girl get in any trouble before. There was also the factor that Principal Simpson had always had a habit of always being a bit gentler with female students; he just had a subconscious tendency to always be a little more likely to believe them as opposed to trouble-making boys. As he looked at Imogen develop a deep blush when she had said that Jake Martin had said embarrassing things about her and he thought about how Eli Goldsworthy had always had a tendency to protect girls and Simpson knew that the two had struck up a friendship since working on the play together, Simpson became more and more inclined to believe her.

When he saw tears start to roll down Imogen's face, he immediately felt bad for the poor girl – he had noticed Jake Martin enjoying the attention of many girls since he had arrived at Degrassi, and always in a very…self-indulging way; he could easily imagine him not interacting well with Imogen, a girl who Simpson knew wouldn't really be the typical cheerleader for Jake's displays. Simpson watched the girl then nervously draw her combat jacket just a bit closer to her body as she shot nervous looks in Jake's direction. That final gesture on Imogen's part was enough for Principal Simpson to assign Jake a week of detention as well as a separate week of counselling with Mrs Sauve. Simpson made a mental note to ask Mrs Sauve to counsel Jake on respectful ways of talking about and interacting with girls. Jake immediately protested, of course, and he called Imogen a liar, but the Principal's patience for boys like Jake was rather thin and his mind was already made up.

Simpson then added, "As for you, Eli – this better be the last time you are involved in a fight. You can serve a week's worth of suspension with…Mrs. Dawes," a sentence that caused Eli to flash the Principal a small smirk. Eli realized that Simpson knew that he would spend at least an hour every day afterschool in the drama room for rehearsal with the cast and crew under Mrs. Dawes' supervision. Eli realized that Simpson was basically giving him a free pass. Simpson then sent everyone off, telling them to head to their respective classes.

As Eli thanked Imogen profusely for yet again getting him out of a sticky situation, feeling guilty that Imogen always did so much more for him than he ever did for her, Clare was furiously walking with Jake in the direction of her civics class.

"Jake, why did you talk about Imogen like that?" she asked him, the angry shaking of her head causing her curls to tussle from side to side.

"What?" he spat back at once. "That girl is crazy, and a psychotic liar to boot – how could you possibly think that I would ever even do as much as spare a second glance in her direction? She's not the least bit pretty at all; she looks like a freak. She's perfect for crazy psycho Eli, not me. Don't insult me, Clare," Jake snarled.

But if he had aimed that comment at making Clare feel better, Jake had miserably failed – he had rather achieved the very opposite. Not only was Clare's mind reeling with Jake's incredibly mean opinion, but it was also haunted by…what Imogen had said.

_ … unlike every airhead girl in this school, I didn't respond to his creepy advances._

As Clare and Jake separated – Jake stealing a forceful kiss from her before heading off – and she watched Marisol meet him with a huge smile for the biology class that Clare knew the two of them had together, Imogen's words kept echoing in Clare's mind. And she couldn't help but wonder if a fidelity clause was included in their agreement like Clare always thought that it would naturally be. Why wouldn't it be – when they had agreed to take a risk, they had agreed on a monogamous relationship, didn't they? And as Clare tried to remember what Jake's exact words had been when she had requested that they take a risk, she found that she…couldn't remember any. And she knew that even the conversation about such a subject would make Clare call her overdramatic at once.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Three weeks later, Clare let out the deepest exhale of her life when she saw the _single _pink line form on the display of the piece of plastic that she knew had the power to change her future in a split second. One line was good, it was great – she kept repeating to herself in sweet relief. Jake had used a condom – Clare had checked several times, but…Clare had managed to work herself into a state of paranoia, so she had decided to bus to a pharmacy across town and buy a pregnancy test…just in case. And as she was taking it in the privacy of her own bathroom, she could barely believe that this had become her reality. She felt as if she was watching a stranger from afar, and she washed her face four separate times, trying to control her wild flurry of thoughts.

_Everything is fine. It's fine. It's negative. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong, _she desperately repeated to herself.


	3. Dead Flowers

XXXXXXXXXX

"Have a good time, baby boy," Cece told her son, ecstatic to see him interested in going out and having fun. Both her and Bullfrog suspected that Eli's improved mood was related to the fact that he had received a call back from Chapters and he now had a job lined up for the weekends while school was still in session and for full time during the summer. And Eli's parents were rather correct in their suspicion; when Adam had called Eli and invited him to Degrassi third Movie Night of the semester, Eli didn't just accept because he didn't have the heart to refuse Adam – his usual reason for doing anything other than going to school, working on the play, writing or reading, seeing his therapist, and keeping on top of the latest music releases. Eli…was happy that he had gotten the job, and watching a movie with Adam sounded nice.

But Eli had never expected Bullfrog to hand him the keys to his MGB before he headed out the door. Eli was left so flabbergasted that all he could get was,

"Seriously?" as Bullfrog confirmed, telling Eli that he trusted him to be careful with 'his baby' as Cece flashed her husband and her son a beaming smile.

Eli even decided to give Imogen a call – he figured that it was the least that he could do to thank her for the way that she had covered for him during the Jake situation. Imogen waited for her phone to ring three times before she answered – she knew that she didn't want to come off as overeager – she knew that if Eli were to change his mind after all and realize that they should be together, she would have to wait for _him_ to come to _her_.

But when Imogen heard that he was calling to invite her to Movie Night, she couldn't help but feel her heart skip a beat – she couldn't help but think that…maybe her patience was finally being rewarded. But…Imogen's dad had promised to make up for the fact that he never took her to the 'Taming of the Shrew' production like he had promised to, and even if he wasn't home yet and the production of 'All's Well That Ends Well' that he had promised to take her to was starting in half of an house, she opted to go with her dad instead, thanking Eli for his invitation politely. Besides, Imogen reasoned, Eli liked to fight for the things that he wanted – she thought the best plan of action was to…leave him wanting more. He should make the first move, Imogen thought as she put her phone in her bad and debated if the dress she had on was her prettiest. She quickly took out her cinnamon buns and straightened her hair, knowing her dad wasn't fond of that style, and she wanted to look good for her father. She wanted him to be proud to have her on his arm.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"I don't want to talk about it ever again, Alli, please," Clare said as they made their way into the auditorium for Movie Night, referring to her blood curling pregnancy test moment.

"Okay. Okay. We won't, I promise," Alli said emphatically, feeling really bad for Clare. Alli couldn't even begin to imagine the choices that Clare would have had to consider if…she _had_ gotten pregnant. Alli had feared that no matter what advice she'd have given Clare, the entire decision making process would have driven Clare insane. So she took a deep breath and shook her head, grateful that they wouldn't actually have to deal with such a situation.

Alli then scanned the large group of students who were assembled for Movie Night, seeing Eli and Adam joking around on the middle bleacher. But Alli's look of indifference turned to one of confusion as she saw Jake sitting at the other end of the bleacher that was below the one that Eli and Adam were sitting on. She looked at Clare and asked,

"I thought Jake wasn't coming tonight," and gestured in his direction; Clare was studying the 'Love Roulette' poster.

Clare absent-mindedly said, "He's not. He went to his cabin with his dad". Clare had been rather happy that Jake had left, because she had been avoiding him profusely, still trying to process her feelings. However, as she turned her gaze she could immediately tell what had caused Alli to ask her about Jake – he was here after all, sitting by himself just below Eli and Adam.

But before Clare began walking in his direction, she saw…Marisol sit beside him and…then Jake leaned in and…kissed her, his hands traveling to her waist at once, pulling her on top of his lap as Marisol's hands clutched Jake's hair tightly. And in that moment, Clare knew that there was no way that that was a first kiss. As she also caught Eli and Adam raise an eyebrow in Jake's direction as a look of honest confusion stretched across both of their faces, Clare knew that Jake had been doing this behind her back…for a long time. And that…Jake couldn't care less about her feelings, or…ever really want anything more than something physical; just like…he had told her. Clare realized that…she had given Jake everything she had, and Jake had just selfishly taken it all. Without the slightest bit of remorse.

Clare didn't want to give Jake the satisfaction of seeing her upset because of him, so she just calmly walked up to him, and she immediately registered the awkward smile he threw her as he said,

"Hey. Thought you were busy tonight".

Clare pursed her lips and bit her tongue – she wanted nothing more than to explode at him, but she knew that she needed to not let her anger get the best of her, and with one deep she looked right into Jake's eyes as she snarled,

"It's over. This thing here, me and you, whatever it was, because it wasn't a relationship like you led me to believe that it was – it's _done_. From now on, when your dad comes to my house will be only time I will _tolerate_ your presence," she said as she saw Jake exhale and shake his head.

As Clare quickly ran out of the auditorium, she heard Alli's heels clicking rapidly behind her and once she was out in the hallway she felt Jake take her arm and turn her around.

Clare saw Alli ready to step in, so she gently said, "It's all right, Alli. Go inside, Sav's waiting for you. I need to be somewhere else, I just got a call," she specified, not wanting Jake to have the satisfaction of knowing that while he'd be obviously returning to Marisol's arms, she would be returning home to an empty house.

Clare didn't even spare Jake a second glance as she angrily said, "Get out of my way".

However, Jake immediately countered,

"Clare, come on. Why does everything have to be so dramatic?" words that only functioned to make Clare even angrier.

"You _knew_. You knew I didn't just want something casual," Clare accused him, "But you never did actually assert anything out loud when we made that agreement, didn't you? Well played," she snarled.

"Hey – you're not being fair here. This is all…new to me, this relationship stuff. I made a mistake – it was just a moment of weakness on my part; a mistake. I should've said no when Marisol asked me to come with her to this thing. But…you and I have a good thing. I'd hate to see it come to an end over something as silly as this. I like what you and I have," Jake responded.

"I _bet_ you do," Clare sharply said, shaking her head in fury. "But you can kiss it goodbye. _I_ was the one who should've said no – when you and your stupid naked chest invaded my kitchen. It's over, Jake. Don't ever talk to me at school ever again," Clare finished.

Jake just bitterly shook his head in response and shot back with a scoff, "Whatever. I don't need this," leaving Clare all alone in the hallway. Alli came out at once, having seen Jake head back into the auditorium and engage in a sloppy kiss with a very victorious-looking Marisol, but Clare managed to convince her to go back in after lying to her that her mom was already on her way to pick Clare up. Clare…didn't feel like listening to Alli right now.

Once Alli headed back into the auditorium and Adam saw Eli fidget nervously, he did the only thing that felt right to him.

"Eli - go. But don't…" Adam cautiously started.

"Adam," Eli said as he closed his eyes for a second, "I get it, all right? Don't worry. She chose _him_. Not _me_. She doesn't want me. I know that now. I just…want to make sure she gets home okay. She's upset, and she might be leaving on her own," Eli pointed out.

Adam emphatically nodded and replied, "Well, then, what are you still standing here talking to me for? Go make sure Clare's all right and that she gets home safe if she's not staying. Go on," and Eli did so after giving Adam a thankful look. It took him a while, because his leg hurt him sharply, but Eli made his way off the bleacher and began walking towards the door.

In the quiet of the hallway, the echoes of the opening credits of the movie was all Clare heard as she slid down in a corner, sitting on the second to last step of the staircase. Her eyes developed just the lightest film of tears as her mind was overwhelmed with all the warning signs that she had blindly ignored.

_Why does everything have to be so dramatic? / If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?_

_No one drives my truck but me, you know that baby, / Go slow. I just don't want you to get hurt. _

_Our parents don't need to know / I care – I really like you, ergo, I want them to like me. You should tell your mom how you feel. _

_I don't do relationships. Whatever this is – I like it. Just have fun, do what makes us happy / Not me. I'm not going anywhere. That's because we care about each other. _

_Who's your friend, Clare? You're another woman/ It's all about you, Clare – give me a chance, I'll prove it. Something special for my girl. _

_I don't want to force you, but it would really mean a lot to me if you came to the cabin this weekend. It's no big deal, but I'll take care of you, don't worry. You'll like it / You don't have to do this. This isn't who you are. I can't be the one to take your faith away. _

As memories were overflowing her mind, Clare felt as if she was waking up from a month-long coma, taking off the rose-colored glasses for the first time and seeing just who Jake _truly _was. Who the boy who she had given herself to completely was. The furthest from who she had always thought would allow to see her like that, touch her in that manner, and…love her. But then she shook her head bitterly, realizing that Jake had never come close to loving her…at all. He had only loved her body. But a girl's body was easy to replace, she realized, and she absolutely hated that while she _was_ hurt, Jake was able to quickly overcome what had happened, because there would always be…the next girl. And he wouldn't love her either, but…maybe the next girl would be smarter, Clare reflected. Maybe she would realize that Jake wouldn't love her either.

_Just like he never loved me. _

And Clare felt her eyes be overcome by large, round tears this time – not for Jake, but…for herself. For the self-destruction that she had set herself up towards. And for the realization that…she had only ever been loved by one boy in her entire life. And to that boy…she had bitterly rejected him, twice, and now it was too late to even be his friend. Clare knew the reason why he didn't talk to her was not only because she was always around Jake, but also because…it hurt him too much.

As a sob overtook her, she felt movement next to her and heard the impact of soles upon the floor, and through her teary eyes she looked up and saw…that boy, holding out a tissue to her and shooting her a sad smirk. Clare took the tissue from Eli and cleaned her face at once, not wanting Eli to think that she was crying over Jake, because she truly was doing no such thing. Clare then sadly watched as Eli sat down at a great distance away from her on the same step, and he just wrapped his arms around his legs and quietly said,

"I'm not…trying any stunt, here, Clare, and I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now," breaking her heart at once. Eli continued, "I just thought…maybe you'd like a ride home. After everything, it's really the absolute least that I could do."

When Eli saw Clare look at him in confusion, he got a blush on his cheeks and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with his hand as he explained, "I-um, I drove my dad's car here tonight, but…never mind, I get it," Eli said, barely able to keep himself together at the thought that Clare didn't want to drive with him. Because he was too…dangerous.

He just quietly whispered, "I wouldn't want to drive with someone who did that either," he evasively said, because remembering that night hurt him too much. He couldn't make a specific reference about it…not to the girl in front of him.

Clare shook her head at once, however, and immediately said, "No, Eli, that's not it; I want to. Thank you. Let's go," and Eli shot her a tiny smirk in response as he took her bag and asked, "May I?" in reference to the newspaper binder that she was carrying, and after a gentle smile, Clare handed it over to Eli.

Once they had reached the parking lot, Eli led Clare to Bullfrog's MGB and shyly asked, "Um – is this okay?" not sure of Clare's car preferences. All Eli knew was that she loved Jake's shiny red truck and hated Morty. And in the second that Eli posed that question, Clare wanted to burst into tears. She didn't want Eli to think of her as some sort of princess, but she understood why he might, so all she could do was immediately assure him,

"It's perfect," and she tried to hold back her tears as Eli instinctively held the car door open for her, a habit of his and something that Jake had never done.

Once Clare was in the passenger's seat and Eli was in front of the wheel, her heart swelled when she saw him turn on the heat at once – another thing that he had always done for her, knowing her tendency to always get a little cold in the chilly Toronto evenings, while Jake had strictly prohibited her to ever touch anything in his truck.

Clare then realized how much she had changed Eli's evening, so she shyly started, "E-Eli, you're gonna miss movie night now," but he immediately countered,

"Trust me, all I've been doing in my spare time is watching movies. I really could use a break, don't worry about that," and Clare was overcome by a deep sadness. She also wondered why Eli wasn't taking his leather jacket off – it was so warm inside the car, but she didn't want to ask him. The last thing she wanted to make Eli feel was like he would have to change her ways…for her…again. Eli had already tried so hard, and she had only…rejected him. For Jake.

As Clare was watching Eli's eyes scan the road and his one functioning leg expertly move across the pedals in function of the lights on the road, she gently asked,

"Does your leg hurt?" knowing she should have also asked about his ribs, his nose, and his lip, but she didn't want to overwhelm him.

"I can't feel it," Eli lied, and he wanted to make Clare a bit happier so he playfully added, "It's spent so much time in a cast this year, it actually feels rather normal – lets me have a top model's strut when combined with dear old Gregory," he smirked, pointing to his cane. Clare did reward him with a few giggles, and Eli's heart just about skipped a beat at his favourite sound, but Clare was also…incredibly sad that Eli had spent so much time…hurt, in one way or another.

"If it does ever hurt, do you have painkillers to take for it?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

"I –um, can't take those with my anti-anxiety meds," Eli answered, almost in a whisper, and the embarrassment on his face was at once obvious. He slowly continued, "I…have both types of medicine from my doctor, because…I have been off the anxiety medication for a few weeks now when my doctor said that I'm able to handle difficult situations without it because I have learned other coping techniques through therapy. But…I'm still kind of new at all of this stuff, and the play is approaching so that will be a lot, so I…have them anyway. If I need one. But I can't really tell if I need one until a stressful situation comes up, so I can't be on the pain medicine for my leg just in case I do need an anti-anxiety pill," Eli finished, the explanation exhausting him. He let out a deep breath, feeling the tension leave his body as Clare watched him drive down towards the familiar roads to her house without the slightest need for directions.

Clare knew that talking about his sickness wasn't easy for Eli. She knew that whereas he had never minded being different, he felt that his condition was a bad kind of different; she knew that Eli sometimes saw it as a line that separated him from others, a line that 'normal' people wouldn't want to cross. And she knew this was largely to do with the fact that she had left him…her only explanation being the fact that he scared her. She wanted to make him feel a bit better and to express her gratitude for sharing so much with her, so she warmly said,

"That's good, Eli. That's really, really good," and the compassion in her voice struck Eli as he gripped the steering wheel a little tighter as he was driving past the Canon theatre, and Clare longingly looked at the heading _So You Think You Can Dance: Finalists Perform Tonight. _She had asked Jake to take her, but he had….lied that he couldn't because he would be going to his cabin with his dad.

Eli noticed Clare's gaze and upon glancing up to see the heading of the performance scheduled at the theatre tonight, he understood at once – he knew Clare liked that dance show; she had even subjected him to a few episodes when it was first starting when they were dating. Even if Eli felt like he was dying a slow and painful death watching it, he knew it made Clare happy, so he had just resolved to grin and bear it, making as many jokes as possible throughout every episode. But when they had been dating, the show was just starting with open auditions – and now the finalists had been selected, a winner had been declared, and they were all returning for a show that people could buy tickets to as opposed to being broadcast on TV. Eli sadly reflected that….so much can change in so little time, as he was sitting in a car that he was not used to driving, with a broken leg and every bone in his body aching, prescription medicine for a mental health condition in his jacket pocket, scared of removing the leather jacket from his body and have Clare notice that he had gotten skinnier, and…Clare and him being the furthest thing from together possible. Eli hated it, with every fibre in his being, and he now realized that…things had crumbled no matter how hard he had tried to keep them together, and it was mostly his fault in his mind.

Clare saw him pull over slowly and as she shot him a confused look, he asked,

"What time do you have to be home?" with a playful smirk on his lips.

"My mom is out, I told her I'd be home at eleven," Clare answered, wondering what Eli was up to.

"Clare," he started, as their gazes locked. "Do you want to go in and see that show? It says tickets are still available," Eli said, pointing to the sign in the window. He continued, "They will probably be really bad seats because it's hard to find last minute tickets to popular events, but…maybe you just need something to take your mind off of things, just for a bit. And…you like those dances," Eli shyly pointed out as Clare did all that she could to not burst out in tears. Her reflections ever since seeing Jake with Marisol had indeed led her to realize that Eli was…everything Jake was not, but the potent illustration of this matter through the fact that Eli was offering to take her to this show with the way things were between them and without her ever having asked him – it was…almost too much.

But Eli misinterpreted Clare's silence as…another rejection on her part, and as much as he wanted to just let this go…he was rather convinced that making Clare forget about all the trouble with Jake was the right thing to do, so he just awkwardly stumbled,

"I-I won't – we…we don't have to sit together, you don't have to be seen with me, don't worry. I'll just sit a few rows away or something. Or-or I could wait in the car – yeah, no, that's better. I have some last minute things to work out for the play anyway – need to write in a reason for the protagonist being in a cast," Eli said, attempting to make a joke.

However, Clare cast him a heartbroken look at once, her entire face falling. She couldn't believe that Eli had convinced himself that…she didn't want to be seen with him.

"I want to go. But I want to go _with you_," she replied at once, but Eli wouldn't meet her gaze – he was staring out his window as if the lead singer of Dead Hand was outside, holding open auditions for a writer to chronicle their North American tour.

"Eli," Clare repeated, "I want to go with you," she said again, and Eli slowly turned and nodded.

Clare felt herself feel just a bit better as she heard Eli said, "Okay – let's hurry then, see what tickets are still left. It'll be a nice break," he said emphatically, and Clare felt a warm feeling take over her entire body when she realized that…Eli was right.

She didn't want to think of Jake, or of all her recent mistakes, or of whatever was going on between Jake's dad and her mom. She wanted to…watch the dances that she had adored seeing on TV in person. And Eli would take her, she thought. Of course he would. Eli would…do whatever she wanted to make her happy.

"Okay," she nodded, but as she saw Eli reach over to open his door, she grabbed his arm at once and burst out, "Why are you being so nice to me? Why?" and tears flooded her eyes at once. She was no longer able to hold back her tears as she saw Eli cast her the most concerned look she had received in a long, long time.

"Clare…" he whispered, "I…was awful to you. For a long time. With that play…everything was scrambled in my head. It took me a long time to get it right. Everything was just all…filtered through my diseased thoughts and…confusion. Some caused by Imogen, but not all of it. And she stopped once I asked her to, and with more time and work, I…finally got the play right. But…I wasn't so nice to you. And you know it. Plus…there was everything I put you through before. Really, this is the least I could do," Eli confessed.

Clare shook her head wildly, however, and Eli was captivated by the movement of her curls as she said, "And I…paraded Jake in front of you just so I could get a rise out of you. I _knew _it wasn't an easy time for you, and I…instead of trying to make it easier for you…Eli, I-I played with your mind when I knew better," she whined tearfully.

Eli wanted to…hold Clare and to wipe her tears away, but he thought she wouldn't like that, so he just gently handed her a tissue from the glove compartment and said, "Please, don't cry. This isn't worth crying over. We're supposed to…forget tonight, okay? Just…for a little bit? I…have a few things that it would be nice to get away from as well, just for a bit," and he was very relieved when he saw Clare nod in response as she wiped her tears away with the tissue.

However, she wasn't exactly finished. "I'm sorry, Eli," she whispered, and Eli exhaled deeply before he said, "I'm sorry too, Clare. Really sorry".

Eli then watched a large tremor overtake Clare's body as her piercing blue eyes fixed on his green ones and her entire body was shaking as she said, "Eli, I…did something _bad_. _Really _bad. With him. Something I regret so much. I lost my…at his cabin, I had se-" Clare started, but Eli flinched at once and cut her off immediately.

He was sure that his heart would stop if he heard it said out loud. If there was one thing that had always been completely capable of making him lose his mind, it was…bad guys taking advantage of Clare's naiveté and…trying to do that with her.

"_Don't_…say it. I know," Eli assertively said, making Clare immediately think back to the moment in which their gazes had locked outside the school the weekend…after.

"I know. I know, don't say it, I know, please don't say it, just don't say it out loud," Eli kept softly whispering as his hands clutched the barbed wire leather protector on the driving wheel and he kept his gaze on the road, creating a sight that absolutely broke Clare's heart. Before their break-up, Eli had sat her down in order to properly discuss her vow post-hoarding revelation, and Eli had confessed to Clare that he would wait as long as necessary for their someday to come. He had assured her that if Clare wanted to wait until her wedding day, he saw the biggest honour of his life as the day that he would get to marry her, and their wedding night when he could replace her purity ring with a wedding band. Clare knew that now, there was only one person who her broken vow hurt almost more than it hurt her. And he was hiding his face in the steering wheel, unable to say anything. And it was a few minutes before he finally softly said,

"Clare…I know it's a lot to deal with. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. But…you _can_ overcome this. It's not…the end of the world. Were you, um…safe – are you okay?" Eli asked, his mind unable to completely wrap around the fact that he had to ask…if Clare had been safe in her relations with a boy that…wasn't him. Eli knew that had she ever decided to break her vow with him, he would have taken perfect care of her. He never would have pushed her into anything that he knew she wasn't ready for, and it would have meant the world to him if she had chosen to trust him in that way. Because Eli thought that although he wasn't worth much to Clare, she was everything to him.

"Yes," Clare whispered, incredibly petrified of this conversation.

"Well, okay, at least there's that. It's actually incredibly important, so I'm glad that…it's all okay in that department," Eli awkwardly stumbled. I know how much that meant to you, Clare, but…you can't let it get to you now. It will…drive you _insane _if you just keep thinking about it. I'm not trying to trivialize it, because I know how important it was to you. I know you think that because I'm not Christian, I have no morals or values and that I'm just this…broken, messed up thing that's…all wrong," Eli said, sharing his innermost feelings with Clare in a moment of loss of control, and Clare stared at him broken-hearted.

Eli continued, "And you might not believe me when I say this, but I understand how much it meant to you, and I absolutely hate that it happened like this. But…I'm worried about the aftermath now – it has the potential to…break you. And you _can't _let it break you, Clare. It's in the past. My therapist always says I can't focus on things in the past that I can change; that the present and the future are most important," Eli said, getting a look of embarrassment on his face as he then stumbled out, "Um. Sorry. Lame therapist advice creeping out of me".

Clare however, just surprised Eli by softly replying, "That's good advice, Eli. Thank you," with a small smile.

Eli then let out a bitter laugh as he continued, "But just so you know – I'm going to beat him up. I know that stuff always bothered you, but we're not together anymore. He's in for it," Eli gritted.

"Eli," Clare gently said, "But you already did. You already beat him up for that," shocking Eli – Clare had finally realized the true nature of Eli and Jake's fight.

She slowly said, "He wasn't talking about Imogen. He was talking about…me. About….our cabin trip. That's why you got in a fight," and Eli nodded, looking just a bit ashamed.

Clare then saw Eli flash her a smirk as he continued, "And I totally would have been the one who was going to kill, if he hadn't been a total coward and gone for my bum leg immediately". Eli expected Clare to get immensely upset with his discussion, but he was taken aback when instead she just….giggled and said, "I know you could have, Eli. I know you could have".

Clare then softly whispered, "Do you want to know the worst part?" and she only looked at the compassion in Eli's eyes as she continued, "I can't even…say that I have anything to reproach him for".

However, Eli just slammed his fists on the driving wheel and immediately said, "Dammit, Clare. You have _everything _to reproach him for. Don't you see? He took advantage of you, and later even…cheated," incredulous at how Clare could say such a thing. Eli continued, "He was a _horrible_ boyfriend and he knew what he was doing the whole time".

Clare however, responded, "Exactly. He knew what he was doing the whole time. And so did I. He was not my boyfriend, Eli," she sighed, and Eli didn't explode like Clare thought he would, but he just shrugged and said,

"Ex-boyfriend, whatever. He knew what he was doing was wrong, trust me, Clare," but when she saw that Eli didn't understand, Clare bit her lip in embarrassment and finally explained to Eli,

"Eli…he told me from the very beginning that he didn't do committed relationships. He was not my boyfriend, he was more like…the guy who I was involved with. Casual, friends with benefits, if you will. I thought…that after I told him I couldn't really do that – we tried it and it stopped feeling so casual very quickly – I thought…that we had something more than that. But…I was wrong. We were only friends with benefits all along. I called him my boyfriend; but he never called me his girlfriend. I was just…another woman," Clare said, and if an elephant were to have fallen out of the sky and on top of his dad's MGB Eli couldn't have been more surprised.

Clare felt her whole body develop a deep red blush and her cheeks flaming as only now did she realize how ridiculous it sounded. How…cheap it made her look and feel.

She looked over at Eli and all she saw on his face was…the emotions of a boy who could not possibly be more wounded. It was a long time before Eli spoke, but when he finally did, he said,

"Wow. Well, um, I don't…I don't know much about that type of a relationship," making Clare want to burst into tears all over again. Eli's relationships – the only two that he had – meant the world to him, and Clare knew this. He knew that Eli wouldn't ever embark upon an arrangement like the one that she had reached with Jake, and…she couldn't believe just how stupid she had been.

Eli continued, "But I can definitely say that friends with benefits or not, Jake knew _exactly_ what he was doing. There's not a doubt in my mind about that. He knew you were a boyfriend kind of girl, Clare. He knew and he crossed a line, don't try to convince me he didn't; I'm a guy – let me guess - he told you that you didn't have to – but that's just selective language; that's how guys like that talk to girls. I don't care what he said to you, he…played with your mind for his own selfish pleasures. It doesn't matter what you want to label it, Clare. What he did was wrong. You have every right to be mad," Eli quite appropriately pointed out.

"Eli…" Clare trailed off, swallowing deeply before continuing, "Thank you," and after another long pause she whispered, "Eli…how are things with you?" curious to know.

Eli shrugged his shoulders as he answered, "I'm fine. Just school, play – that's taking up a lot of my time - therapy, hanging out with Adam when we both get a second of spare time – oh, and I got a job at Chapters. Starting the weekend after the play and then full-time in the summer," he shared with Clare, and she hated how she didn't know much about any of those things.

Eli continued, "I'm…trying to reach a good place. Dr. Sadler – my therapist – says I'll eventually get there," he whispered.

"You….already have, Eli," Clare pointed out, not having been blind to the improvements that Eli had made since the start of the semester. And Clare knew that he had also constantly been under a lot of stress since that time…with her always in his business, writing about the play.

"Thanks, Clare. It means a lot…coming from you, you know," Eli said, and Clare detected the emotion in his voice.

She then gently thought out loud, "You…have improved yourself, and I-I have destroyed myself," Clare whispered.

"I was such a stupid girl, Eli. I thought…that maybe Jake and I had a real relationship, but looking back on it – I don't know how I ever had such an idea. Oh, and he played his cards just right," Clare said, bitterly shaking her head as she thought back to the beginning of her relationship with Jake. Eli's heart was quickly breaking as all he wanted to do was to pull Clare into a soft hug and pat her curls down and coo her softly, but…he thought he had no right to do that and he thought Clare would recoil at once, so he just listened, the warmth in his eyes evident to Clare as she continued,

"He never _actually_ called me anything but 'another woman,'" Clare deadpanned as she saw Eli's fists clench until his knuckles turned white. "He just let me believe…what I wanted to, making a fool out of me behind my back the entire time," Clare whispered. "Turns out I _was _a joke," Clare painfully wept, and Eli could no longer control his impulses. He reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a tissue and gently wiped her eyes, removing her running mascara slowly, starting on one side of her face and gently moving to the other, as he had seen his mother do so many times.

He gently whispered, "Shh. Shh. Clare. You're not a joke, don't say that," hoping she would stop demeaning herself like this. It was more than Eli could take. He couldn't stand seeing the girl he loved in such a state because of that…jerk. Eli loathed the disgusting way in which Jake had played with her mind – he knew Jake had purely manipulated Clare and that he never meant to ever care about her. To look after her. But what hurt Eli the most was that Clare…clearly had had feelings for Jake. He had turned out to be more than just a rebound. And Eli wondered if Clare loved how all-popular and balanced Jake was, and if she had been glad to finally be rid of his crazy psychotic self and hang onto the arm of one of the most sought-after boys at Degrassi. And Eli knew that she had. And he wondered how his heart could keep beating after that realization.

Clare let out another painful sob before she choked out, "Eli…did you see how I…changed? How I acted? I had making out sessions with a boy who only cared about my body in empty classrooms before the bell rang, I had him over for candlelit dinners that I knew he was only coming for to have his stupid 'fun', I did things in his truck…and at his cabin. I haven't read a book in ages, I haven't…talked to a friend about anything other than making out and such in…forever. I…lost myself," she said, in a whisper that felt like a bullet straight to Eli's heart.

"Don't…say that. It's not true; you haven't destroyed yourself. Look at me," Eli told her, and she listened. "It's over now, Clare. You're out of that bed, out of that cabin, out of whatever tiny city he took you to, and you're fine. What matters most is what you do _from now on_. But…please…don't talk about _that_…about what you did with him. I-I…can't," Eli gritted out. He couldn't listen to Clare talk about the things she had done with Jake. Eli knew that it was the only thing in this world that had the power to drive him crazy all over again. And he knew he had a right to protect himself. He couldn't let the crazy get the best of him, as Imogen would often gently tell him.

"Did you see how I…behaved? _Did you?_" Clare was now erratically shouting, her blue eyes flooded with tears.

"I saw. I saw," Eli then whispered, wondering how that could possibly make her feel any better.

"I kissed other boys too, you know. Before Jake fooled me into thinking I had something real with him," Clare said, and Eli couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was just a single step away from letting the tidal flood of hurt that he was keeping away let wash over his entire body.

"Liam," Clare whispered, knowing the boy's name would be familiar to Eli – Clare had noticed that Liam and Eli were spending a bit of time together as Eli patiently explained to him all of the music and lighting clues for the play, and she had also seen them sharing music magazines and trading iPODs, both of them having similar taste in music.

Eli really didn't know what to say, and it was obvious that he was shocked to hear that Liam's lips had touched Clare's. However, after a few seconds, Eli just gently said, "Liam's…okay, Clare. Don't worry about him. He's not hurt. He's a good guy; I think he probably must have understood you were confused and going through a rough time,"

"I know…that he's a good guy. He called me out on it at once, you know – said I was using him. And I flinched…but I knew he was right – so why was I so blind?" Clare asked Eli.

Eli took a deep breath and exhaled painfully as he said, "Clare…" but he trailed off, not being sure what to say anymore and drowning in his own hurt.

"Eli?" Clare whispered as their gazes locked.

"Why…didn't Jake like me enough to really make me his girlfriend like I thought he did? Why wasn't I…_enough_? Why? Why did he never drive me anywhere unless he knew we were going somewhere where we could be alone? _Why_?" she choked out, not aware of the complete torture that she was putting Eli through.

Eli just gently took her hand, hoping she wouldn't misinterpret this as an unwanted advance and said, "Clare…you shouldn't drive yourself crazy analyzing Jake's behaviour. He doesn't…he just doesn't think like that; he doesn't…care what he does to girls and he…never will. It's not about being good enough – that idiot had the most amazing girl and he lost her because of his own stupidity. He doesn't deserve you – that's just how it is. It's not about being good enough; that's not the way his mind works," Eli emphasized, repeating his argument because he knew Clare was so very distraught. "It's _his_ loss, and it's not your fault he's too much of a jerk to even realize that – he just lost the best thing that ever happened to him. _That _you can bet I'm right on – take it from a fool who knows," Eli said, his voice getting just a bit raspier at the end of that sentence. Eli looked directly at Clare as he was sharing that with her, and the girl was so overwhelmed by Eli's kind words that she did the only thing she had been used to doing around boys lately. She lunged forward in an attempt to kiss Eli, but Eli was so surprised and understood why she was doing this at once, so he immediately pulled his body away, hitting the driver's window of Bullfrog's MGB.

"Clare…" Eli sighed, thinking that out of everything she had done since their break-up, _this_ was the most hurtful thing. Eli didn't want a kiss from her like this…when it meant nothing. And as Clare looked at his slight shaking, she knew. She understood that unlike Jake, kisses actually meant something to Eli.

Eli whispered, "You…had a bit of an intense night. You don't want to kiss me. You just broke up with Jake, and you clearly still have feelings for him. I can't…just kiss you if it doesn't mean anything. I…can't kiss you if I'm not your boyfriend. But I know you don't want me to be, so don't take this as rejection – I…just don't think you really mean to kiss me, not emotionally anyway. It's been a long night for you, you're tired, I can tell," Eli explained himself, as Clare became completely and utterly embarrassed. She knew it was wrong to play with Eli's sensitive mind and heart like this.

She watched him slowly add, "This…I can just…see you leaning. You're bound to fall, and I don't want to be that mistake. I know you look back on what we had as a big mistake. I don't want…to be the guy to add another mistake to our memories just because I'd like to kiss you," and Eli was so overcome with frustration and emotion that he added something that perhaps he shouldn't have. "And I've _already_ driven myself insane trying to imagine Imogen as you whenever we do the play kiss in rehearsal. I can't…I can't be the one to kiss you just because I'd like to. It doesn't work that way," Eli said, and Clare wanted to apologize, but all she seemed able to do was to nod.

She then heard Eli sigh and his next question made Clare remember than what she had with Eli was even more than a committed relationship; it was a true friendship.

"Clare…how are things with your parents? With your mom?" and Eli's care made Clare miss him with a force so powerful that she was immediately overcome with a hot, powerful sadness and she wanted nothing more than to burst into the comfort of tears.

But…Clare had overheard Imogen say something to Eli in the hallway one time, and she remembered Imogen's advice. Clare could remember the picture clearly in her mind; while Alli was chattering away about Dave in her ear, she saw Eli sitting down on the floor, his hair just a bit messy, reading the _Degrassi Daily_…which contained one of her not-so-gentle reviews of the play process in which she questioned whether everything would be ready in time for production. Clare knew that she had crossed a line in the moment in which Fiona came to her at once, and asked her to stop fighting the production, telling Clare that her actors didn't need the added stress of being criticized before the show even began; Fiona had told her that everyone was well aware of the time, and informed her that this is how it is with all productions as important dates approach. Unlike Eli, Fiona wasn't hesitant of telling Clare exactly how she felt, and she told Clare to stop being so combatant and even inserted a little sharp stinging remark about how Declan didn't seem to remember her as so mean, a comment that had made Clare blush at once. And as she watched Eli scan the paper and he shook his head, Clare felt guilty.

She knew that she had written the article in order to get a rise out of Eli, and when she saw it work, it didn't feel as great as she thought it would have. And when she could tell that tears were forming in his eyes, she regretted her cruelty at once. And then she saw Imogen approach Eli and gently sit down next to him and she overheard Imogen tell him, "Eli…it's just not true. Every cast and crew hits crunch time; the magic of a show is how it _does_ come together. We all know what we have to do Eli; you and Fiona have coached us so well. At a certain point…you two just have to step back and trust us to carry it. Because we can," and Clare watched as Eli hid his face in his knees and didn't really reply to Imogen.

She had then heard Imogen softly add, "Eli…be strong. _Don't_ give in to the sadness. Because if you do, it becomes a tendency and it will happen over and over again. You have to practice staying strong instead. I've seen you do it before; you got this, Eli. Wipe away the tears. We're done now. We have a show to do now. Come on, Liam says he found a cool new effect he wants to show you. It's a light that he will shine on me when I'm happy and that he'll take off when the conflict starts; he says he calls it my special aura," Imogen giggled. Clare had watched as she had patiently waited for Eli to have a minute to gather himself, and then she slowly helped him get up off the floor, and they both walked in the direction of the auditorium, leaving Clare dismayed and…angry at no one but herself. Now, sitting in Bullfrog's car with Eli, Clare remembered Imogen's good advice and choked back her tears as she answered Eli's question.

"I wrote that letter to my mom, Eli. And I want to give it to her tonight," and she began to feel just a bit better as she saw Eli flash her a smirk in response and he approved, "That sounds like a great idea, Clare".

"Eli?" Clare shyly asked and after Eli gave her an inquiring "Yes?" she continued, "Thank you…for taking me to this show. It's…it's just what I need," she confessed.

"Of course, Clare. It's really…the absolute least I can do. But let's go see what this ticket situation is," Eli said with a smirk, and a few seconds later he held the car door open for Clare and led her to the ticket office.

Clare watched Eli pull out his wallet as the attendant flashed him a smile and said,

"Good evening, Sir. How can I help you?"

"We're hoping you have a pair of tickets left for the show tonight – we're kind of banking on it," Eli said with a smirk.

"There's just a few left, Sir – upper bowl," the attendant responded, and Clare saw Eli frown a little as he told her, "Not the best seats, but I think it's going to be our only option".

"It's perfect, Eli," Clare encouraged him.

"We'll take them, then," Eli told the attendant, handing her his credit card before Clare even heard the attendant declare "That'll be one hundred and twenty six dollars, Sir".

"VISA, please," Eli told the attendant as he gestured towards his card, but Clare immediately said,

"Wow, Eli, hang on, wait. That's a lot of money," she pointed out, her cheeks blushing as she added, "I don't want you to spend that much money on me," but Eli cut her Clare off right away. Clare heard the raw emotion in his voice as he said,

"Clare…once upon a time you were my best friend. This is the least I can do. I'd like to give you just a few hours of peace. It's really just a brick…in a Berlin Wall – how little this is, but it's what I can do right now, so I'd really like it if you let me do it. Tonight…we just forget. And sixty bucks per ticket is actually pretty good for a show. It's…a unique experience, seeing these dancers do their routines live, right?" Eli asked her in slight confusion as he really had no clue about dance shows.

Clare softly nodded as she realized what it meant to Eli to be able to do this for her, so she softly told him, "Thank you," as the attendant handed Eli two tickets.

Once inside the theatre, Clare and Eli were both overwhelmed by the pleasant smell of coffee and treats. Eli gestured toward the food and drinks counter and excitedly asked Clare, "What should we get? Lattes? They probably have those German pretzels that you like and M and Ms – they'll have those for sure. Tough choices – my vote is that we get everything," widening his eyes playfully.

Clare's heart swelled as she realized that…Eli remembered all of her favourites, but…he didn't just assume and order for her. He asked…wanting to make her content. To give her what she wants. To make her happy. Clare had almost forgotten what it felt like to be treated this way.

"That sounds perfect, Eli," Clare replied, wanting to reassure him because she knew that it was what he needed right now. Eli then made Clare's request reality, because it was what he liked to do best, and when they walked into the theatre a large smile crossed Clare's face at the sight of the stage, the lights, and the large _So You Think You Can Dance _logo that was projected onto the red curtains. Seeing that bright smile cross Clare's face made Eli feel happier than he had in a long time. There was nothing that he loved more than knowing that that smile had appeared in response to something that he had done.

Eli and Clare rushed to their seats, knowing that the show was just a few minutes away from starting, and after climbing up what seemed like a set of interminable stairs, Eli's leg soon throbbing in pain, they reached their seats…in the second to last row of the theatre.

Clare was very familiar with Eli's passion for going to concerts, and how much he valued the prime seats that his dad was able to get, and she knew that Eli had really wanted her to have the best possible time tonight, so she gently said,

"Eli, this is great. These seats are good," but she couldn't control her giggles when Eli flashed a huge smirk in her direction and raised an eyebrow in her direction as he declared,

"Edwards, these are _terrible_ seats – the worst ever with the exception of the last row that may I point out, is just behind us". Clare then caught Eli's cheeky that crossed Eli's face as he looked down into the other rows.

She heard him continue, "Unless…" and the inquiring look on Eli's face made Clare curious so she immediately asked,

"What?"

Eli replied, "Okay, so this is a dance show right?" and Clare nodded. "Now I've never been to one of these, but I'm assuming that in order for there to be any purpose to you actually watching it you need to actually see stuff up close," and Clare reluctantly nodded again, knowing Eli had a point.

"Where are you going with this?" Clare asked.

"Well, maybe after a few dances we could…reassess the situation," Eli mischievously said, and he then pointed to the sections at the very front, to the right and left side. He explained, "Those sections often don't sell all the seats. They reserve some for VIPs who often never show. We could move down there if no one's using them tonight," Eli said.

"We'd be allowed?" Clare asked at once, thinking about…the great view that they could have from those seats.

"Well, it's not exactly neither encouraged nor outright outlawed. My parents and I have done it times of times," Eli informed Clare and he flashed her another playful smirk before he added, "I'm happy to do either, just…I know you really like this show. And we…sort of have a secret weapon, Edwards," he continued as Clare raised an eyebrow curiously.

Clare then saw Eli tap his cast meaningfully with his cane as he playfully employed a wounded look and said, "You see, I'm a disabled, injured fan. It's hard for me to get up and down all of these stairs. I hardly think that if anyone sees me, they'd pick on us and say something," and Clare smiled widely at Eli in response and threw him a playful wink as well.

Much to Eli's delight after the show started and Clare watched the first few dances in complete rapture, she took Eli's hand in hers. The contact made Eli feel as if his heart was going to jump out of this chest any second, and he adored the playful grin that stretched on Clare's face as she gently, but purposefully led him down the stairs. Clare then flashed her adorable coy smile and cheekily employed her shy out-from-under gaze as an usher immediately gestured for her and Eli to come into the section, giving them a permitting smile.

As they sat down in their seats and Clare smiled widely when she realized that from these new seats, she could see every movement of the dancers' every muscle, she cheekily leaned over and whispered,

"Well played, Eli," and she watched as the only boy who had ever loved her gave her a playful smirk in response. The intensity of which Eli was gazing into Clare's eyes caused the girl to fully realize…just how different he was from Jake. In that moment, Clare knew that…while Jake had encouraged her to take risks that compromised Clare's…everything, Eli would never push her to do anything unsafe or that made her uncomfortable. Eli…had always pushed her in just the right ways, and…he had always been her safety net. Eli had always been there to catch her. Just like tonight…he had given her exactly what she needed.

As Clare watched the graceful dancers perform the exquisite routines that she recognized from the many TV episodes that she had adored, her mind was at ease for the first time in a long time. She allowed herself to just enjoy the moment and she drowned in the music and beautiful artistry that was in front of her. Eli didn't understand the routines to the same extent as Clare because he just did not have the detailed knowledge of dance that Clare did, but the romantic in him enjoyed the slow Viennese waltzes that couples performed, and he had an overwhelming sense of loss at the memory of the fact that…he had never gotten to share a dance with Clare.

Clare's look of enchantment never left her face throughout the entire show, and Eli was on cloud nine as he would sneak glances at her, being immediately captivated by her blue eyes. The show felt like it went by in a blink to both of them, and as they walked towards Bullfrog's MGB and Eli quickly sent his mom a text to say that he would be home soon – a new habit that he had developed since the accident. Eli held the car door open to Clare, and as she hopped in, she was excitedly saying,

"Oh, but that contemporary number where they were both wearing black – it was so raw and powerful, but I don't think it was my favourite. Which one did you like, Eli?" she asked him, and she giggled in response to Eli's slightly confused look.

As they both put on their seatbelts and Eli turned the heat on in the car, he answered, "Um, I have no idea what it's called, or what type of dance it was, but the one with the blond girl and the tall guy where she was wearing that blue dress – if that helps at all," Eli described as best as he could.

"Are you kidding? That's my favourite too – it was Natalie and Francis doing a Viennese waltz. So elegant and beautiful," Clare sighed as Eli repeated "Viennese waltz," the words sounding incredibly foreign in his mind as a look of confusion stretched across his face and Clare couldn't control her giggles.

They spent the rest of the drive discussing the show and laughing and joking as Eli expertly drove down the familiar roads to Clare's house as she was thinking of how…fun it was to spend time with Eli. No touching involved; just…talking. It wasn't long before he was walking her to her front door, and as he said,

"Thanks for tonight, Clare. Hope everything turns out with your mom – I know she'll listen to you, so don't be afraid to tell her how you feel. Have a good night," Clare once again took a step in his direction, that caused Eli to back up at once, the cast on his leg hitting a flower pot that in turn collided with the door and created a loud noise.

"Sorry, sorry," Eli said at once, as he picked up the flower pot and returned it to its rightful place.

Clare's cheeks developed a very pronounced blush as she admitted, "I just…I wanted to give you a hug, nothing more," she clarified, knowing that…she had already rejected Eli twice.

"I can't," Eli softly whispered, hoping that Clare would understand that even just a hug would be more than he could handle. He didn't want a hug from her like this. She meant too much to him. And although Clare wasn't too thrilled, she understood. She knew that her double rejection, cold demeanour and parading of Jake had deeply wounded Eli. When he was already so fragile. She couldn't blame him for not longer knowing what to think.

"Thank you for tonight, Eli. It…was just what I needed," she softly said, but just before Eli was about to respond, the front door flung open, revealing an incredibly furious Helen Edwards at the other end.

Clare scanned her mom's face in confusion as Helen immediately said, "Clare Diana Edwards, get yourself inside this house _this minute_," and she saw Eli widening his eyes in surprise.

He started, "Miss Edwards, it's my fault, Clare and I didn't want to stay at movie night so – " but Clare's mom cut him off at once and grabbed both of their arms and pulled them inside the house as she angrily muttered, "Oh - I am _very _aware that it's your fault, Eli, don't you dare talk to me like that, you deceiving little…I can't believe this," leaving Eli and Clare both completely confused. Eli knew that there were still fifteen whole minutes until Clare's curfew, so he was just a little bit unsure of why Clare's mom was reacting this way.

"Mom, what are you-" Clare started, but Helen told both her and Eli to sit down on the couch, and in their shock, they did. And as Clare saw her mom pull out the pregnancy test that Clare had taken this morning, all the blood drained from her face as she realized that she had forgotten to take her bathroom garbage out.

_She knows. She knows. She knows. _

Helen flung the test at Clare in a fit of rage as Eli looked at it in shock – he knew he shouldn't be surprised, but in his mind, the thought of someone else touching Clare, kissing her, taking her clothes off and doing that to her…it just couldn't be processed, so seeing the little plastic stick was a too much for him. He did however, need to know just one thing.

"What does one line mean? What does it mean?" he asked frantically, and when Clare whispered, "Negative," he let out a deep sigh. The sight infuriated a confused Helen even more, if such a thing was possible, and she immediately yelled,

"Oh I _bet_ you are relieved, Eli. You do this to my daughter – you're not enough of a decent human being to respect the fact that she broke up with you after she couldn't stand your ways anymore, you have to play with her mind after, not respecting her wish for you to leave her alone for once and for all. So you convince her to have _sex _with you," Helen snarled, and as Eli realized what was happening, only one thought ran through his mind.

_I don't deserve this. _

But if there was one thing that Eli hated more than anything these days, it was arguing. Fighting and yelling had ended the life of a girl who would have done so much good if she had been permitted to…grow up nice and slow, to graduate, to choose a husband, to name her children…

But Eli also couldn't stand in Clare's house and just…take this. So his gaze fiercely locked with Helen's as he calmly, but assertively said, "You're wrong. And I will _not_ stand in this house again and allow myself to be humiliated like this," as Clare could only watch, frozen in fear, shock, and embarrassment.

Eli continued, "I am _not _the one who did that to Clare. We broke up, and I never came on to her after that. We talked things through once, and it only became clear to me that…she indeed doesn't want me, or to be around me, just like you said, Miss. And I respected that. Tonight I gave her a ride. I most certainly did _not_ force her to sleep with me, and I know that after the last time that I was in this house at dinner, your opinion of me never really changed. I know you think of me as…all wrong for Clare, and I understand. Clare thinks of me like that too. But I will _not_ sit here and let you accuse me of something I _never _would have done. All I _ever_ wanted to do was to treat Clare and make her happy. I knew I couldn't be the one to take her faith away, and I'll be damned if I stand here and listen to you demonize me. I would _never _put her in a situation where she'd have to take a pregnancy test- all scared and all alone. So if you're done accusing me, I will be on my way now," Eli finished, as a frozen Helen and Clare looked directly at him.

However, before he got up, Eli knew there was something else that he had to explain, so he continued, "Tonight, your daughter was upset – so I gave her a ride home because no girl should wander the downtown Toronto streets alone, in a dress, at night – you've watched the news, I'm sure you know what happens. And then, to try to get her mind off things, we watched a dance show at the Canon theatre. It's the most time together that we've spent since breaking up and I assure you that I didn't try anything inappropriate. I know this might sound ludacris to you, but I respect Clare – I always have. And I am truly sorry that she ended up in a situation where she had to take a pregnancy test, young and scared and alone – but I was not the one to do this to her," Eli repeated, and with each passing word, Helen had been struck by the honesty and determination in Eli's voice.

Clare added in a whisper, "He's right, mom. It wasn't Eli. Let him go home now," feeling incredibly guilty and embarrassed. Eli…had seen her pregnancy test – Clare could barely wrap her mind around that, and she absolutely hated it. Not only did Eli have to know that she had had sex with Jake, but…now he had to see her pregnancy test?

Helen just looked at Eli and Clare, took in the distance that Eli had placed in between them on the couch, and she took a deep breath in order to calm down a bit. She then softly said, "I'm sorry, Eli. I thought it was very out of character for you, but – but…" she trailed off, and Eli interrupted,

"I know. I know. I'm unpredictable. I'm erratic, I'm all over the place. But let me assure you that hurting Clare – especially like that –I'd never do that," Eli answered, making Helen feel rather guilty now, as her mind was instantly transported back to the one memory of Eli that was most persistent in her mind.

"Eli –" Helen started, but being in Clare's house again, staring at a pregnancy test that she had taken in order to determine whether or not she might have Jake's baby…it was all too much for him. So he immediately said,

"I…My parents are expecting me to be home. Miss Edwards, I sincerely hope you'll talk to Clare – not yell at her; I hope you'll give her a hug and a kiss and hold her because that's what she needs right now," his words bringing tears to both Helen and Clare's eyes.

Eli continued, "She needs to be gently calmed down and talked to about things – and there's no one best to do that for her than her mom. She might be okay physically but that does _not _mean she's okay emotionally. I…I need to be home or my parents will worry," Eli said, getting up at once, much too quickly for his injured leg. As Eli tried to will it to move at the necessary angle, it ended up twitching so powerfully that another step led it to slam into the coffee table, and his face contorted in pain before he could control it.

"Eli – are you all right?" Helen asked at once, now incredibly embarrassed to have said such mean-spirited and judgemental things to Eli.

"I'm fine," Eli responded at once, but he couldn't help grasping his thigh muscle, hoping…what the doctors had warned him about when they recast his leg wasn't happening. Eli was already carrying around too much death. If…permanent muscle death would be added to his load, Eli knew everything would be so much harder – he would have to use a cane forever, he could never run, and…he could never move on. His mistakes would be permanently engrained on his body – and then he could never escape. But Eli chose to focus on the fact that the doctors had told him that it would take a significant shock while his leg was still in a cast – like another fracture – to make that occur. And although hitting his leg against the table had been really painful indeed, Eli knew it would only be a sharp temporary pain, so he just inhaled deeply as he heard authority enter Helen's voice as she instructed,

"Clare – your bathroom has the Advil. Take Eli up there and help him take one with a glass of water," and Clare got up at once. However, Eli immediately raised his hand and said,

"No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm not….there's no need for me to go into your washroom, Clare. I'm not going to barge into your room – it's your room," genuinely feeling uncomfortable with such a thing. Had they been dating Eli wouldn't have felt strange about it; but they had been together for a long time before Clare had brought him up there, and Eli had understood that was because it was likely that he had been the first boy in there and he knew that it was a show of faith on Clare's part. And he had never been inside her washroom – and Eli didn't want to be in there now…and not like this. It would be too painful to be in a place in which every single object meant something to Clare. He knew that he wouldn't be able to glance at the top of her bookcase and…not see the pictures of the two of them in their happier days that Clare had kept there once upon a time. To see…pictures of Clare and Jake.

Hearing Eli so respectful of Clare's space made Helen actually grimace when she realized how much her accusations must have hurt Eli, and Clare held back her tears at hearing Eli's honest opinion. Eli didn't want to go up to her room and what they had had was a friendship and true relationship…and Clare couldn't help but remember how Jake had barged in to her room the second day that he had been in her house, sat on her bed…and how they had laid down on it and shared many meaningless kisses. And Eli…Eli didn't even want to take a chance to make her uncomfortable to even get an Advil which he clearly needed.

"I have Tylenol at home, don't worry, it's not too far. But I really need to be on my way. Have a good night," Helen heard Eli say and she caught the final warm look that he cast Clare before he left the house, leaving Helen slightly dumbfounded.

When Eli closed the door behind him, he tried to stop the shaking of his hands but…he couldn't. His mind was completely reeling from all of the events of the night, and he knew that their accumulated mass was more than he could handle; he couldn't just jump into his dad's car and pretend nothing had happened.

So when Cece heard her phone ring and picked it up on the first ring, and she heard Eli's voice sound as if he was all of nine years old again and being mercilessly tortured by Mike, she immediately felt her heart ache as Eli almost whispered,

"Mom? I'm sorry. I know dad is out at the radio station event and that I have the car…but…do you think you could come get me? I'm not far," she immediately responded,

"Baby boy – of course. I want to come. I'm coming, stay right there, don't move," slipping her shoes on at once and grabbing her purse as she ran towards the door. "Where are you?" Cece asked once outside, not knowing which way to start walking.

"Clare's house," Cece heard her son exhale, and she was rather surprised to hear that location as Eli continued, "It's 3401 Dundas Street, at the corner of Dundas and - "

"I know where it is, baby boy. Just hang on. Just sit down on the steps or on the sidewalk or something. I'm coming. I'm coming," and despite the fact that Eli sounded calm and assured his mom that he was fine – he just didn't want to drive – Cece began running.

Inside the Edwards house, Helen had headed into the washroom to run cold water over her face, and when she came back into the living room and saw an extremely pale faced Clare still sitting on the couch, Eli's voice rang through her mind.

_I hope you'll give her a hug and a kiss and hold her because that's what she needs right now. She needs to be gently calmed down and talked to about things – and there's no one best to do that for her than her mom._

And…Helen realized that Eli was right; she thought that…maybe Clare had never calmed down after what had happened to her, so she immediately held her arms open as Clare's face fell, and she exploded into tears as she burrowed her face in her mom's hug. Helen settled them both onto the couch and gently rocked Clare back and forth as if she was all of five years old again – much like Cece would do to her son just outside the home fifteen minutes later.

"Shh, sweetheart. Shh. It's okay. We'll find a way out of this. It's not the end of the world," Helen gently told Clare, and she saw her daughter pull out of the hug slowly, her striking blue eyes filled with tears.

"Mom?" Clare whispered and after Helen nodded, she added in a small voice, "It was just the one time, I swear. I'm not – I'm not a –" but Helen interrupted her.

"I know, sweetheart, I know, and I'm glad to see that you're okay. I'd like to take you to see Dr. Levy anyway, maybe…discuss things. Clare, I'm not going to lie to you. I think you are much too young to be having sex," Helen said, and she heard Clare painfully sob in response.

"Mom, I'm not doing that again anytime soon, I can assure you," Clare assertively said.

"All right, all right," Helen said as she ran her fingers gently through her daughter's curls as Clare lied across the couch, her entire body shaking as she placed her head in Helen's lap.

"Sweetheart…if not Eli, then…who?" Helen gently asked Clare, wondering how she couldn't have realized that Clare had gotten another boyfriend. The entire pregnancy test situation had made Helen feel tremendously guilty – she knew her thoughts had been incredibly preoccupied with Glen Martin, but…she really thought that she could figure out if Clare had a new boyfriend at once.

Helen saw a powerful tremor take over Clare's entire body as she deadpanned, "Jake," and Helen gasped in surprise.

"Jake _Martin_?" she asked incredulously as she saw Clare nod painfully.

"Why didn't you tell me he was your boyfriend?" Helen asked, not being able to hide the surprise from her voice. In that moment, she immediately understood why Eli had looked so hurt and disturbed when she had complimented the play's sets – Eli was jealous of Jake because he was Clare's boyfriend.

"Because he wasn't," Clare responded bitterly.

"Excuse me?" Helen retorted at once. _That _she hadn't expected…Clare had slept with a boy who wasn't even her boyfriend?

Clare, however, was angry at this point, so she got up at once and she felt a sharp pain in her chest as she screamed,

"Yes. Jake Martin. But does it matter, mom? Does it _even _matter? I watched you stumble drunk into our house at 4am after rushing off to have sex with his dad; I saw his dad come down our stairs fixing his shirt after the first Movie Night – none of it matters," Clare stubbornly said, knowing she was lying to herself. Helen, however, was instantly plagued by guilt…as she realized just what exactly she had done to her daughter.

"Clare…" Helen started, but Clare cut her off at once.

"You had sex with Glen within a few weeks of seeing him again – but at least he was dating you. To Jake, I was only ever another woman. We were friends with benefits mom – at first, and then I thought we became the real deal; boyfriend and girlfriend – but I was wrong. I was nothing but another amusement to him, which he made clear tonight when he was happily kissing another girl at movie night, while I thought he was at his cabin," Clare screamed, tears falling down her face the entire time.

"Sweetheart – " Helen started, pausing to process her shock at the way…in which Jake had fooled Clare…just like Glen had fooled her. "Like father, like son," she stated, and she saw a look of confusion cross Clare's face at once.

"What do you mean?" Clare pressed.

"Well, it seems to me that Glen had shared his life philosophy with his son – and that we were both used. Just like Glen told us that night, he sure taught Jake well – but definitely not how to be chivalrous," Helen plainly said. "Tonight…when I went over to their house, just to pick up a sweater that I had left there, I found him in bed with Mrs. DeLauer from church. I thought Glen would be at his cabin too, just like you thought Jake would be there," Helen told Clare, and she saw Clare slightly gasp in shock, but then nod at once.

"Of course," Clare softly whispered. "Mom…Jake told me that no one would get hurt and that…we could be happy. That I would feel good. But…I don't feel good mom. Not at all. And I'm the furthest thing away from happy. He was _kissing _another girl at movie night – he made a fool out of me in front of the entire school, mom," Clare whined, retreating back into her mom's embrace as Helen gently patted her curls down.

"Oh, sweetheart, he made a fool out of _himself_. Did you break up with him?" Helen asked.

"I did. It was making me miserable, mom. It was making me…feel cheap. Unloved and used," Clare finally admitted, conceding to her innermost self.

"I know how you feel, sweetheart. I…when I started dating after the divorce, I was looking for a friend, someone who I could spend my time with; I don't want to grow old all by myself. And I had known Glen a long time, you know that; but when we met I was confused, and I wanted to escape all the pain of my divorce. What he suggested sounded good; but it quickly turned sour. He…is not the type of man I really want to be with, and it sounds like Jake isn't the type of boy you want to be with either," Helen gently said as Clare nodded at once.

"Did you break up with Glen, mom?" Clare asked, and she couldn't help but feel happy when Helen nodded at once.

"Clare…how did this happen? When did you…do this with Jake?" Helen asked, and Clare told her about her lies about spending the night at Alli's, and her heart warmed when her mom gently reassured her that all girls made mistakes, and she told her something very similar to what Eli had said – that as long as she was fine physically, they could work together and overcome the emotional aspect as well. Clare slipped the purity ring off of her finger at once, greatly relieved that she didn't have to live a lie anymore – the ring had felt like a lead weight on her hand as she had kept it on in order to deceive her mom.

"Mom? Are you mad at me…for what I chose to do with Jake? I mean the whole casual thing?" Clare gently whispered.

"Oh, sweetheart – no. I…should have been there for you in this difficult time, instead I chose to focus on myself and make my own mistakes. I understand, Clare, I really do. And I'm sorry this had to happen, but we need to move forward now, sweetheart. We can make it through this – Edwards girls don't give up," Helen told her daughter with a small smile that she was glad to see Clare return at once.

"Mom…I hate what I did. It wasn't supposed to be like this," Clare whined, and it took twenty more minutes of gentle reassurance from Helen for Clare to calm down all over again. And then, without her mom's request, Clare told her about…everything she had been through with Eli, starting from the letter he had helped her write all those months ago, to…tonight, and how he had made her forget, allowing her a few precious hours of freedom of mind and happiness.

Helen was patiently brushing Clare's hair, having moved her daughter to her bed at this point, and she softly said, "That's very nice of him, Clare. He must despise Jake. Do they ever talk?" Helen asked, and then Clare proceeded to tell her mother about the conflicts between Eli and Jake, the information all proving very logical to Helen.

Helen did however exclaim, "Wow – you're telling me Eli came out of a cast and went right back in it? That can't be good for that leg," she absent mindedly said, making Clare worry at once. "If Eli looks like that, I can only imagine how Jake does," Helen giggled, much to the surprise of her daughter.

Clare replied, "He looks bad, definitely does – but he was such a coward mom, that he did that to Eli on purpose. Everyone at school could tell his leg still hurt a little, even after the cast came off the first time. And Eli didn't even want me to know what they fought about," Clare informed her mom.

"As if it weren't obvious," Helen said with a shake of her head. "Clare…how is Eli doing these days?" she gently asked.

"I…don't really know, mom. He…doesn't talk to me much," Clare painfully admitted. "But I can tell he is already a lot better – he reached a balance between therapy and medication, and he is writing the school play – which is so beautiful, mom, you'll see – and he got a job at Chapters for after the play is over and for the summer," Clare said, and Helen gave her a gentle smile as she drew Clare's curls to the back of her head.

"Do you know…what my favourite memory of Eli is, Clare?" Helen gently asked.

"It can't be that dinner that I brought him to just to humiliate him," Clare painfully whined.

"Don't you worry about that. It was…right before he wanted to take you to that lit convention," Helen said as she saw Clare flinch slightly, and she knew why, but she continued regardless, wanting to share this with Clare. "He came over with his dad, looking just a bit nervous but ever so confident and…honest that it struck me. You don't see many sixteen year old boys behaving that way. Anyway, he looked me straight in the eye and told me that you are the kindest, most patient person that he's met and that you are his best friend. It really struck me, Clare…his maturity. That boy, at all of sixteen, knows the secret to a great relationship; that's more than I can say for myself. He knows it needs to be based on a great friendship," Helen pointed out, fondly remembering Eli on her doorstep, unaware that he was also right there currently, with his head in his hands as he waited for his mom.

"Mom…I hurt him," Clare whispered. "Beyond repair. He was so hurt already – and I only poured salt on his wound," she added.

"Oh, Clare, you made a mistake about Jake. Girls do that sometimes. I think…Eli understands," Helen gently suggested.

"I rejected him a second time – clearly for Jake. How do you think that made him feel?" Clare confessed, and told her mom all of the details surrounding that particular event as well. And Clare could tell that her mom…was saddened.

"It's all right, sweetheart. It's okay," Helen comforted her daughter.

"He…it hurts him just to talk to me, I can tell. He's made sure I have everything I need from all of the actors and the people involved on the play, but…that's it, mom. He can't _be around me_. And I can't blame him," Clare cried.

"Then why did he drive you home and take you to a show?" Helen pushed.

"_So You Think You Can Dance_ tour," Clare specified with a small smile.

"Oh, wow – you love that show sweetheart," Helen said, realizing at once that Eli surely knew that as well.

"I had a good time, mom. For the first time in a long time," Clare admitted.

"Oh, sweetheart, it'll be okay. You and Eli will be friends again, although you can't convince me that he doesn't still care for you. It's plain as day," Helen pointed out.

"Another girl…likes him, mom. Imogen. The lead actress in the play. She's so pretty, and fun, and she's stood up for Eli _at least_ a hundred times. She loves his writing, and she…appreciates him. She helped him when he had writer's block for the play, she calmed him down when all of my insensitive critique articles came out, _she_…became his best friend, mom," Clare painfully admitted.

"Does he like her back?" Helen asked at once.

"I…I don't think so," Clare admitted.

"Well – you don't have to figure everything out tonight, Clare. Maybe Eli still needs more time to make more progress. But if he liked this girl, I'm sure they would be dating by now. But…he's hurting, Clare. Maybe the best thing to do would be to give him some space. Let him come to you when he's ready," Helen advised, and Clare just shrugged her shoulders as she said,

"I don't think he ever will, mom. And I can't blame him," as Helen flashed her a small smile and began braiding Clare's short hair like she always had when she was a little girl.

"Oh, sweetheart – let's get some rest now, okay? It's been a long night. We don't have to figure everything out tonight. We still have a lot of things to talk about – just you and I. But I want you to get some rest, for now, okay?" Helen gently said as Clare nodded in response and told her mom that she had a letter she wanted to give her.

Helen smiled and then gently continued, "I'm going to take the trash out – take that test out of our lives for once and for all," and Clare gave her mom a small grateful smile in response.

"Okay, mommy. Thank you," she tearfully sighed and Helen gave her daughter a good night kiss.

As she was muttering a string of profanities directed at Jake and at his father, immediately asking for forgiveness after, Helen made her way down the stairs, grabbed the kitchen garbage and stuffed that awful piece of plastic in it, still feeling incredibly guilty that she had let her daughter lose her way like this. That Jake really was a chip off the old block, Helen noted angrily, and as she passed by the coffee table on her way to the door, she really hoped Eli's leg would be fine…she had caught that thigh muscle twitch and she knew that Eli had other problems rather than just a broken leg, but she hadn't told Clare that, not wanting to alarm her. Helen then briefly wondered how God could allow so much pain to collapse onto a boy who hadn't really done that much wrong, and if Eli would ever truly find peace. Because she knew that he hadn't yet; he was obviously still very much…upset. But then Helen imagined what it must have felt like for Eli to see Clare with Jake…and she thought that maybe now things would get easier for him. She hoped so; she didn't think Eli deserved all of the pain that he put himself through.

As she stepped out of her house, however, she was taken aback to see…Eli just at the end of the footpath, practically limping as he stepped forward into the outstretched arms of his mother. Helen saw Eli hand her a pair of car keys as she gently ran her fingers through his hair, kissed his forehead and whispered something to him, and she was shocked at the pain in Cece's face as she tightly clung to her son. Cece then took his hand and walked him to the car, opening the passenger door and holding out her arm for him as he made his way into the car. Once Cece closed the door, she finally noticed Helen. Helen then dropped the garbage bag that she was carrying and quickly went over to Cece, a woman who she knew was usually very merry-hearted, so she was rather surprised when Cece just looked at her blankly and curly greeted her.

Helen then added, "I was hoping I could just thank Eli one more time for bringing my daughter back safely". Cece however, did all she could to not explode at Clare's mother. Cece hated that once again, Eli…was broken. She had watched her son desperately try to glue himself back together and repair the damage that Cece didn't blame Clare for the first time around, but ever since she had heard that Clare had rejected him a second time, she _did_ blame her for. To Cece, it seemed like Clare was a very confused girl who maybe almost liked to play with her son's fragile emotions and she didn't understand why Clare kept doing all of this when she had a new boyfriend now. Eli hadn't yet had a chance to explain the night to his mom, but Cece had become fiercely protective of her son, so she just politely, but assertively replied to Helen,

"I do not think that's a very good idea. Eli is very tired now, and I can tell that his leg is in very much pain – I'd like to take him home as soon as possible," and although she planned on stopping there, she then softly added, "You know, my son has a right to heal too," a remark that Helen could only nod in response to as she watched Cece quickly walk around the car, get in the driver's seat, and drive away. And Helen couldn't blame Cece for anything that she had said. Helen was a mother, too. She understood.


	4. Concrete Angel

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Clare was pulling out her math textbook out of her locker when she saw Eli slowly walk to her locker, this being the first time since their painful confrontation that Eli had approached her. Clare gave him a small smile and Eli softly said,

"Hey," and Clare greeted him back warmly, giving him a "Hi, Eli".

"I just…wanted to ask if everything is okay with your mom," Eli told Clare, his concern making her heart swell.

"It is. We…had a good talk. Thank you, Eli," Clare softly told him as she saw Eli give her a small smirk and nod his head.

"Okay. See you around," Eli politely told Clare, and sadness overtook her when she realized that…this is the most interaction that Eli could take right now.

XXXXXXXXXXX

At the end of the school day, Clare was the first person to arrive for the play's first dress rehearsal – she knew she would be early, but the feeling of the empty auditorium was making her…extremely uncomfortable. She hated…the sets in front of her. She knew who had made them, and she despised that they had infiltrated this last remaining bit of sanctuary for her. She bitterly thought that this was the auditorium of the play and the same space that was used for movie night – just over on the step that was five feet away from her, Jake had been kissing Marisol like there was no tomorrow…the same way that he always kissed her. And Clare hated that with every fibre of her being; she could recognize the paint that she had helped Jake put onto the wooden frames of the sets, and she remembered how she had insensitively kissed him sloppily as Eli was giving Fiona advice to pass on to the actors and praising Liam for the truly amazing music mixes and lighting effect that he diligently produced.

Clare didn't want Jake's sets here – this was a place of writing, and of literature, and of acting, and of creativity – the place in which her and Eli's story was shaped. Jake's sets didn't belong here, she thought angrily as tears invaded her eyes – they tainted the entire production. They were like a cancer that would ruin it, Clare thought in a moment of desperation. They would spread selfishness, and arrogant desire, and…they would _ruin_ Eli's play, her frantic, confused mind convinced her. They would ruin…everything, and they would make it impossible for Eli's story to be told…they would make it impossible to ever go back to the start. They would…take away things that could never be regained. They would…change everything – just like that, in one moment.

So as she approached the roulette table that she knew Jake had spent the most time on…she flung it to the ground, its fragile components scattering at once. It was easy to destroy, as was the blackjack table, and the cardboard pool table in another corner. It was all…so _easy to undo_, and Clare _loved _that. She loved how their destruction almost meant that they never existed. They could almost be…erased. She loved that with a feeling so hot and passionate that she knew she couldn't stop. She didn't think of anything else as she shattered the pieces to bits, knowing they didn't belong in Eli's production. And when she heard a door open and, she didn't even care to worry about how she would provide an explanation for her behaviour. However, the person that had walked into the auditorium wasn't all that impressed.

"Miss Edwards. Would you care to explain just what happened here?" Mrs. Dawes asked at once, shocked to see…her production's sets completely ruined with mere weeks before opening night.

Clare's blue teary eyes looked directly into those of her favourite teacher and whispered, "Jake's sets should not have the honour of being in Eli's play. They don't belong there," and Miss Dawes…sighed and embraced Clare at once, holding her sobbing form for ten minutes before they both jolted as Fiona's voice shouted,

"Oh my God. Eli…what the hell? There was no need to destroy everything at the last minute, you should have just told me you weren't okay with Jake making the sets, but…not go all Terminator on them," she immediately reproached, but as Eli and Fiona's eyes met those of Clare and Mrs. Dawes, they understood who the true culprit was at once.

And as Clare watched Eli place his shoulder on Fiona's shoulder and tell her with a smirk, "Um, sorry Fiona – you know I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes; unbalanced writer type thing. But…you never liked those sets anyway, director – might be time to call in a favour with that famous brother of yours and his connections," she didn't even feel guilty for destroying the sets.

She knew they had no place in Eli's play. They had no place in their story.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well, I believe that's it – one casino set straight from Vegas baby," Declan Coyne proudly announced as he smiled at his sister, Holly J, Eli, Imogen, Liam, Mrs. Dawes and Clare. Declan had been rather happy to step in and help once a panicked Fiona had called him – his just-not-too-over-the-top ego had received just the right amount of boost when he had been appealed to much like an expert, and he didn't want to disappoint. And he surely didn't.

Three days after Fiona's phone call, Declan had flown in to supervise the delivery and to pay a visit to his old school…and there may have been another motivation for Declan's rapid actions, but that was one that he hadn't allowed to fully seep into his consciousness.

"Wow – well, _this_ is really something, Mr. Coyne," Mrs. Dawes exclaimed, amazed at the set. It wasn't just…plywood and cardboard recreations…each piece was the real deal. Declan had ensured their delivery from the same supplier who ensured Vegas casinos' equipment, because…he had a vision of himself walking into the school and being able to say something to its student council. Principal Simpson had told Declan that he would write him a tax receipt at once, and Declan and Fiona's mom had then interpreted it as a charitable donation, causing her to approve Declan's plan at once. Mrs. Coyne knew how hard Fiona had worked on the play – it had given her daughter a boost of confidence and a sense of purpose when she had needed it the most – and she wanted it to be a success.

"Anything to see the Grundy return to Degrassi; I grabbed Fiona's script last night and read it. The play…it's really good. I couldn't believe that it was a creative work, I thought for sure it was just something that was already published," Declan said with a confident smile, and then he turned in Eli's direction and asked,

"My sister says you wrote it?" and Eli gave Declan a nod and a smirk in confirmation.

Declan continued, "Well, I must say I'm impressed – it's beyond high school level. I wish you were here last year so you could have written me one too," and Eli just chuckled in response as Fiona giggled as well.

Declan then added, "Plus, this way the school can keep the equipment and if you guys ever want to do a casino night, or a dance, or even as a theme for prom or something," looking directly at Holly J as he said that. The red haired girl smiled brightly in response and the slightest of blushes developed on her cheeks as she answered,

"That's a great idea, Declan. Maybe you'll just have to come back and be our honourable guest to that event," a comment that thrilled Declan.

"Well, then, come on, come on, hustle everyone – Imogen centre stage, let's do your monologue," Fiona instructed, switching into director's mode at once.

Liam took a quick step forward as he shyly said, "I'll get your light up, Imo," and the scene was quickly underway.

And as Declan took a seat next to Clare, the boy didn't press her for any information, because his sister had informed him briefly of the hard times that Clare had had lately. In an attempt to break the silence, Declan just asked her,

"Didn't do props this year, prop master Clare?"

She slowly shook her head in response and said, "I was busy with newspaper".

Declan replied, "Oh, right. Well, at least by covering the play you still got to be involved with it," in a genuine attempt to make her smile.

However, there was no trace of a smile as Clare said, "I…sure. Of course".

Declan then replied, "It's a good play - really different than 'Space Awakening'. A lot more realistic, definitely not fantasy – people will relate to it better, I think. This Eli kid is a good writer. It's hard to find people who can produce good stories these days. I read an article in the _New York Times_ yesterday about how that's what Hollywood is saying, that this generation has a real crisis when it comes to producing good stories".

Clare looked down at her bare hands – she still was not used to that strange feeling – and softly said, "Yeah. Eli is. He's a good writer. He's really good."

XXXXXXXXXX

A week and a half later, Eli was listening to Fiona give everyone a final pep talk, and he could feel the nervousness creep into his body – but this was a different nervousness than the one that he had learned to control with Dr. Sadler's help. This was…an excited, healthy nervousness. The project that he had entirely devoted himself to for the entire semester was…about to become reality. It was about to exist outside of Eli's own head…about to be shared with an audience that included Principal Simpson, the majority of the school's students, and a group of parents that included Eli's own. And as he looked at Fiona, Eli knew that she felt the same way. As he watched Liam hand a pair of headphones to Imogen – Eli knew he was explaining a last minute musical clue to her – he knew that…everyone who had been involved with the play felt the nervous excitement as well. And he knew that they were ready. Eli knew that it was show time.

"So…just go out and…have fun, everyone. Remember all the hard work and practice you put in ever since Eli wrote us that very first script. Break a leg, everyone," Fiona finished, and everyone cheered loudly and gave her a round of applause.

Eli made sure that his red blazer looked all right and he quickly felt Imogen pull him to the very edge of the curtain, giggling as they took a peek at…a full house. But Imogen noticed that…her dad wasn't there.

He had _promised._ This wasn't some random Toronto Arts Club company performance that he had promised to take her to and then bailed on. This was…her first role as a leading lady – what she had worked all semester on _and_ he had _promised_ to come. Imogen knew that she had beautifully arranged make-up and she didn't want to ruin it. She told herself that she was strong and that she could push her tears back. So she did. She wanted to do a good job tonight – her dad would come at intermission, she thought to herself. Or maybe even before – he must just be stuck in traffic. That must be it. In the meantime, Imogen wanted to do a good job for Eli.

And as the curtain opened and Liam pressed the 'play' button that started the opening theme song, everyone could immediately tell that Imogen was very talented. Everyone could tell that she belonged onstage. And no one knew it better than…Clare Edwards. Clare was struck at the way in which Imogen had perfectly captured her tone, her mannerisms, the way she would touch Eli, the way she'd…kiss him. And all throughout the first act, Clare's eyes were opened to the way in which Eli saw her; a Clara which couldn't be more different than the first version which Eli had presented to her. But…Eli's writing also had a beautiful transparent quality that revealed how much Eli…had fought to make her happy and to always please her. How he never meant to hurt her. How he had never meant to manipulate her. It was never explicit, but Clare read between the lines and she was struck by the hurt, frustration, and dedication on Eli's face more than anyone else in the audience. Clare knew that what Eli was doing was more than acting…he was completely exposing himself and letting his words and feeling deliver one of the best performances that anyone in the audience had ever seen.

And it was clear to Clare that the play was the best that had ever been put on at Degrassi, and not only because her mom clearly expressed this feeling, saying she had never seen a more captivating one in all the years that she had been coming to the school production.

As the curtains closed for intermission, rigorous applause echoed through the room. Backstage, Fiona immediately squealed and wrapped Eli up in hug as she said, "Ahh, they love it Eli. They love our baby," and Eli shot her a smirk in response, being just as excited as Fiona on the inside but more composed on the outside.

He then felt Imogen pull his arm so they could scan the audience again, but Eli didn't see Imogen's face when she realized that her dad…wasn't there. He didn't see the pain behind her small smile – Imogen was very angry with herself for ever believing that he would care enough to come. Once again she had fooled herself, she thought as she clutched the straps of her purse tightly. And just when she thought that she couldn't feel any worse…she saw it.

She saw Eli looking out into the audience…at _her. _And Clare was looking back at him. Smiling. And Eli cast Clare a smirk of the kind that he had never cast her. And in that moment, Imogen realized that Eli would _never_ look at her in that same way. Clare might hurt Eli time and time again – and he'd crawl right back to her whenever she called him. As she realized this, Imogen was all of a sudden overcome by a sadness so potent that she felt like she couldn't even breathe.

She had never felt more alone in her life.

She felt like just even pulling out the white headband that she needed to wear in the next act would be a superhuman effort, but she willed herself to do it. However, her distress led her to pull it out shakily, also causing the red piece of paper that she had written on weeks earlier to fall out. And the worst possible thing that could have happened to Imogen in this moment then did. Eli bent down and picked up the piece of paper…and he read it, recognizing her slanted handwriting at once.

"Eli – no – don't, give it back," she pleaded, but the words had caught Eli's attention as he realized that not only did he not know that Imogen was a good writer, but…who she had written about.

And as his eyes quickly scanned the text, Eli realized that…he had never caught on to _just how much _pain Imogen was hiding behind her mask. Her words…left an impression on him…

_She can't see the way your eyes _

_ Light up when you smile_

_ She'll never notice how you stop and stare_

_ Whenever she walks by_

_ And you can't see me wanting you_

_ The way you want her_

_ But you are everything to me_

_ And I just want to show you_

_ She's doesn't even know you_

_ She's never going to love you _

_ Like I want to _

_ And you just see right through me_

_ But if you only knew me _

_ We could be a beautiful miracle _

_ Unbelievable – instead of just invisible_

_ There's a fire inside of you _

_ That can't help but shine through_

_ But she's never going to see the light_

_ No matter what you do _

_ And all I think about is _

_ How to make you think of me _

_ I just want to open your eyes _

_ And make you realize_

_ So just let me love you _

_ Let me want you. _

"Imogen…" Eli softly said, knowing she was just about mortified right now. Imogen didn't want to push herself onto Eli after their fight over her manipulative ways – she was just grateful that he didn't completely throw her out of his life. She wanted…_Eli _to come to _her_, and she thought that if she was a good friend to him and waited patiently, he would. But she never wanted him to read her innermost thoughts.

Eli gently continued, "Why didn't you tell me you were a writer? This is…amazing writing. You're talented – _really _talented," he praised her, speaking honestly and wanting to make her feel a bit better.

Imogen wouldn't meet his gaze as she whispered, "I haven't written anything in two years," she confessed. The girl's mother had been the one to encourage that passion of hers, while her dad had always referred to it as a waste of time. So Imogen had stopped two years ago, finding that the joy of writing wasn't quite the same if you had no one to share it with. And when she had befriended Eli, she had never had the courage to share her writing with him, afraid that after two years without any practice, she would be rusty – and Eli's writing was _so _good. But now, Imogen reflected – now she had really embarrassed herself and she was frozen in fear. And then…Eli said the words that I never wanted to hear from him.

"Imogen, you're such a smart and fun girl and one day, you'll find a guy who is so wonderful and so good to you that you won't even remember that jerk you acted with in a play –" but he trailed off as Imogen curtly said,

"E-Eli, I…I have to get changed for the third act," taking the piece of paper from his hand and running off at once, tightly clutching her bag and leaving a worried Eli behind.

Unlike Imogen, Eli didn't have a full costume change to undergo – all he had to do to prep for the next act was just change his jacket, so he quickly went to do so. All of the other actors and cast and crew were scrambling all around backstage in order to complete their own individual tasks, Fiona's careful planning having trained them to a perfectly timed precision.

The intermission had an assigned time length of twenty minutes, so the large majority of the play's audience decided to head out into the foyer and buy items from the concession stand that student council was operating. Eli's parents chose to stay inside the auditorium, while Clare's mom followed her daughter outside and she soon began a conversation with Alli's parents while their daughters stood together behind the concession stand booth as Clare decided to help Alli make the sales.

At the end of the twenty minute period, a slightly nervous but completely in control Fiona Coyne was speaking into her headset, hoping that Liam's position from the sound booth would have given him a height advantage. Eli was following closely behind Fiona, his worry only intensifying as he heard Fiona urgently ask,

"Liam…have you seen Imogen anywhere? It's curtain time, and she's nowhere to be found…is she up there with you by any chance?"

Liam answered Fiona right away, informing her that, "Nope, Fiona. She's not here. Haven't seen her. Do you want me to come down and help you look?"

"Don't you dare move, Liam. Stay up there," Fiona instructed, thinking that the last thing that she needed right now was for another person to not be where she needed them to be.

Fiona and Eli quickly appealed to Mrs. Dawes, and after she and Fiona scanned Imogen's dressing room again and didn't find her, Mrs. Dawes told Eli and Fiona to keep calm and re-assured them that people would just enjoy a longer intermission while they located Imogen. The two teens then followed their drama teacher out to the foyer and stood just behind her as Mrs. Dawes casually asked, "Sorry to interrupt your intermission everyone; we will be right back on stage in just a few minutes. We are just wondering if anyone has seen Imogen Moreno, our Clara?"

Clare took in Eli's worried look and she didn't like it one bit, but her jealousy didn't make the girl worry as much as she perhaps should have – especially when everyone shook their heads in response to Mrs. Dawes' question, making the drama teacher politely thank them. Clare then watched as Mrs. Dawes told Fiona and Eli to relax, and that surely Imogen will be back in time for the third act. Clare also watched as Eli was texting from his phone, but what she didn't know was that Eli was getting increasingly worried as Imogen didn't respond to him – she had a_lways _answered his calls and texts quickly, and he didn't know what this meant.

But as he watched everyone's reaction as Mrs. Dawes headed off into the auditorium to look for Imogen in that space again, Eli felt a sickening feeling take over his entire body. He felt…disgusted.

He could see Jake Martin standing with Dave and KC, and he heard Dave snicker, 'She's a weird one, she could be anywhere…how much longer do we have of this thing, anyway?' and he watched as Dave placed his arm around Alli, who was standing next to Clare. Eli saw that Clare was taking notes – his stomach felt queasy as he realized he still had to make it through Clare's play review. But as he saw Alli roll her eyes in Clare's direction and cross her arms over her chest and heard her say, 'It's not good enough for Imogen to be the lead actress, now she has to pull a stunt that has everyone looking for her? Puh-lease," Eli knew that…something was not right. Alli wasn't right. He could just…feel it. Eli knew that it was easy to make fun of others and to dismiss their behaviour from afar, and as he stood in the dimly lit foyer and heard Alli say that, he instantly thought back to a night that he had fought so hard to forget. He could only imagine what Alli would have told Clare the night of the dance, and he remembered the lines that Imogen had written…and Eli knew that he was very familiar with the feelings that Imogen had felt.

So as Alli repeated, 'She's just being a drama queen,' in his and Fiona's direction, Eli didn't even spare her a second glance as he pushed through the crowd and muttered, "You're wrong".

And had he not, the events of the night would have unfolded quite differently.

Eli realized that Imogen might have headed well past the auditorium area of the school; while he desperately wished that she just needed something from her locker for her costume change or something of the sort, it was like…he just knew. He wasn't sure what it was that made him so convinced, but…he just knew that Imogen wasn't just doing this for attention. So as he ran up the stairs through the dark hallway, he realized that she wasn't at her locker, and he knew that even if he would have to search the entire school all on his own, he would find her.

Because something told him that his worst fear shouldn't be dismissed. Something told him that this wasn't just his crazy, paranoid fear overwhelming his rational powers of thought. Something told him that _he_ was right, and it was _everyone else_ who was wrong. Eli's therapist had warned him about that feeling – it had led him to poor decision making in the past; led him to think that Clare wanted to be with him, to go on a road trip with him, led him to think that he could break up her and Jake's relationship, led him to think that…she wanted to get back together with him. And Eli knew that it was the same feeling all over again and that maybe he should stop. But he just couldn't. Because on the off chance that he was right…he could stop it. He could stop it this time. And if he didn't – if he let it happen to another girl who may not have even been his girlfriend but was indeed his friend – well, he couldn't possibly imagine surviving such a thing. He _had to _stop it. He _had to_ find her. He knew Imogen's dad hadn't come to the play. He knew that's who she was searching for when she had pulled him to look out into the audience. He knew that she really was a strong, confident girl. But he also knew of the pain behind the mask, and he knew that after he had read that poem and…practically rejected her, Imogen must have felt completely deserted and alone. And she _was_, Eli reflected. Without him, she _was_ alone. There was no one else here for her tonight. And Eli knew what it felt like to be completely alone. It was the worst feeling in the world. It led to a desperation so deep that…Eli knew that he had to find her. He didn't care that the play should be starting by now, that Alli was downstairs snickering. He _had to_ find her. He _had to_ stop it.

And as he returned to the foyer, running on a leg that such a thing should have never been attempted on, he saw…a white lace headband on the floor, just outside the entrance to the pool in the distance, so he headed there at once, entering through the girls' door, knowing that no one should be in there at this late hour.

And as he hobbled over the cold, shiny tiles, Eli knew he had to work up the courage to look at the floor, and he immediately did. He knew that this wasn't about his own fears. This wasn't about him. So he willed his eyes to do so…and he saw his worst fear come to life. And he knew that it wasn't just in his mind. The blood was real. The deep, straight marks on her wrists were real. Her slow slide into the water despite Eli's cries of her name was real. The water that enveloped him in the next second as he pulled her out despite his fears that his leg wouldn't allow him the necessary mobility and strength to do so was real. Its freezing temperature that caused his entire body to shake and his hair to fall over his face was a testament to the fact that this was all…too real. But what scared Eli most was that if there was one thing that w_asn't happening _it was…the fact that her chest wasn't rising and falling. He knew the cuts on her wrists were bad enough already, but...she had obviously meant to get a job done, and Eli was afraid that she had done it.

_She can't, she can't. I can stop it. I have to stop it. I have to battle it and I have to win. I have to take control. _

Eli knew that Coach Armstrong was just sitting there in the auditorium – just a few feet away, but it was the Coach's own voice that ran through his mind, telling him that…

_Time is of the essence in CPR. Wait one second longer than you have to and you not only risk permanent brain damage, but death. If you are ever in a situation and you forget the things you learned here – which you will, unless you recertify regularly – forget about the exact number of breaths and compressions; do a few of each and at least you'll be getting some air into her lungs and pumping her heart. _

And Eli knew he didn't have time to run back and get Coach Armstrong, or to carry her outside. He had to start his battle now, so he did, tilting her head back and placing his lips over hers and breathing in two powerful breaths. As he locked his hands on top of her chest, he knew he couldn't let panic or fear overtake him, and even if it just about killed him, Eli counted the ten compressions out loud, the sickening crack making it almost unbearable for him. _He was hurting her_. She was already _so_ hurt, and he was hurting her even more, he thought for a split second before pushing away the voice of his own insecurity and remembering Coach Armstrong's.

_Proper chest compressions are not like the ones that you see in the movies. If you are doing them right, you will hear the crack of ribs under your interlocked hands. They need to be that powerful in order for you to actually be stimulating her heart. If you are not doing that, you are not achieving anything. She can live with a few cracked ribs. She cannot live without oxygen. _

Eli knew the fact that he was hurting her was supposed to be a good thing. But he didn't know for much longer he could keep doing it, so when her body violently thrashed under his hands and she coughed up water and vomit, he finally allowed tears to fall from his eyes. He watched her chest rise and fall ever so softly, and he knew that it was a much too fast, much too irregular and shallow rhythm to signify anything but her still being so close to…something that he couldn't let happen. He knew that she was drifting in and out of consciousness, so he quickly took off the tie that he was wearing and wrapped it tightly around her wounded wrists. It became soaked with blood at first contact, and Eli hoped that it was actually doing her some service. He then locked one arm behind her knees and slipped his other one behind her back, lifting her up into his arms as he stood up off of the cold tile floor and let out a painful groan of his own once he felt the weight of his injured leg.

_Just a few more minutes, please. Don't give up on me now. I just need you for a few more minutes. I don't care if all the muscle in you dies and I never walk properly again, but I need you for these few minutes. _

As Eli's back made impact with the doors to the girls' changing room and it opened with a loud noise, everyone out in the foyer stared in utter shock, fear, and disbelief. The image of Eli's soaked and shaking body, his wet hair flung to one side and his eyes red and teary as he was holding Imogen's thin, fragile body in his arms, progressing through the hallway at a speed that no one would have believed possible considering the state of his own injury was one that no one witness to the scene would be able to get out of their minds for a long time. Eli was tightly clutching to Imogen's body in a fiercely protective, yet ever so gentle manner – it was obvious that he was trying not to move her, but it was a very difficult task to achieve. Her lips were a deep purple and her eyes were closed and her long wet brown hair was draped all over Eli's arm as he had rested her head on his shoulder. Everyone could see her arm falling from the side of her body…its inside being maimed with many deep cuts that were burning with the red flow of blood, Eli's tie absorbency having long outrun its course. Everyone could hear him softly whispering, "Stay with me. Just stay with me. Like you always do. Like you always have. Don't you dare leave me. Just stay with me," his voice breaking and tears falling into Imogen's soaking black dress.

As a few people in the crowd managed to overcome their shock and started approaching Eli, he finally registered that he was approaching his intended destination, and he shouted at once,

"Fiona! Call nine-one-one, right now. Tell them to send an ambulance, that she wasn't breathing," and Clare watched frozen in fear as Fiona pulled out her cell-phone and did exactly as Eli asked as she ran to his side, her high heels producing a sharp click along the Degrassi floor. Clare couldn't believe that most of the teachers and parents had headed inside, and she watched in complete fear as Eli held onto Imogen a little bit tighter, speaking to her just a little bit louder and with increasing urgency in his voice. Surrounded by other students, Clare ran after Eli outside. She knew that other scared students were just trying to help as they clutched at Imogen, but she heard Eli assertively saying, "_Don't_ touch her. Don't move her. Leave her alone," as he moved out of their grip and they respected his wishes. Eli did however, keep repeating for Fiona to stay with him, which the girl did, not wanting to be anywhere else as she wondered how fast the three minutes that the nine-one-one dispatch operator had promised would go by.

Clare…couldn't believe that Imogen would do such a thing – to her, Imogen always seemed like the happiest, most upbeat, and confident girl around. And the similarity between Imogen's actions and Darcy's left Clare completely unable to help, despite the fact that she really wanted to. But all she could do was watch through cloudy eyes as Eli's thigh muscle twitched violently as he was standing on the street, holding onto Imogen's unconscious form and scanning for the approaching ambulance, and…Clare recognized the fear in his eyes. She saw his body's violent tremors, she saw the way he would only take his eyes off Imogen to look into Fiona's as sheer desperation was exchanged in a glance between two individuals who understood pain and trauma on a deep level.

And Clare was scared not only for Imogen, but for Eli. And not just because Clare could finally tell that there was something much more serious wrong with his leg than a simple bone fracture – but because Clare knew that Eli had been the one to find Imogen, to pull her out of the pool, and the one to fight for her life when Imogen could no longer do that for herself. And in this moment, she feared for Eli more than she ever had. Because Clare had seen Eli progressively getting better, and she had been so relieved when she thought that her worst fear wouldn't come true. After Eli had crashed his hearse and Clare had realized the true extent of the emotional damage that Eli suffered with, Clare was scared that the confident and collected Eli that she thought she had known would never return. She was scared Eli would only slide more into the darkness and become a faint recollection of the boy that she thought he was. And deep down inside she knew that that was part of the reason that she had chosen to cling to Jake's stability.

As she watched Eli refuse to take his medicine, as she was subjected to his desperate attempts to win her back while off his medicine, Clare…had reasoned that she had made the right choice in breaking up with him and though it broke her heart, she thought that she had to say good-bye to Eli forever. Because the person who had presented his original play concept to her no longer was the boy that she had known. And even though it almost killed her, Clare knew that she had to distance herself from Eli because _her _Eli was gone. And she thought he would never return. She thought her Eli would only exist as a distant memory. She thought his torture and demons had gotten the best of him for once and for all, and that he was headed on a path towards complete self-destruction that she just couldn't be a part of. But then…Clare didn't know when or how exactly; she couldn't pinpoint a specific moment regardless of how hard she tried, but…she began to see glimpses of her Eli return. She first saw it when she came to a play rehearsal after a long period of avoiding them and…the play was a completely different project. She saw it as she watched Eli talk to Mrs. Dawes about particular lines or scene set-ups. She saw it as she heard Eli give an interview about the play to Adam on his radio show. She saw it as she noticed Eli taking his medication at his locker every morning. She saw it as she watched Eli calm down Fiona when she had been distraught over a break-up. She saw it as…she watched Eli feed the little black birds, and she definitely saw it the night that he had taken her to the dance show and driven her home. And she had…immediately thanked God. She had thanked him with tears in her eyes that Eli had been strong enough to get better, all on his own. He had found his way back as he inserted routine and regularity in his life. He had stood up for himself, and fought with every ounce of his strength to make it out of his stormy cloud head-first.

But now…looking at his shaking body…Clare was afraid that Eli had fallen all over again, into an abyss that this time was so deep that she wondered if it would even be possible for Eli to see any spark of a light. Eli's life was being touched by the possibility and proximity of death all over again. Clare knew that Eli valued Imogen's friendship, and she was afraid that now that Eli's deepest fear in regards to the people in his life had come true, he would spiral back down into his darkness so fast that it would leave his head spinning. Clare knew that…Eli would immediately feel guilty that he had failed to protect his friend. She knew that this would be a whole new breaking point for Eli. And what scared Clare most was the realization that as much as she wanted to go stand by his side as he was shaking and holding Imogen's body…her rational mind was telling her not to. Just like it had told her to walk away that night in the hospital. And ultimately, she never took just the few steps that would have brought her by Eli's side.

And as her eyes filled up with tears at the sight in front of her, Clare heard a panicked voice call Eli's name from the school doors. As she turned around, she saw everyone who must have been inside the auditorium finally make their way out, and she saw Liam's sprinting form emerge from the crowd at once. She saw all of the blood drain from Liam's face and she watched as his eyes flood with a light film of tears as he approached Eli and gasped incredulously, shaking his head violently. As she felt her mom hug her at once, Clare then watched as Fiona asked everyone to back up and ambulance sirens could finally be heard in the background.

She heard Eli assertively say to Fiona, "Liam. Let Liam through," and Clare felt a sob escape her as she watched how Eli only allowed Liam to approach him and he gently transferred Imogen's fragile body into Liam's arms. As soon as Liam had a perfect grip on Imogen, Clare saw Eli sink to the ground at once as he clutched his thigh muscle and folded his body in upon itself in pain. She then saw Cece and Bullfrog run towards him at once, and watched as Eli asked them to move so he could see Liam hand Imogen over to the paramedics. Clare then saw Eli stand up with his dad's help as the paramedics placed an oxygen mask on Imogen's face at once and laid her down on a stretcher board, and another sob escaped her as she saw Liam take Eli's arm as they both jumped into the ambulance, Liam later helping Fiona as well. Clare could see through the open ambulance doors as a paramedic approached Eli and immediately cut open the leg of his black pants, revealing a violently twitching thigh muscle that Clare…never knew Eli suffered with. She then watched as the paramedic, without the slightest warning, inserted a syringe into Eli's leg and she felt her heart break all over again as she watched Eli's face contort in pain before she saw the paramedic lay him down on the bench on the side of the ambulance. And just like that, a second later, a different paramedic closed the doors and the ambulance took off at once. Clare then heard Cece's soft cries as she urged Bullfrog to follow them, and Eli's parents were the next to leave the school, leaving a very distraught Miss Dawes and Principal Simpson attempt to restore order to the now tearful and scared crowd.

Clare's mom took her home at once, and that night Clare slept in her mom's bed as she waited for any news to light up her phone. And when she finally received a call from Adam, Clare burst out in relieved sobs when she heard that Imogen was going to live and make a full recovery, and both her and her mom kneeled down by the large bed to thank God. But that night, as Clare lied in her mom's embrace, she realized that…while she couldn't even gather the courage to just stand next to Eli, Eli had been faced with his worst fear and he had completely overcome it. And…because he had been able to do that, Imogen had lived.

As she drew the covers closer to her body, Clare then felt another tear run down her face as she felt as if a blurry shield had been removed from her vision and she whispered to her mom,

"Mom?" and Helen immediately answered,

"Yes, sweetheart?" immensely worried about her daughter.

"Tonight…made me realize the biggest difference between Eli and…everyone else," she softly said.

Helen brushed a stray curl out of her daughter face and neatly placed it behind Clare's ear as she gently said,

"Clare…sweetheart…he's so young and has had so much trauma, of course his mental health will separate him from everyone else, but it doesn't necessarily make him –" but Clare immediately interrupted her.

"No, mom – that's not what I meant," she said.

"Well, what is it then, sweetheart?" Helen asked.

"Eli…it's just that…mom…when everyone was looking for Imogen originally, everyone dismissed it as her just being attention-seeking. Even Mrs. Dawes wasn't all that worried about it. Everyone…just clung to the way we had perceived her and…stood around making insensitive comments. But…not Eli. He went to look after her. It made me realize, mom that, while most people are used to _being_ looked after and Eli…he's used to _looking_ after things," Clare softly said.

"Oh, Clare…that's a good thing, sweetheart. That's a good thing," Helen replied as she pushed Clare's bangs back and watched her nod and slowly close her eyes.

XXXXXXXXXX

"But I just don't understand why Eli is allowed to stay and I have to go home – I'd really like to be here when she wakes up," an incredibly frustrated Liam was telling a nurse who was not his favourite person in the world at the moment. It was three am and according to the nurse, it was hospital policy that Liam now had to go home. Eli and Liam had encouraged Fiona to go home once her brother had arrived and had waited with them to hear about Imogen's condition, and Eli had also worked for many minutes to convince his parents to go home, emphasizing that he was fine but that he wouldn't be leaving Imogen alone in the hospital. When Imogen's nurse had told Eli that her father would not be coming – apparently he had just asked if she was stable, and upon hearing that her surgery had been a success, he had just asked if her friends could bring her home.

Although Eli and Liam had accepted the responsibility at once, the boys looked at each other with the same fury in their eyes for Imogen's dad. Eli knew what spending time alone in this very same hospital felt like, and he reasoned that it was definitely the last thing that she needed right now. Ultimately, he had managed to convince his parents and him and Liam were the only ones left sitting by Imogen's bedside in cold plastic chairs in a room that was much too bright and painfully white for Eli's taste. And seeing their friend lying in the hospital bed with IVs connected to her arm and a breathing tube connected to her face was breaking both of the boys' hearts, although arguably on different levels. Eli watched as Liam grabbed a wet wipe from the dispenser by her bed and gently washed off all the play make-up that was smeared all over her face, and Eli noticed that…Imogen did even look a little better after Liam did that. But Liam's gentle motions across Imogen's face created a sight that made Eli realize that the instinct that he had had when he saw Liam's distress when he saw what had happened to Imogen and the feeling that it was appropriate to allow Liam to hold her was rather correct.

"Young man, your friend needs to stay here because _his_ doctors would like to supervise his leg overnight. Now, you can come back to see your girlfriend first thing in the morning," the nurse's voice interrupted Eli's thoughts, a comment which caused a deep red blush to form on Liam's cheeks, made all the more predominant by the boy's freckles as he muttered,

"She's not my girlfriend," the look on Liam's face making Eli barely able to believe what an idiot he had been as memories of interactions between Liam and Imogen flashed in his mind. Eli couldn't believe that he hadn't realized…and he knew that…Imogen hadn't realized either, and he kicked himself mentally, knowing that had he woken up, he would have been able to give things the little push that they obviously needed. What Eli liked most about Liam was that he was just a good guy and that he always tried to do the right thing…and that he was also quite protective of his friends. Upon seeing Eli post-Jake fight, Liam had understood at once and he had enthusiastically approached Eli wanting to be his 'back-up' as Liam had termed it, a proposition that Eli refused at once – he just cast one look at Liam and realized the boy probably hadn't been in too many fights in his entire life, and Eli didn't want to be the one to start him on that path. It just…wasn't Liam's style. Liam's style was scoping out great new bands and knowing everything about the good old ones as well – when Eli had brought him some of his dad's carefully compiled collections, he had been impressed to see that Liam knew not only all the songs, but also the stories behind them, making Eli realize that Liam had definitely watched his fair share of rock documentaries, something that had earned him Eli's respect at once.

Eli had been examined by a pair of doctors himself, and he almost couldn't believe his luck. Sure, he had to have his leg recast_ again _and he had suffered enormous pain, but…there was no muscle death. Eli's doctor had flashed him a stern look at once upon seeing him return a third time, but when a nurse had informed him of the particularities that had caused this specific visit, Eli noticed that the doctor just told him that he had saved a girl's life and that he was very proud of Eli for running CPR the proper way.

After the nurse proceeded to chastise Liam and told him that he had a choice of either leaving or being given a sedative if he kept arguing, Eli softly told him,

"I got it, Liam. She won't wake up by morning, you heard the doctors. Just go home and get a few hours of sleep and you'll be back here before you know it, all right? I'll call you as soon as anything changes," and Liam reluctantly agreed after a lot more hesitation.

After Liam left, Eli pulled his chair closer to Imogen's bedside and let the doctors' reassuring comments flood his mind as he kept an eye on the monitor displaying her vital signs. Eli knew that he wanted that monitor to keep making the same steady noise until Imogen woke up, and even after that. As the lights in the room automatically dimmed and darkness engulfed him…Eli couldn't help but think back to his own nights in this same hospital, and…hope that by now, he had made some progress.

But what only Eli's kind therapist knew was that Eli…had made miles of progress since that night, and that his process of getting better had passed a critical threshold and would now develop at a much faster rate. Dr. Sadler knew that it wouldn't be long now until Eli wouldn't need to come see her anymore, and she had planned to dismiss him right at the end of the school year. What Eli didn't know as he stood next to Imogen's bedside, his hands shaking ever so slightly, was that after Dr. Sadler would hear about the events of the night, she would actually dismiss Eli just before prom, his behaviour during the night being the final testament to Dr. Sadler's belief that although Eli would forever have to live with his trauma, he was now properly equipped with the tools that he needed to not let it overwhelm him. Dr. Sadler had realized that Eli had been living in hell when he had first come to her, and she saw how badly Eli wanted to get out. So, she had helped him, because patients with a desperate wish to get better always could be helped.

As Eli focused on the steady beeping of the monitor, he knew he couldn't fall asleep, and in the darkness of the small hospital room, he knew that there was something that he wanted to do as he looked at the girl who had fought so hard for him. She may have been misguided when they had first met, but…manipulative or not, Imogen had shown an understanding of him, and once they had moved past their original conflict, she had been a good friend to him. She had been his hand up when Eli couldn't stand up all on his own. And after Eli did what he wanted to do, he focused on the steady beeping of the monitor again and slowly fell asleep, only to be woken up five hours later by the sound of Imogen coughing, and as he felt relief overwhelm him, Eli helped the girl stand up and handed her a drink of water from the pitcher next to her table at once. She quickly drank it, and as she moved the cup away from her body, Eli read the fear and embarrassment in her eyes. And what she said next as her face fell in a painful expression and tears fell down her face…he expected.

"Get out! Leave! Now," Imogen shouted at him, cowering in the corner of her bed, trying to get as far away from Eli as possible.

"Imogen," Eli softly whispered, his eyes flooded with compassion.

Imogen fixed her gaze powerfully on Eli as she continued, "Can't you hear me? I don't want you here. Get out, Eli," but Eli knew exactly how she felt in this moment, so he sat down on her bed slowly and pulled her in for a hug much like in the way an older brother would hug an upset younger sister, careful not to touch her ribs.

As he embraced her, Eli felt her weak fists deliver a series of rapid punches to his chest as she shouted, "I don't ever want to talk to you or ever see you again, Eli. I…hate you, Eli. I _hate_ you. I _hate_ you," her voice subsiding to a soft whisper as she kept repeating the phrase over and over again, her punches slowly subsiding to a tight grip on Eli's biceps. And as Eli whispered,

"I know. I know," to her, he felt Imogen's entire body shake with sobs as his own chest trembled and he only hung onto her tighter as he pushed her hair out of her face and said, "I know. It's okay, it's okay," holding her crying form for a long time.

It was only the loud sound of the door opening that caused them both to jolt, and Eli to hope that Liam wouldn't get the wrong impression by seeing their embrace. But as he turned around, Eli realized at once that the person who had just walked in _definitely _was not Liam. With just one look, Eli knew that it had to be…Imogen's mom – she looked just like her, and he wondered why she never talked about her mom. But as Eli saw the tears in the woman's face and he took in the shocked look on Imogen's face and the way in which she whispered, "Mommy?" he knew why at once. And he was glad, he was so glad for Imogen, so he immediately excused himself and let Imogen and her mom have their privacy while he waited out in the hall.

When the door opened and the elegant woman in the leather jacket and black dress pants told Eli her daughter wished to see him now, he headed back into her room and sat on Imogen's bed in response to her gesture, and this time, Imogen's mom was the one to wait outside.

Eli…knew that it would take a while for Imogen to talk, so he just sat patiently, and eventually Imogen's voice whispered,

"I'm sorry, Eli. And not just…for yelling at you. I'm sorry for…what I did. Everything that I did, actually," she honestly said.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," Eli replied at once, but Imogen only shook her head in response.

"Eli…I didn't think you'd find me. I wasn't trying to do this for attention – if I had even thought that there was the slightest chance that you would find me, I never would have put you in this position…not after everything you've been through. How are you holding up?" Imogen warmly asked, and Eli's heart swelled when he saw that after everything that she had been through, she was still putting his needs first.

"No. This is not about me. This is about you," Eli categorically replied, but he knew he had to add, "I'm fine, so please don't worry about it".

"Your leg? Your leg is fine?" Imogen asked, and Eli nodded in response as the girl noticed…a third cast on his leg.

"Totally fine," Eli assured her, before whispering in horror, "But…your ribs, Imogen. I did that to them…I hurt you like that," grimacing and shutting his eyes tightly. Imogen, however, knew exactly what to say to Eli in this moment, urging him,

"Eli, look at me. Open your eyes and look at me," and Eli listened to her instructions.

Imogen continued with a smile, "Eli – I can live with a few bruised ribs. I couldn't live without CPR. You…did CRP on me?" she asked, and Eli shyly nodded.

Imogen then softly told him, "Eli…you saved my life. Thank you. Do you know that, Eli? Do you realize that you saved my life? Protected me from my own worst enemy…myself," and she saw a tear fall down Eli's face as he shook his head and whispered,

"Imogen…" not knowing exactly how to ask her the question that he needed answered the most.

"I know. I know," Imogen replied, knowing exactly what Eli was thinking. "I just…Eli…I know what you must think. Poor spoiled little rich girl, doing this for –" but Eli cut her off at once, saying,

"That's not what I'm thinking at all," and after Imogen cast him an inquiring look, he continued, "What I'm thinking is...what is it that's so horrible that drove you to think that there's no other option. And I know that a large part of that has been…my behaviour," Eli guilty shared with her.

"I just…I was…tired, Eli," Imogen replied, not knowing how to express her feelings any other way before she tearfully added, "and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Eli, but…it wasn't largely because of you. You're wrong if you think this is your fault. I…need to tell you something, Eli. You've told me so much about yourself, but…I haven't told you everything about me…and I'd like to know. If you want to hear," she shyly said. Eli nodded at once and with his patient reassurance Imogen told her…the story of her family, and between the pain that Eli had helped Julia and Clare through…he understood just what had driven Imogen to her actions, but he still looked at her with a vibrant intensity, needing to see the glint of her eyes and the flare of her nostrils with every breath…he knew she had been a step away from death, and he was so thankful that she had managed to make her way back.

At the end of her recounting, Imogen added, "And you…Eli, you…saved my life. And I don't deserve it. Not after the way I…played with you," she said, shame etched all over her red face. Eli, however, shook his head at once and said,

"If in this friendship someone doesn't deserve something, it's me, Imogen. So what, you made some mistakes. We all do. The important thing is what we choose to do after – and after we talked, you stopped, Imogen. You know that. And you only stood by me beautifully – all those times when you'd look after me at lunch, when a newspaper came out, when you were…just there for me. And I barely even talked to you in response. You say I saved your life, but…don't you see? You saved my life a long time before any of this happened. When I first met you…I was living in hell. You helped me out of it," Eli explained.

"But…the things I did then," Imogen started, but Eli interrupted her again as he whispered,

"Imogen – so maybe your methods were a little different, but…they worked. But it's not so much those, and you know that you stopped doing that, it's…the fact that at a time when no one else did – not even my dad – you…you believed in me," Eli said as a smirk spread across his face. He continued, "You saw that I needed to write or else I would have lost myself further down a dark path," he pointed out.

"But I manipulated you into writing a play that –" she started, only to be gently cut off again as Eli said,

"Hey – hey, writing is rewriting, remember?" he asked with a small smirk that Imogen returned at the memory of Mrs. Dawes often sharing this piece of advice with the two of them. He continued, "It just took a few drafts to get it right, you know that it always does – but…I was ready to quit. And being a writer is who I am, and you saw that. I just needed…someone to believe in me, or I would have…died, you know. That was no way to live, what I was doing. But you…you got me going again. You believed in me," Eli repeated and he was happy to see Imogen flash him a small smile.

She then whispered, "Eli…after everything that I've done to you…you still want to be my friend?" and the tone of her voice told Eli that…she was only looking for friendship indeed.

"Of course, Imo," he said, casting her a small smile and speaking the truth. He then pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and gently said,

"Hey, I wrote you something. I wrote you a poem," and a smirk spread over Eli's face as he saw Imogen's face contort into a look of surprise. She then let out a small gasp as she asked, "You…wrote a poem….for me?" and Eli nodded as his smirk got a big bigger.

"Wanna hear it?" Eli said as Imogen stood up a little and crossed her legs as she sat up next to Eli on the bed.

"Hello – of course I want to hear it," she said, and Eli started reading as he held out the piece of paper so Imogen could read it as well. Eli's voice gained a soft and gentle tone as he told her, "It's called 'Degrassi's Leading Lady'", and Imogen blushed in response. She couldn't believe that…Eli had done something so special for her, and she was so grateful that he wanted to still be her friend. That's all she wanted him to be, the girl now lucidly realized…she wanted him to be her friend, and for him to be happy. Eli then began reading his poem, and from the very first phrase, Imogen realized that while she understood Eli perfectly and thought that she had managed to only let him know the things about her that she had wanted to…she had been wrong. Eli…had come to also understand her perfectly, seeing things about her that she had desperately tried to hide from others.

Eli's voice was soft and emotional as he kept his eyes on the paper and read,

It must have a been a place so dark she couldn't feel the light

Reaching for her through that stormy cloud

But I know this can't be the way she meant to draw a crowd

Oh why – that's what I keep asking

Was there anything I could have said or done?

I worried that she was masking a troubled soul

But helping her should have been my goal

I didn't know what she were holding back

And I often wondered but I'd never ask

Bearing the burden of a secret storm

Sometimes she wishes she was never born

But I don't know what went wrong

And why she'd leave her stage in the middle of a song

She always plays with passion, no matter what the game

Round third, then she scores the winning run

But when she takes the stage she shines just like the sun

But whoever told her life wasn't worth the fight –

They were wrong; they lied;

Because it's not like her

To walk away in the middle of a song.

What is like her…is being stronger than the pain

I know that through the wind and the rain

She stands high as a storm

In a world that she can rise above

And her dreams give her wings

And she flies to a place where she's loved.

It's her stage.

Today she's Degrassi's leading lady

But I can see her future

As if it has already happened now:

She was aware of her insecurities as she took the stage

She was convinced if she got up there

That she'd be discovered someday

So she nailed it; she said all her lines fearlessly

So she melted them, and she brought them to their feet

She was a big star

She said if you work hard to get where you are

If feels good in the hot spotlight

She made the local cable shows

Where the camera fell in love with the face

After a couple of weekends

Her fans were crawling all over the place

And in the aftermath that whole town was hers

She doesn't care anymore

That her high school girlfriends cut her down

The only thought she entertains is where they are

And where she is now

She knows you don't get where you're going

Unless you've got something

They just don't have; so she acts tonight

For an audience of twenty thousand plus

And the young girls scream outloud

'Man, that could be us'.

Eli's perfect words brought tears to Imogen's eyes and after softly thanking him and giving him a chaste hug, she whispered,

"Eli…I'm worry I ruined the play. You – you worked so hard on it, and then I –"

"Don't be silly," Eli said at once. "What you need to focus on is your recovery so you can be back at school before the end of the year so you can be Clara in an encore performance, okay? Dawes and Simpson really want you do, and so do I. Do you think you can do that?" he gently asked her, and Imogen nodded at once, causing Eli to throw a pleased smirk her way.

However, there was one thing that was still torturing Eli as bit so he locked his gaze with Imogen's as he said, "Imogen. In the play's program as the leading lady…_that's _where your name belongs. Not on this hospital bracelet," Eli said as he touched it lightly, and he continued, "And definitely not in a shaded place, on a polished rock. And I would do _anything _for us not to get close to that kind of a situation at once".

Imogen cast him an incredibly guilty look before she whispered, "I promise, Eli. Never again. But…I don't want to do that again, please trust me when I tell you so. I…my mom is here, Eli," she finished as a big smile crossed her face. She continued, "my dad is going to let her have full custody of me – I know it's because he doesn't want to deal with me after this, but…I don't care Eli. All I ever wanted was to live with my mom. She's going to take good care of me," Imogen said.

"You're moving? I don't want you to," Eli said, genuinely sad at the thought of losing a friend.

"That's the best part – I don't have to switch schools – Principal Simpson got my mom a job, Eli. She's a teacher," Imogen said, and Eli could detect the extreme happiness in her eyes. "He got her a teaching job at an elementary school close by, and my mom said she found an apartment close by Degrassi and…we'll be fine. Better than fine…I'm going to be with my mom, Eli," Imogen repeated, overwhelmed by happiness after a period of so much stress and sadness. However, Eli then saw her face quickly fall into a frown as she said, "Though maybe returning to Degrassi isn't such a good thing – I can only imagine what people are saying about me".

Eli however, shot Imogen a quick smirk and replied, "And why should we care why people think?" and Imogen couldn't help but giggle in response. Imogen then wanted Eli to meet her mom, and the kind woman gave Eli a hug at once, shocking him a bit, but he returned it quickly, and she thanked him profusely for saving her daughter's life and told him that if there was ever anything he needed, their home was open to him and that she would do anything for Eli in a heartbeat. Eli was a bit embarrassed as he assured that that wouldn't be necessary, and just as Imogen's mom suggested that they go pick up some breakfast as Eli made a joke about the hospital food, the door opened again, and Eli's jaw almost dropped when he saw who had entered this time.

Eli knew he had to call Liam – he had just been so caught up in making sure Imogen was okay and then in meeting her mom – so he thought it might be him at the door when he originally heard it open, but he never expected…Clare to come here. But there she was, Eli reflected, looking just as beautiful as ever and holding a bouquet of daisies as her face was completely red and she let out a nervous breath.

"Hmm. What a surprise. Hello, Clare Edwards," Imogen said in a neutral tone, and she asked everyone to leave her to just have a minute with Clare. Eli didn't really like the sound of that, but as Clare nodded at him, he reluctantly left the room and closed the door, and once outside, he finally made his phone call to Liam.

Inside Imogen's room, the only sound that could be heard was that of the steady beeping of her monitor. After a few minutes of silence, Clare started,

"I brought you some flowers – do you like daisies?" she asked.

"Why are you here?" Imogen asked, but then she quickly answered her own question, saying, "Well, other than the obvious of course. I mean – what is your cover?" a question that made Clare angry.

"What…cover? What are you talking about?" she asked, and Imogen was able to read the fury in her eyes at once.

"You know…you wanted to see if Eli was staying with me. But of course he is, Clare. Not because…he likes me," Imogen said. "He doesn't. We are just friends. But friends don't leave friends alone in hospital rooms," Imogen slyly said.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I am just delivering flowers on behalf of the newspaper club," Clare said as she put the flowers on the table beside Imogen's bed.

"Oh, but I think you do know what I'm talking about, Clare Edwards," Imogen pushed. "I think you do. So…Katie Maitlin must hate you a lot if she sent you here out of all her newspaper staff. But I'm not doing an interview, sorry. I'm not talking about the play night, and especially not to you," Imogen declared.

"I…Katie only sent me with flowers. Not for an interview," Clare confessed.

"Oh, well, then, maternity is on the sixth floor I believe," Imogen said nonchalantly, and Clare's face turned as white as a sheet.

"I'm not pregnant," she snapped, before she angrily muttered, "I can't believe Eli told you about that," but Imogen just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"For God's sake Clare, how can you think Eli would have told me anything like that? He doesn't enjoy talking about you to me; he's desperately trying to get over everything, he never talks about you. All Eli wants is peace, but you can't even let him have that, always coming around to our play, writing those articles, playing with his mind like that," Imogen accused, because she was angry at Clare.

"I wasn't trying to do that," Clare insisted.

"Oh, come on - get over yourself, Clare. I only asked you if you're looking for maternity because you and Jake Martin locked yourselves in the biology room every morning before I had class in there…who did you think you were fooling?" Imogen shot.

"I'm not dating him anymore, I broke up with him," Clare snapped.

"Oh, well that makes perfect sense now," Imogen said, shaking her head at Clare.

"What makes perfect sense?" Clare asked.

"Now you want to come crawling back to Eli. But…I must say, I am surprised," Imogen said.

"What makes you so surprised?" Clare shot.

"Because…do you want to be with him again because you love him and this time you're ready for…everything that Eli is? Or…because if you went back to him it would be like erasing Jake? Because now you realize Eli will treat you right? Wow, Clare," Imogen whispered.

"Wow what?" Clare pushed.

"Just – it must be so easy to be in love with someone so blind," Imogen said.

"What do you mean?" Clare asked.

"Eli, of course. You…no one understands Eli better than you do, right?" Imogen pushed, her attitude and tone driving Clare to the edge of anger…and pushing her past it.

"He's _my _Eli," Clare shouted, her entire face getting even redder than it already was.

"See – that's where you're wrong. He _was _your Eli. Then you decided it wasn't working out for you anymore, and kicked him to the curb," Imogen clarified.

"And now I suppose he's yours?" Clare bitterly shot.

"Well, now, he's not a piece of property, Clare. He's my friend, yes. But…he'll never be enough for you, Clare. Some things might be good for a while – I heard your mom tell Jake's dad one time that _you _were published – so I guess it's okay to take credit for his achievements and for the 'good' parts, but sooner or later – you're always going to listen to Alli first. Or even a Fitz-type. Because you, Clare Edwards are _good_ – you _never_ do wrong things – but Eli…Eli is…crazy. He crashes hearses into walls to stop you from breaking up, like your little friend is always reminding you when his name comes up. You see – you think, you're always right – you are good; you always do the good thing….Eli is unstable, scary, unpredictable – he's wrong, it's his fault. It's always his fault," Imogen accused.

"You don't know everything about what Eli and I had," Clare pointed out, going on the offensive because Imogen's thought about…how Clare often thought of herself and of Eli had rattled Clare…she couldn't deny that that perspective hadn't crossed her mind.

"It really doesn't take much to figure out that…he did everything to make you happy. And Eli is my friend, Clare. I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh – that's just how I am; I am a bit of an intense person. But…I just don't want to see him get hurt…for the millionth time," Imogen said with a harsh tone.

"Well you can relax…we're not getting back together, we barely talk," Clare said, and then Imogen saw the hesitation in her face.

"Hmm. Well…I just suggest you figure out if you love him before you play with him again. Because from where I'm standing…I'm just not so sure," Imogen honestly told Clare. "Eli's special, Clare. I don't want him to end up with someone who wants him to change what he can't change," Imogen then softly said.

Clare then watched Imogen's face soften and she gestured for Clare to sit on the bed, which Clare did. "Clare…I…wanted Eli to like me the way that I liked him. But he can't. And I understand that. And I've done so much harm to him that all I want to do is be a good friend now. But…if you really want to be with him…" Imogen trailed off before Clare then saw her smile softly and start a different train of thought as she said, "Did you know…that I used to dream of being with a guy like Eli before I even knew his name? All he wanted to do was take care of you. You…are a lucky girl. But for a smart girl, you sure do some stupid things…like Jake. Don't do those things again," Imogen finished, leaving Clare speechless.

"I…hope you feel better soon," was all Clare was finally able to come up with before she opened the door and saw Eli and Liam walking together.

Clare returned Eli's soft, "Hey," and she then heard him excitedly say to Imogen, "Hey, look who I found wandering around outside – this fool," pointing to Liam as they both chuckled. And as Clare watched as Liam held out a bouquet of pretty pink flowers to Imogen and he handed her a bunch of music magazines and began installing what Clare recognized as an iPOD speaker system in the hospital room…she realized something. She saw Imogen's look of surprise at seeing Liam, and she saw the look of…vulnerability and shyness on her face as Liam was pointing to something in one of the magazines and she realized that…Eli had two great friends that she didn't know…at all. And as she watched the boys playfully argue over the best way to set up the speaker system…she felt a deep regret…as she realized how much she missed Eli. She watched him hand a paper bag from a restaurant to Imogen, and she watched him pull up the blinds in her room so the sun could come in, and…she realized that…Eli must hate hospitals, and especially this particular one. But his friend needed him. And as she said a quick good-bye to everyone, she knew that Eli wasn't going anywhere. He had moved his chair towards the corner of the room as Liam was sitting on Imogen's bed and an older woman who Clare assumed to be Eli's mom had moved in and was arranging Imogen's hair into little cinnamon buns expertly, but…Eli hadn't left. Clare knew how hard it must be for him to stay. But he did.


	5. Everywhere

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Have fun at the radio show gig, dude, call me when it's done," Eli told Adam into the phone as he walked up the front steps of Degrassi after spending the majority of the weekend in the hospital with Imogen. She wouldn't be returning to school for two weeks, but Eli knew that between Liam and her mom, she'd never be alone, and he planned on dropping by with Fiona some days afterschool so they could run lines with her. The new play date had been rescheduled with Mrs. Dawes' help, and neither Eli nor Fiona were worried about the fact that she wasn't practicing with any of the other actors. Most of Imogen's lines were with Eli, but Eli and Fiona also knew that Imogen didn't need any more practice – she knew exactly what she had to do and she was amazing on stage. The play was now scheduled for the Friday before the prom, so that also gave Imogen a week of being back at school in order to run full rehearsals, and both Eli and Fiona were confident that they could make things work.

Before walking into the school, Eli took a deep breath, knowing he'd have to put up with a few stares…but that's not what worried him. What made him sad was going back into the school after that awful night. He was pretty sure he would never swim for P.E. class ever again, not even when his leg would heal, and he hoped Coach Armstrong would understand that, because Eli knew there was no one that anyone could force him to do such a thing.

He progressed through his classes slowly, and everyone in drama that morning made get-well-soon cards for Imogen and practiced the scenes that did not include her, but when lunch time came, Eli didn't want to head to his usual destination. Being in the computer lab in which Imogen had previously just quietly stayed by him every single lunch hour…it would just be too much for him in this moment, so for the first time in months, he headed into the cafeteria. He really thought that Adam's job shadow event at Toronto's top radio station was awful timing, but Eli knew he wouldn't have any trouble being alone. He wasn't scared of that problem anymore. However, when he walked into the lunchroom, he never expected everyone to…stand up and clap for him as they did, following the lead of Fiona and Sav.

And Eli hated it. He knew Fiona and Sav meant well, and held nothing against them, but he absolutely detested the hypocrisy of all of the other people…the same people who had made fun of Imogen on play night now…doing this. He didn't feel that what had happened deserved any kind of applause, and he heard his tray fall to the ground before he even realized he had dropped it. Thankfully, as it only had one apple on it, it did not create a mess at all.

Once everyone saw his reaction to the clapping – his eyes shut tightly and he grimaced – it became quiet enough for them to hear Eli assertively say,

"Stop it. Just stop it. There's nothing to clap about here. Her recovery is only just beginning. You can all clap for her when the play starts," and he then promptly left the cafeteria, leaving a dumbfounded student body that included a sad Clare behind. But…Clare once again, felt that she couldn't go after Eli. She didn't want to go down there again, she realized, and ultimately she just took her seat by Alli, who was muttering something about how weird Eli was.

And as Eli found a tiny bit of quiet sanctuary in the J.T. Yorke Memorial Garden, his body's trembling only stopped when he felt Fiona hold his shaking hands, not saying a word to him, but just gently nodding and staying with him for the rest of the lunch hour. Fiona knew that the student body now saw him as a hero, but she also knew how horrible it felt to feel like…you were deceiving others; to feel like the furthest thing from the way that others saw you, whether it was a hero or a perfect princess. Fiona understood. So she just held onto Eli's shaking hands as the two friends' knees touched and they quietly leaned on each other for support.

Fiona was rather right in her perception of how everyone saw Eli – all the students and staff judged accurately that had it not been for his quick actions on opening night, Imogen would not be alive anymore, so of course they considered Eli a hero. But there was one individual who was infinitely more annoyed by Eli's newfound status than ever before. As Jake Martin stood in the back of the cafeteria and watched everyone clap for Eli, a smug smile crossed his lips as he reasoned that the time was approaching for him to show everyone who Eli _really_ was.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Jake Martin knocked on the open door of the _Degrassi Daily _office and he almost let out a groan when he saw that the only person in the room this early was that chick who had asked him to movie night. Jake couldn't remember her name for the life of him…Karen? Kelsey? Kasey?

"Well, Jake Martin," Katie Maitlin politely, but curtly greeted him. Ever since Degrassi's first movie night and her disastrous date with Jake – if it could even be called that – Katie hadn't cast a second look in Jake's direction. Clare Edwards had told her that Jake was a decent guy – something which Katie had soon found out to be the furthest thing from the truth. Katie had also been displeased that Clare obviously didn't have the courage to tell her the person with whom Jake was involved. The whole episode had left Katie a little disgusted and rather inclined to believe that Clare Edwards didn't really have what it takes to be a good journalist…she had shown fear and worst of all, deception to her superior.

However, if there was one thing that Katie hated, it was unnecessary drama, so she had quickly dismissed the entire episode from her mind the day after it happened, being much too busy to dwell on the adventures of the school's biggest player.

Katie continued, "How can I help you?" eager to get Jake out of her face as soon as possible – she had a paper to get out, and she knew the work wouldn't magically do itself. Furthermore, the paper cup from the Dot that was resting next to her laptop now contained cold coffee, which put Katie in an even more unpleasant mood. She was incredibly stressed because she was working on the final edition of the _Degrassi Daily_ for the year, and it was scheduled to come out next week – on the second to last day of classes, and she was still missing a central news story, and the worst part was that she had absolutely no idea what it could be.

Katie shot a rather unfriendly look in Jake's direction as he said, "I'm just dropping off Clare's latest submission – she asked me to," Jake confidently said, knowing that Jake stayed away from drama and that she wasn't likely to know about his and Clare's break-up.

Jake, however, doubted this assumption as he saw Katie shoot him a confused look as she replied,

"I'm not expecting a submission from Clare until after prom – that's her current assignment".

Jake, however, knew he had to play his cards right, so he just shrugged his shoulders and answered,

"Look, all I know is that she asked me to bring this piece of paper to you. Don't shoot the messenger," Jake said as he raised his hands in a defensive gesture. A smug smile then appeared on his face as Katie took the paper from his outstretched hands and Jake registered her shocked look…perfect, Jake thought – that was exactly what he wanted to achieve.

"Is….this true?" she asked Jake in a shaky voice, thinking that this article would definitely not only be the perfect fit for the space in the paper that was left, but also…it would make her career as editor of the _Degrassi Daily_. But as Katie scanned the writing more closely, a large frown appeared on her face.

"Jake…what's going on here?" she asked, her honed journalistic instincts kicking in at once.

"What do you mean?" Jake asked with another shrug of his shoulders.

"This article…it has grammar mistakes and the writing style is awkward and does not flow…this isn't Clare's writing, come on," Katie said, rolling her eyes. She reflected that she should have known better than to trust Jake Martin.

"What? Clare gave it to me to give to you," Jake insisted, knowing that his plan would be so much better if Clare's name was associated with what he was sure to be an explosive event at the school.

"Yeah, I don't think so. I have a lot of things I need to get done, so if you will –"Katie said, turning away from Jake and returning to the many tasks that awaited her at her desk.

"And you're saying you don't want to publish something that every Degrassi student should know?" Jake asked, getting rather angry at this point.

"Not like this," Katie retorted at once. "Not only is the writing sub-par, but…this kind of article…I don't even see any sources, and without sources, it's just pure slander, and I don't print slander. There is such a thing as journalist integrity," Katie continued, and then she potently locked her gaze with Jake's as she added, "Oh, my mistake – what would you know about _any_ type of integrity?".

"It's all from newspaper articles," Jake said in exasperation.

"Then why aren't they cited?" Katie replied, suspecting that the reason for that was that Jake might have based it on sources, but not exactly stayed true to them. And she knew that printing an unfounded article, even if it was just a one-time occurrence, would ruin her paper's reputation for ever. That was a risk that she knew she had worked too hard to take, particularly when her counsel was coming from…Jake Martin.

Katie then continued, "A little too convenient also, Jake, that this Eli was Clare's ex-boyfriend. So, if that's all, I have a lot of things I need to get done. Thank you for _wasting_ my time," Katie said, almost pushing a very furious Jake out the door.

However, as he shook his head in disgust, he realized that…this really wasn't the end of the world. So the sensationalism of Eli thinking Clare had written about this would be lost; but Jake knew that he had news that would rattle the entire school anyway.

He didn't need the Degrassi Daily.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clare put her newspaper notes notebook away, reasoning that she had enough notes about prom for the article that Katie had assigned her to write. The night was almost over, so she enjoyed a dance with Sav and two more with a few boys that worked on the paper who invited her. She had always liked dances, and she had been happy that Katie had sent her here, and she also judged it as a progression in their strained relationship that Katie would assign her something that she knew Clare would enjoy. And Clare knew that she would write a nice article about the night – it really had been organized to an efficiency that only the team of Holly J Sinclair and Sav Bhandari could have produced.

Clare noted with a smile that Holly J had delivered on her promise to invite Declan to the dance as a thank you for the way in which he had saved them from the sets fiasco, and now the two of them were sharing a dance that made Clare think that they would work out their differences at Yale next year after all. Clare could also see Imogen holding onto Liam's hand intimately as a blush appeared on her face to something that he was whispering in her ear and just seconds later, a giggle escaped her lips as Liam cast her an amused smile. Clare knew that although neither of them were grads, Sav had asked Liam to help with the DJing after he had observed the amazing job that Liam had done working on the play's soundtrack. Liam had obviously been permitted to bring a date, and Clare knew ever since the moment she had seen his worry in the hospital that it would be no one but Imogen. Clare had been very surprised when upon her return to Degrassi, the first thing that Imogen had done was to apologize to her – she had never expected such a thing, and she had graciously accepted Imogen's apology. Although they never talked after that, Clare felt genuinely happy for Imogen as she saw Liam gently adjust the pretty corsage that he had placed on her wrist, the elegant flower perfectly covering the girl's scarred wrists. When she saw Liam lead Imogen out onto the dance floor – Sav had taken over in order to allow Liam this pleasure – and she saw him lean in for a gentle kiss, Clare was glad to see Imogen so happy. Just looking at her, it was very obvious that she was in a very different place than where she had been the first night out of the play. Clare had noticed that Liam and Imogen spent all of their lunch times together, sometimes joined by Eli and Adam, but most often not.

Out of the corner of her eye, Clare could also see Owen and Anya sharing a dance, and…she hoped that her own prom would be as good as this one. Clare knew that her article would praise everything from the location, to the decorations and theme, to the music, the food…and the service, she thought as a sad smile crossed her face when she saw Mrs. Dawes dismiss Eli from his waiter duties. She watched as he put his tray down and walked to a table in the corner of the room and sank into a seat, and it was as if for the first time a long time Clare could see how…exhausted Eli looked these days. There were huge bags under his eyes, and the waiter's uniform that Eli hadn't been able to convince Mrs. Dawes to let him opt out of finally revealed something that he had been hiding for a long time and that Clare only noticed now. He was wearing black dress pants and a white dress shirt and he looked…significantly skinner than Clare was used to seeing him, and she immediately thought back to all of the times where she had seen him wear an undershirt under his red polo or a jacket that he didn't take off. When she had first seen him here at the beginning of prom, she was rather surprised to hear that Eli had volunteered to be a waiter, out of all things, but as soon as she remembered that Mrs. Dawes was nominated to be head of prom committee, she had immediately thought that Mrs. Dawes had probably suggested to Eli that he help, and Clare couldn't imagine him saying anything else but yes.

Their interactions over the last week had been typical of their recently established pattern; polite hellos in the hallways as they walked by each other, but hardly anything more than that. There was however, one exception; Eli had approached Clare at her locker at lunchtime once when her review of 'Love Roulette' had appeared in the D_egrassi Daily_ and…he had thanked her, telling her that her words meant a lot to him. And Clare had given him a small, somewhat sad smile in response as she assured Eli that he had really written a magnificent play…a little taken aback at the raw gratefulness etched on Eli's face as he thanked her. But what Clare didn't know was that the last line of her play review was a sentence that would stay in Eli's mind forever and give him the strength necessary for many future years whenever he fought a bad case of writer's block.

_Overall, it was evident to every single audience member that the suspenseful, emotional, and tear-jerking marvel of a production that 'Love Roulette' was could only be achieved when the efforts of an amazing director, hardworking crew and completely dedicated actors are added to the captivating foundation produced by one of the most talented writers not only in our school, but of our generation. _

Seeing those words printed on the column that had Clare Edwards' name on it meant the world to Eli, and he would treasure them forever, and the look that he gave Clare as he came over to express his thanks had communicated this very fact to her, and…made both of them feel a bit better about the way things had turned out.

But as Clare watched as Fiona cast Eli a sad look and then quickly leave the gym only to return from her locker carrying an iPad that she handed to Eli as he shot her a grateful look in response, Clare couldn't help but feel something different inside of her than all of the other times this past semester when she had watched Eli from a distance. The locker moment…no longer felt like enough. Clare felt like what she had with Eli had been true, and good, and powerful – and one locker moment did not do it justice. She wanted more, and she was on her way to getting it just when Mrs. Dawes came over to Eli's table and sat next to him. Clare sat down at the table next to them, knowing that Mrs. Dawes wanted to talk to Eli and hoped that she would make it fast, because she also wanted to talk to Eli.

Clare knew that she shouldn't, but…she listened to the entire conversation between her favourite teacher and the only boy who had ever loved her, starting from the very moment in which she heard Miss Dawes greet Eli and add,

"Thank you so much for helping tonight, Eli," she warmly said.

"No problem, Mrs. Dawes. It's a nice change of pace," Eli answered.

Clare then saw Mrs. Dawes look around her and chuckle as she said, "Proms are a funny thing, you know. I remember mine," and she saw her gaze lock with Eli's.

"Did you have fun?" Eli asked her.

"Sure. It was nice enough. My date showed up completely drunk, we took one very awkward photo, and then I had to call my father to pick me up," Mrs. Dawes said with a laugh as Clare saw Eli raise an eyebrow in her direction.

"That…doesn't sound very fun, Mrs. Dawes. It sounds awful, actually".

"It was," Mrs. Dawes laughed before she continued, "But I hated high school, you know," a piece of information that shocked both Clare and Eli.

"And then you decided to become a high school teacher?" Eli asked in confusion.

Mrs. Dawes laughed again and said, "Oh, Eli, I like teaching. I just didn't like high school while I was in it," she explained.

"Tell me about it," Eli responded.

"Eli…it's all right to feel that way. It's all right to hate dances, and prom – you coming to help me out tonight means a lot to me, actually, I hope you know that. None of this stuff really matters. Prom is just a night, ultimately. A special one, but…just a night. Now your high school reunion, now_ that _I recommend that you do go to. That's rather fun," Mrs. Dawes chuckled.

"How so?" Eli asked her with a smirk.

"Well…it's really interesting to see how everyone ends up. Do you see that group of girls and boys over there?" Mrs. Dawes asked, and as Clare snuck a peek she could see that Mrs. Dawes was gesturing towards a group that included Jake and his latest conquest, who happened to be a grade twelve girl who was on Power Squad, and she was standing in a circle with several other girls on the squad and their dates.

"Uh huh," Eli answered, not sure where this was going.

"Well, Eli, those girls are at their peak right now – they will never be as pretty or as popular or as happy as they are now. But in ten years, some of them will be unhappy, lonely, and miserable. I'm not saying they will all be like that – but some will. And those boys standing with them – same goes for them. They will never be as sought-after by girls are they are now, or perceived as the best thing out there. In ten years, they will have beer bellies and respectable girls will run from them like from a plague. High school is funny like that; things seem to cut in stone, but in reality it's the furthest thing away from that. And the students who right now feel like they don't belong, like…outcasts – you know what I've noticed happens to them?" Mrs. Dawes asked, as Clare was listening just as intensely as Eli.

"What's that?" Eli asked, curious to hear Mrs. Dawes' answer.

"They turn out to be just fine, Eli. Just fine. And a lot of them turn out to be a lot better than just fine – in ten years from now, some of them will be teachers, or professors or doctors or lawyers or engineers or businessmen and…every so often in a class, I can tell that there will be others with professions that will touch the lives of many others. Musicians and artists and…writers. In fact, I'd be willing to stake my life on it that when I see this class return in ten years, there will definitely be a well-established writer among this group. Think he'd save an autograph for his old English teacher?" Mrs. Dawes asked with a mischievous wink.

Eli flashed her a smirk in response and assertively said, "I think he would _definitely _save an autograph for his _all-time favourite _teacher," and Mrs. Dawes smiled brightly at him in response.

She then added, "You know, Eli, when your dad came to parent-teacher conferences and told me you were thinking about moving schools next year -" and Clare felt her heart drop at once.

Eli wasn't coming back to Degrassi? After the next and last week of classes – prom was always a week before the end of classes, allowing the graduating class a week of basically nothing but fun – Eli would be gone…forever? Clare wanted to burst into tears at the thought that when she's return to Mrs. Dawes' class for grade twelve Advanced English, not only would there be no chance of Eli being her partner again, but…he wouldn't even be in the class? Someone else would have his locker? Someone else would sit where he had begun sitting again in the cafeteria? And if she had realized for the first time tonight how much she had missed being a part of Eli's life since their break-up…it didn't compare at all to the feeling of utter emptiness that plagued her at the thought of Degrassi without Eli. The two of them had definitely had their ups and downs over the past year, but ever since Eli had come to Degrassi and ran over her glasses with Morty, Clare couldn't imagine him not being in her life at all…for better or for worse. She refocused on the conversation between Eli and Mrs. Dawes and she heard Mrs. Dawes continue,

"I…really hope you decide against it, Eli. And I'm not just saying it because I would be losing my best writer and I am jealous of whatever teacher gets you as their student instead, but because I think it would make things harder for you, Eli; you would have to send three different transcripts to university. But most importantly…a year - and especially your graduating year - goes by so fast, Eli – your new English teacher would barely have a chance to recognize what a talented writer you are before one semester would already be up. If you stay here, Eli, there's so many things I'd like to see you do – just look at everything that you have achieved this year – getting published at sixteen –" and Clare knew that Mrs. Dawes had stopped because she had seen Eli flinch at the reference to 'Stalker/Angel', like Clare knew that he always did now. However, she then heard Mrs. Dawes gently continue,

"Eli…I know it's not your favourite, but it is a great story and a very special achievement, you know – and you will be published again, shortly, so it's not like it will be the only thing on your record. The play you wrote…was fantastic Eli, it was really something. It might take…time for a new teacher to get to know you and to give you all the opportunities that you deserve. There are so many writing competitions for grade twelve students that I would like enter you in and a few scholarships that I'd like to see you apply for. I'd like you to be here for the Grundy awards – I am quite inclined to believe you will have to deliver an acceptance speech, you know – and for the play next year. What I'm trying to tell you, Eli, is to just…think before you leap, all right?" Mrs. Dawes asked him, and Clare was glad to hear the things Mrs. Dawes had specified to Eli.

"I will, Mrs. Dawes. I…haven't decided yet. But thank you," Eli potently said, and Mrs. Dawes read the gratefulness in the boy's eyes before going to do a lap of the room to ensure that everything was still all right.

Eli returned his attention to Fiona's iPad once Mrs. Dawes had left, and Clare saw that he opened up the iBook application at once and a book was brought onto the screen, and…Clare decided to wait. Eli looked so peaceful as he was sitting down and reading, and Clare knew that peace was something that Eli had fought hard to regain, and that it hadn't been easy for him. But the more that she studied his tired face and leaner form, the more impatient she got. She wanted to talk to him, and she wanted to talk to him now, so she walked over to his table and confidently sat down in the chair next to him. Eli looked up at once and Clare saw the sparkle in his eyes as his gaze locked with hers and he flashed her a small smirk.

"Having a good time covering this thing for the paper?" Eli asked her.

Clare nodded and said, "Yeah, I like it," with a soft smile, making Eli's heart almost physically ache at the sight of it again.

"You like dances," Eli said as his smirk got bigger, because the thought had been the first that had run through his mind. He liked seeing Clare happy, and he knew that if anything had the power to make her feel that way, a dance was a pretty good bet.

"Are you moving schools?" Clare blurted, no longer able to control herself, her entire face gaining a deep blush as soon as she had finished her question.

Clare saw Eli let out a sad exhale and said, "It's just…something I've considered, that's all. I thought…starting over and laying low at a new school until graduation might be a good thing to do, it was something that um…" Eli hesitated before taking a deep breath and continuing, "…that my therapist and I talked about; we were just talking about my old school and Degrassi in my last session yesterday of therapy, and it came up. But…I think Mrs. Dawes just single-handedly made me decide…to stay," Eli admitted with a look in Mrs. Dawes' direction. He then shyly added, "I…think I like this school. There's things I'd like to do here next year," and Clare's face immediately lit up at the news.

"That's good, Eli. That's really, really good," she warmly told him, and Eli moved his gaze away from hers as his mind flashed with the memory of the special time that she had uttered those exact words to him, and he sadly thought that…so much could change in so little time. Looking at Clare as she said those words and…not being able to hug her hold her tightly…Eli knew that it would be too much for him, so he looked away.

"Thanks," Eli whispered, and as he looked around him, he…knew that it was now or never. Eli wasn't sure if Clare would be here tonight, and when he had seen her he had clutched the inside of his pant pocket and was happy that he had decided to bring something that he wanted to give to her tonight with him after all. But as he watched Sav lift up a record and look for the next one, Eli…decided to take a risk and ask Clare something that he had wanted to for a long time.

"Clare…" he softly started, and the small nod and soft smile that she gave him encouraged him to continue,

"Remember how you told me that once upon a time we had something great?" and she nodded as her cheeks developed a rosy tint.

Eli proceeded, "Well, I agree with you – we really did. So I was wondering if maybe…you'd like to dance with me and live in that once upon a time…just for three minutes. I know that you like dancing, and…I never seemed quite capable to give you a carefree dance, and I'd like to fix that tonight". As Clare tipped her head coyly and brushed her bangs out of her face, Eli immediately brought his guard up, not realizing that this action on Clare's part was actually a manoeuvre to hide the light film of tears that had formed in her eyes when she had heard Eli's sensitive comments. What he had said…made her realize that Eli understood her perfectly, and his offer meant the world to her, so before Eli could awkwardly tell her to never mind, that they didn't have to after all, she enthusiastically replied,

"I want to, Eli – I really want to".

Eli then shot her a wide smirk and gently took her hand, grateful that his leg was finally back to normal. As much as Eli wanted to pretend like they really were back into their once-upon-a-time, he knew he couldn't really make his touches as intimate as he would have if him and Clare were really dating – Eli was afraid that if Clare were to recoil from him even with the slightest flinch, it would be something he would never recover from. He categorically wanted to never put Clare in a position where she would be scared of him ever again, so he just gently took her hand and led her out towards the middle of the dance floor. He didn't have time to judge whether it was appropriate to say this or not before his mouth ran ahead of his brain and he leaned in and whispered, "You look so beautiful tonight, Clare," taking in her black and white dress and especially…her eyes; the eyes that had captivated him so long ago and that Eli knew still had the most powerful of grips on him. But instead of being dominated by that awareness, Eli was now able to let it go, even if that didn't make it hurt any less.

Eli's compliment caused Clare's blush to get even deeper, and as she tipped her head and shot Eli her characteristic out-from-under gaze, he felt his heart almost skip a beat when Clare chose not to place her arms in his, but more intimately around his neck, which encouraged him to place his arms around her back. When Clare pulled him closer and rested her head on his chest, she felt Eli's chest tremble and exhale deeply as she felt his hands securely, but ever so gently hold her tight. Clare was amazed at how even this most chaste and gentle touch on Eli's part could make her feel as if her whole entire body was on fire…all Eli was doing was holding her as they swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the music, but it felt like a more intimate touch than Clare had received…ever since the last kiss that Eli had given her. As she song progressed, Clare moved her left arm to Eli's bicep so she could bury her face in his neck, and as she held him closely, she realized that even with her eyes closed...she could just feel how much skinnier Eli had gotten, and she had a feeling as to why this was, and she didn't like it. But as she felt Eli gently adjust his hands on her back to pull her in even closer in response to her action of burying her face in his neck, she quickly became lost in his scent and shut her eyes a little tighter, never wanting this moment to end. As Eli gently held her and led their movements, Clare's repressed feelings hit her like a tidal wave, and she prayed for the song to never come to an end, but it sadly had to. Eli raised an eyebrow when he noticed that Clare held onto his shoulder and bicep tightly for a few seconds after the song had come to an end, but Clare then pulled out of their embrace, unaware that at the other end of the room, Jake Martin had watched the moment that she had shared with Eli like a hawk. Even if Jake didn't have any feelings for Clare, he found the sight to be rather much like a slap in the face to his own pride, but neither Clare nor Eli ever noticed the look of fury on his face.

"Thank you. That was a really great dance," Clare softly said to Eli, and she felt her heart skip a beat when he gave their still interlocked hands a squeeze and said,

"Clare…I'm sorry we never got to talk after spring break like you wanted to. I was…embarrassed to tell you about my anti-anxiety meds, and…I just wasn't sure what to say to you, I was so…numb. I was scared that I would yell at you or something, and I didn't want to put you through that. I…never wanted to put you through that," Eli admitted, completely opening himself up to Clare.

"Eli, it's okay. I understand. Besides, it's not like…soon after…you couldn't talk to me when I was with Jake. I…understand, Eli. It wasn't all your fault," Clare gently told him, but Eli slowly shook his head.

"Clare…remember our _Romeo and Juliet _project?" Eli softly asked her.

"Of course," she replied, wondering if Eli seriously thought that she could…just forget.

"I wish…that my judgement had been clear enough you know, after spring break to remember what you old me when we did that project. How…you need closure. That was…good perspective. I only wish I could have respected your wish after spring break, when you wanted to talk," Eli said, deeply ashamed that…he always seemed to fail Clare. He never could give her what she wanted, he reflected.

"Eli, no – don't say that. We both did bad things. I think we both know that now," Clare warmly said, thinking back to how the only thing that had upset her then was that…Eli didn't seem completely destroyed over their break-up and that she had selfishly wanted him to.

Just as Clare was thinking back to that time, Sav's amplified voice could be heard as he announced,

"All right Degrassi – last dance of the night. This is your last chance, so grab that someone special and make it count!"

Eli then softly told Clare, "I just wanted to say…I'm sorry, Clare. For everything that I did. For all the suffering that I caused you. I really wish I could just…undo it all," Eli assertively said as he gave Clare's hands one final squeeze and then let them go.

"Eli?" he then heard Clare ask, and he watched her take a step closer to him before she softly said, "One more dance. Just one more. The last one," and Eli nodded at once, shooting Clare a confident smirk and saying,

"Come here, Edwards," and she stepped into his open arms, her body shaking ever so slightly as a deep feeling of regret took over her entire body. She knew closure was good, but…she couldn't believe that…this is how it would end. From now on, all she'd have with Eli would be hallway hellos? Just the thought of that made her hang onto him tighter, causing Eli to be able to detect her shaking. Clare then heard him whisper, "You're shaking. Shh. Shh. It's okay. It's okay". Clare felt his hands gently run across her upper back and down her arms, and Eli's gentle touch did in fact calm her down at once.

She felt him pull out of their embrace just enough so he could look directly into her eyes as he asked her,

"You all right? What's going on?" his voice laced with concern.

"Don't worry, Eli, I'm perfect," Clare gently sighed as she burrowed her face deeper into his neck and she followed his slow swaying, both of them well aware that their embrace was definitely not that of two individuals who were just friends, but not wanting to move out of it or place the slightest bit of space between their bodies. And neither of them did so. Clare then whispered,

"I'm sorry too, Eli," and she felt Eli give her a gentle squeeze as he softly said, "Don't worry about it".

Clare then told him, "I'm really glad that you're better, Eli," and she felt him flinch at once.

Eli then deeply exhaled before he replied, "It means a lot to hear you say that. But…I may have had my last therapy session but…it's going to be a long process. As much as I hate that – it took me a lot to realize that – I think 'better' is going to be a funny word for me for a long time," Eli confessed.

Clare moved one of her hands to the back of Eli's neck as her blue orbs focused on his eyes as she replied, "You can do it, Eli. I know you can," and the conviction in her voice as she said that worked miracles for Eli's wounded self-esteem and confidence.

She then softly whispered, "I…just hate that all of these awful things have happened to you. You don't deserve them, Eli," she painfully whispered as she felt Eli's embrace get even warmer.

Clare heard him whisper back, "Well…quite a few of them I was a rather active participant in. The majority of them were caused by my own stupidity," and upon hearing Eli express such an opinion, Clare realized just how much Eli had changed in their time apart. And Eli was also realizing that Clare had been able to reach a different view of things, even if just for a moment, as well. And as they held each other closely and hid their teary eyes from each other, both Clare and Eli wished that they could turn back time.

Eli knew the slow song would come to an end soon, and there was just one more thing that he wanted to do before taking his goodbye from Clare. So he gently pulled away and moved his hand off of Clare's back so he could reach into his pant pocket. Clare watched him do this with a confused look on her face that only got more pronounced as she saw Eli pull out a dark blue velvet square box.

He explained, "I hoped I would see you tonight. I didn't expect a dance," he specified, not mentioning that he _definitely _hadn't expected two dances and _definitely_ didn't expect to be able to hold Clare so intimately. Eli then continued, "But I just hoped that I'd get a chance to give you this," he said, holding out the box to Clare and joking, "Don't worry, it's not an engagement ring or anything like that". Clare shot him a small smile in return, and an old fantasy of hers was running through her mind as she heard those words come out of Eli's mouth.

Eli then softly whispered, "Open it," and Clare did so to reveal a delicate, wide silver band that had six little blue sapphires embedded in it, each shiny jewel placed at an equal distance from its neighbour.

He eyes widened in surprise as she softly gasped, "E-Eli," and then continued, "It's so beautiful…it's really stunning. It's…for me?" she asked incredulously.

Eli chuckled in response, his heart leaping with joy when it became clear that…Clare liked the ring that had caught his eye at once as he had passed by an Eaton's Mall display window.

Clare took the ring out of the box and studied it closely, enchanted with its design as Eli explained, "I just…I just think that a ring belongs on your finger, and it's not only because I was just so used to the sight. It's because…I think what happened in a moment of pressure and confusion…doesn't count. I know that this…this might sound weird, and trust me, I know I'm the last person to speak with any sort of authority on this subject, but…I think God would believe in second chances, particularly in this case. And I don't mean for this ring to replace your purity one because I know how special that one was to you, but…I just think that – and again, I hope me speaking on this matter isn't like, blasphemy or something, but I think God would agree that there's more to purity and being good than just a physiological definition. I think…that He'd be okay with another ring on your finger. There's this book I read," Eli said with a short pause as his eyes flashed nothing but empathy and understanding as he continued, "And it wasn't religious or anything like that, but there was this moment where it said that faith, hope, and strength are some good things that God gave us, but that the greatest is love. And I just think…that all the love _you_ give isn't lessened by what happened. And I think God would be the first to recognize that…it's okay if you have another ring," Eli confessed. Clare's eyes were red and teary as she heard Eli's thoughts and she was overcome with emotion upon hearing the perfect perspective that didn't need a thorough knowledge of religion to be formed. She didn't want Eli to misunderstand her tears as ones of sadness, so she tightly wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled him in for a soft, warm hug that exceeded the average length of a hug between two friends.

As Clare pulled away as the song was coming to an end, she gathered herself just long enough to hold the ring out to Eli and softly say,

"Can you help me put it on?" and Eli slowly did so, his hands shaking ever so slightly after they had pulled away from Clare's left hand.

Eli took a look at the ring on Clare's delicate fingers and declared, "It's perfect. So beautiful," making Clare blush at once as she breathed, "I love it, Eli. Thank you so much," giving him one last hug as the song's last note played. Sav's voice could soon be heard from the speakers, saying,

"And that's a wrap Degrassi! Congratulations Class of 2011!" and loud cheers reverberated through the gym, breaking the spell of the earlier serene tranquility as Eli and Clare's bodies pulled away from each other.

Sav then quickly added, "Have a safe ride home, everybody," and Eli accompanied Clare to the coat check and walked her outside.

"How are you getting home, Clare? Can I drive you?" he asked, and a smile crossed Clare's lips at Eli's obvious concern for her.

"My mom is picking me up," she responded.

"Oh – there she is right now," Eli said, gesturing towards Clare's mom's car as Clare thought that…of course Eli would remember her car.

As Clare saw her mom park, she caught Eli's smirk and she told him, "Thank you. This was…the best Degrassi dance that I've ever been to".

Eli flashed Clare a small smirk before he replied, "I'm glad you had a good dance, Clare," and the mixture of relief and regret on his face let Clare to be able to see right through Eli in that moment and realize…how much it meant to him for Clare to have a good, happy, and carefree dance.

As Clare felt the chilly Toronto evening air move the folds of her black and white dress ever so slightly, she softly said, "Good-bye, Eli," and Eli bit his lip as he slowly nodded his head and replied, "Good-bye, Clare".

And as Clare rode home in her mom's car and explained the ring on her finger to her mom and as Eli slowly drove Bullfrog's MGB home, both of them slightly gasped for breath, feeling like a bullet had been shot through their hearts.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"I think you should go with her, it's her first counselling session with Mrs. Sauve. You've been with her to her other therapist's sessions, I'm sure it won't be all that different," Eli told a concerned Liam who nodded at once.

"You're right, Eli. Thanks," he replied.

"She's still doing well in those sessions, right?" Eli asked Liam, not having spoken to Imogen about them in a while.

"Yeah, she's doing great," Liam replied with a beaming smile.

In that same moment, Imogen ran up to the boys and greeted them, and just a minute later, Eli saw them to the side entrance of the school so they could reach Mrs. Sauve's office easier.

Eli was heading towards the front entrance to the school, as he always did, memories of prom still flooding his mind. It had been three days since the event, and today was the second to last day of school. Just as Eli had suspected, Clare and him had returned to having their only interactions be the slight hallway nods…he just didn't know what to say to her, but whenever he would steal a glimpse at her ring finger, he would feel just a bit better. He knew that a material thing would not compensate for all the hurt he had brought her, but…he was glad to see Clare genuinely love something that even had the smallest connection to him. And putting a ring on her finger, even if it was not the way he had wanted to, well…it was something that Eli knew that he would cherish forever.

He knew that after these last two days of school, he was likely to not see Clare at all during the summer, unless she maybe came into Chapters while he was working there, but…it wouldn't be anything like a summer of the two of them having urban adventures around Toronto, Clare's feet upon the dashboard of the new urban Jeep that Bullfrog and Cece had given to Eli to celebrate the end of his therapy and a successful play…like Eli had let himself imagine in a moment of weakness. But Eli was actually looking forward to the summer – it was nice to have a job lined up and he knew he could have a chance to read and write everything that he had meant to during the semester but just hadn't had the time for. It had been a busy and difficult semester for him, and Eli wanted to find some peace during the summer. And he hoped that he could, he reflected as he sent Adam a good luck text, just a little sad that Adam was off to another job shadowing session, this time at a different radio station in Toronto.

Eli then walked through the front doors of the school, and he knew something wasn't right when, as he progressed down the hallway, he saw everyone…staring and whispering at him. Eli knew that he had been the subject of a lot of drama at the school, but he had felt that once the play had been properly performed upon Imogen's return, a lot of the attention on him would fade away. So he didn't really understand why people were looking at him, and he shot them confused glances in return.

And then he heard the whispers.

_I hear that's why he transferred to Degrassi…to get away from it all…_

_ She was just fourteen when she died…oh my God, can you imagine?_

_ She lived with him…_

_A car hit her when she was on her bike…a hearse…don't you remember that's what he used to drive? Before he crashed into a wall on purpose…_

And then he saw the ledger size paper flyers…and he felt the vomit rise up in his throat at once. How…who had gotten that picture of him and Julia? Eli knew that it was from the art show at his old school – Julia was standing next to her painting and Eli's arm was wrapped around her waist…he knew that it had gone up on his old school's website at one point…but who had gotten it here? And…oh God, the other picture, of her destroyed bike…he thought as he felt tears come to his eyes and all the blood drain from his face. He knew that he must have looked as white as a sheet, shaking like a leaf in the middle of the hallway, completely unable to move. He felt sweaty and he gasped for breath but there seemed to be absolutely no air in the hallway, as…a bright yellow flyer was taped to…each and every single locker, with the heading,

_**Does one right cancel out a wrong when it comes to the life of a girl?**_

And Eli recognized…phrases of the newspaper article that had come out describing Julia's accident…but he hated that her picture was there, for all these kids who had never seen her to judge, to point and pretend like they knew her, when they didn't, Eli thought as he closed his eyes tightly and winced, hoping to wake up from this nightmare. All he could see was people glancing down at the sheet, then at him, and whispering to each other with horrified looks on their faces. And in that moment, Eli wished that he wasn't alive. They were all…tainting Julia, talking about her as if they knew her, looking at her picture, looking at that painting that she had worked so hard on and was so proud of…

And then he caught a glimpse of the last sentence of the article.

_The beautiful girl's untimely death came immediately after she left Eli Goldsworthy's residence. Police have released a statement saying that Eli did not leave Julia alone when she clearly had realized her own safety was in jeopardy with him. Her decision to run away from him angered Eli. And just twenty minutes later, Julia's life was ended when her bike was run over…by a hearse. _

And that…complete fabrication did not even surprise Eli. He knew it wasn't a part of the newspaper article because no such thing had happened; the end of that newspaper article rather originally asked anyone with any information to contact Crime Stoppers, and the drunk driver had been quickly found and convicted on a count of homicide and sentenced to life in prison, not that that had made Eli feel any better. It wasn't going to bring Julia back.

But…as Eli shook his head and tears ran down his face while the rest of his body was shaking but unable to listen to his will to just get out of the hallway, he realized that…it didn't even matter. He _had_ killed Julia, and…everyone knew. And he thought that it was a small punishment and that he really had nothing to be upset over. He _had_ killed Julia. Even if the article was lying, it didn't matter. The end result had been the same.

_I killed her. _

_ I killed her. _

_ I killed her. _

_ Because of me, she didn't get to live. _

_ Because of me, she had to die. _

_ And I had the audacity to believe that I could ever be happy again. _

_ Why should I get to be happy?_

_ It should have been me. _

And as Eli's gaze locked with that of a smugly smiling Jake Martin, Eli nodded, thinking he should have known. But…seeing Julia's picture on every single locker at Degrassi…make Eli realize that…he just didn't have the strength to care about Jake and whatever he did. Jake was insignificant. Even if Jake would have directly killed Eli, which Eli would have taken over being confronted with Julia's death all over again, Eli knew that he…just didn't care about whatever Jake Martin chose to do, and as walked outside, his knees shaking and finally throwing up once outside. But Eli knew he wouldn't make it far, and he knew he didn't even have the strength left in him to call his mom or dad, so he just sunk into the picnic table as the small black birds that now knew to recognize him surrounded him at once and started chirping happily. But even the birds could tell that…something was really wrong with their friend.

Inside the school, the eerie silence that had overtaken the students in the hallway was interrupted by the sound of a door opening and Katie Maitlin's stressed out voice telling Clare Edwards, "Well, that was a bust of a meeting. We s_till _don't have the article that we need for the last issue for tomorrow – we're screwed," but as all the newspaper staff absorbed their surroundings, their faces turned to a look of pure confusion.

And then…Katie and Clare saw the bright, full size flyers everywhere – some on lockers, but the majority of them in people's hands or all over the place at once. And Katie shook her head in disbelief, recognizing the content at once. She was eternally grateful that she had never published this in her paper, because…Jake's action to go ahead and do so anyway thoroughly convinced Katie that it was pure slander.

And as Katie looked over at a pale, but furious Clare Edwards, she knew that she couldn't let Jake win. Katie knew that all she had to do was whisper to Clare, "This is Jake's doing. He tried to give me a copy of this with your name on it, said you asked him to submit it to the paper".

As she kept reading the information, Clare burst out, "What?" as Katie nodded in response. But…the article's ending had completely haunted Clare as the memory of Eli deadpanning, "_This is where I killed my girlfriend_" took over Clare's mind. Could it be…? Clare then looked around the hallway and loudly yelled, "Stop it!" at everyone whispering and looking at her.

"Stop it! Just stop it! Help me get these things off the lockers before Eli sees, come on! Come on!" she yelled at everyone as she madly began ripping the papers to shreds while shooting a look of daggers at Jake. She wanted to approach him – and oh, _she would_, of that much she was sure – but making sure that Eli would not see the papers was all Clare could think of.

That is, until she heard Marisol softly whisper,

"He saw. Just a minute ago. He…just stood there shaking, tears coming down his face…before he booked it, totally freaked out," she informed Katie and Clare, and Clare immediately winced and teared up in response. She hated this – she had seen Eli finally find peace at prom, and she couldn't imagine the damage that she knew this would do to him. It might be…irrevocable damage, she thought, and she couldn't possibly imagine Eli staying at Degrassi after _this_.

So she ripped the few papers that she had managed to collect in anger as she shouted, "You can't all possibly believe these _lies_!" and Katie Maitlin nodded in response as Fiona, Sav, and Holly J came and stood next to Katie and Clare and did the same. The respected seniors' determined stance did something to capture everyone's attention, but…the bombshell news couldn't just be erased with such an action, and Clare knew it. But she wasn't worried about everyone else right now; she was most worried about Eli, and she was absolutely horrified by the fact that she had no idea where he was.

And then…Clare recognized the feeling that took over her entire body at once. It was not fear, but determination, saying,

_Find him. Go after him. Go stand by him. _

Clare knew she would, but first, she walked right up to Jake Martin, stared him in his eyes as she smugly smiled and crossed his arms across his chest at her. Clare flashed a look of sheer fury at him before she drew her hand back and delivered a piercing slap to his cheek that left everyone gasping, and she angrily whispered, "You lying, despicable _coward,_" the six little stones in her ring leaving a clear imprint on Jake's face among the larger red handprint that was clearly forming. Clare then saw Principal Simpson emerge from his office and study the pamphlets in horror, and as she saw Sav, Fiona, and Holly J. rush over to the principal and begin their explanations at once, she knew they had that particular aspect of the situation under control.

Clare knew she had to find Eli. She wanted Eli. What had happened to him was not fair, and Clare couldn't believe the severity of it. And she knew that Jake had gone on the information that she had let slip, but what he had had was worse than anything Clare could have ever imagined. It really was _the worst thing_ that could have happened to Eli, and Clare knew that Adam was away from the school today for his job shadow activities, and she had seen Liam and Imogen head into Mrs. Sauve's office when she had stepped out of the newspaper meeting to go to the washroom…so she knew that Eli, once again, was left to face with his demons _all alone_. But this time, Clare wanted to find him. She needed to find him.

And she quickly did, feeling a sharp pang in her chest when she saw him shaking on the picnic table that he usually sat at, surrounded by a few little black birds that were clearly expecting to be fed. Clare knew that as she slowly walked to the picnic bench, Eli was too lost in his own thoughts to see her, his head hid in his hands and his hair really messy. However, he did look up when Clare sat right next to him, their thighs touching. Her heart ached as she heard him deeply inhale and whisper, "No. You don't want to be here. You don't have to. It's fine. Go inside. I'm fine," words that broke her heart.

"Eli – if I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be here –" she started, but Eli softly interrupted her,

"You don't have to feel guilty. You did the right by getting out when you did – and I think my behaviour after spring break demonstrated that. It's not your job to fix me. I have to fix myself," Eli gritted out, his entire body still shaking.

"Eli…I…it was just so overwhelming…" Clare whispered.

"I know. Which is why I understand. I get it, Clare…the overwhelming feeling, I really do," Eli confessed, and Clare felt a light film of tears develop on her eyes when she realized what Eli wasn't telling her, probably too afraid to voice this thought out loud. He understood the overwhelming feeling that she had felt, because…in moments of crisis, it was…always like that for him, inside his own mind. It was all overwhelming, but while Clare could just away, she realized that Eli couldn't – he was forever trapped there, and even if she had seen him improve so much as a result of his therapy, she knew that the overwhelming feeling would return to him…and of course it did this particular morning.

"I should have been there for you - as a friend," Clare whispered, realization setting in.

"I'm a hard person to be a friend to. Just ask Adam. Or Fiona, or Imogen, or Liam. I'm a hard person to….just be around, and I'm sure everyone in the school can tell you that now," Eli said as he choked back a sob.

"No, Eli, you're not," Clare encouraged him, but she saw him only sadly shake his head his response as he muttered, "Clare…I am. Sometimes I think my own parents wished they had a different kid," he sobbed, sharing one of his deepest fears with Clare in a moment of complete desperation.

"That's not true, Eli," Clare emphasized. "You're a good guy, Eli," she softly said.

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about _that_. Do good guys crash their hearses into walls to trap girls into relationships? Do good guys flaunt their relationships openly in a play? Do good guys…kill their girlfriends?" Eli whispered, hiding his eyes with his hands.

"Eli…stop torturing yourself like this. You don't deserve this," Clare gently told him, placing one of her arms around his shoulders, but Eli quickly flinched and moved away.

"I…I _do _deserve this. I deserve so much worse," Eli insisted. "All I do…is hurt the people I love. I'm a bad guy, Clare," he sobbed.

"Eli…please don't leave the school," Clare pleaded.

"I'm not going to. Don't you see – if this proves anything, it's that….I can't ever escape my past. There's no point in always running away, because the problem is…me. I'm a bad guy, Clare," Eli repeated.

"Eli…it's not that simple. You're a good person – you just got a little turned around, that's all. It happens to the best of us, remember? And…Eli…all of this trauma…it started with something that wasn't our fault," she gently pointed out.

"I killed her, Clare," Eli deadpanned, and he completely broke down when Clare turned his body gently around so she could lock his gaze with his. Tears were streaming down his face and the shaking…he just couldn't stop the shaking.

But as Clare looked into his green eyes, she didn't feel any fear. All she felt was an incredibly strong conviction as she said,

"Look at me. I do _not _– _for one second_ – believe that it was your hearse that hit her bike. Not for _one second_, Eli," and Eli flashed the most vulnerable look that he had ever given her in the entirety of their time together.

"How can you be so sure…after everything you've seen me do?" Eli asked.

"Because I know you, Eli. Look at me. I know you. You did _not _kill Julia. What happened to her was awful, and tragic, but with you…she found comfort and love and protection…you saved her, Eli. The kind of life she would have had with her stepmom – that wasn't a life, Eli. I don't know why her life had to end so tragically and so soon, but…for the little bit of time that she was here for, she had…you, Eli. She had you and you looked after her _so_ well. Trust me, I know you did. I can tell. Once upon a time I was your girlfriend too, and you looked after me so well too, even when I made it really hard for you to do so because I was so stubborn," Clare assertively told him, and as she pulled him into a deep embrace, she felt his now very thin body collapse into hers, trembling from head to toe.

She then heard Eli whisper, "You…believed me. Over the article, which by the way…had the last paragraph changed. Drunk driver. They found him hiding in the woods just two hours after," Eli whispered. "You…believed in me, Clare," he gasped, hanging on to her tighter.

"Of course, Eli. I know you," Clare softly whispered back.

"I – I just…I've done so many bad things," he said, gaining control of his body quickly.

"You've done a few, yes, you've done a few," Clare gently cooed him adding, "But…you also did everything to make me happy," she said, recalling the conversation that she had had with Imogen in the hospital, "and…I think that had we _both _chosen to act differently, things…might have worked out differently for us," Clare said, a wistful look entering her eyes.

"Hmm. That would've been…really something," Eli softly sighed, wishing he could turn back time.

"I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, Eli," Clare said, before she bit her lip and added, "I…it's because I told Jake about her…by accident one night," but she was surprised to see Eli sadly smile and respond,

"I know. I figured. It's okay," and this time, he was the one to embrace Clare and run his fingers over her curls as he repeated, "It's okay. It's okay. I…I can make it through this. But…Clare, you can go back inside. You don't have to do this," Eli said, giving her an empathetic look.

"I'm not going anywhere," Clare softly said, embracing him tighter. They remained like that for entire minutes, just holding each other, until Clare gently pulled away and Eli raised an eyebrow in her direction when he saw her pull out a sandwich from her bag. And tears filled his eyes again as she handed him half of it and began…feeding her half to the little black birds that were around them as Eli did the same.

After they were finished, Eli felt Clare gently place her hand around his shoulder and guide him off the bench as she whispered, "Let's go. We're not staying here today. Let's go to your house," but Eli responded,

"You…you don't have to take me there. I can go by myself. You don't have to skip class for me".

"Eli – it's the second to last day. And…you know what I realized? Having someone help you sometimes doesn't mean you've failed – it just means that you are not alone. Besides…I could actually use the time away from class. I have a really important newspaper article to write," Clare told him, and she eventually just started walking with her hand around his shoulders, and Eli followed. They walked slowly because Clare could tell that Eli was not only emotionally exhausted, but also physically exhausted, and when Cece opened the door, Clare caught the look of worry on her face at once, and she also felt a little embarrassed…she hadn't spoken to Cece in a long time, and she wondered what Eli's parents thought of her now.

"Hi mom. I'm okay," Eli said at once, and both him and Clare saw Cece exhale, but they were also aware that she knew that something was still wrong.

Clare gently guided Eli into the house and softly told Cece, "If it's okay with you, Eli and I are just going to go to his room for a little while". After Cece assured Clare that that was fine and that they should call her if anything were to come up, Clare led Eli up the stairs.

She braced herself before opening his door, but when she did, she got the surprise of a lifetime as she saw Eli's beautifully decorated and now clean room.

"Your room looks great, Eli," she declared at once, noticing that his cheeks got the faintest of blushes after her comment. Clare wondered if the same memory was running through Eli's mind…all she could think of in this moment was the promise that they had made to each other all that time ago.

"Thanks, Clare," Eli said, and he was rather shocked to see Clare guide him to his bed. He then widened his eyes even more as he saw Clare lay next to him without the slightest hesitation, spooning into him and just holding him, grabbing his left hand and interlocking it with her own.

Clare then softly said, "Let's just stay like this for a bit while…there's something I'd like you to tell me about. Someone, rather," and Eli replied,

"Clare…you don't have to do this," knowing what she meant at once.

"Eli - that is one of my deepest regrets – not properly ever coping with that news. I should have been more sensitive and understanding and not…jealous," Clare admitted. "I…Eli, I like every single part of you. And she is a part of you, so…I'd like to be able to like her too, and if I know a little bit more about her, I feel that I could do that," she explained.

Eli turned around to face Clare and he brushed a stray curl away from her forehead, and neatly tucked it behind her ear on an impulse that he couldn't control. Having Clare embrace him in his bed, even just as friends, it…meant the world to him. So he reached over to his bookcase and pulled out a leather scrapbook, explaining,

"My mom….she made me this on a recommendation from my therapist. It's all my pictures with Julia. I…only looked through it once, but…if you want to, we could look through it, and I could…tell you," he shyly said as Clare nodded at once, giving him an encouraging smile.

In the end, Eli was only able to make it through half of the album, but he finished the story of he and Julia's time together without the pictures – Clare had gently closed the album when she had been able to tell that it was too much too soon for Eli to look through all those pictures when he had only looked through the album once before. But Clare ran her fingers smoothly through Eli's hair for most of the story as he closed his eyes at the electric sensation and let go of all his inhibitions, for the first time letting Clare see Julia as less of a ghost from Eli's past and more as the vibrant and energetic girl that she had been.

As Eli deeply exhaled at the end of the story, Clare brought his blanket up around them, because regardless of the fact that it was daytime, she knew that all the tears, hurt, and pain that had escaped Eli in the past hour had exhausted him. And as she kept running her fingers through his hair, she felt him fall asleep quickly, and she stayed with him for a long time. Being in his clean room, glancing at the many interesting titles in his bookcase, looking at all of the new band posters that he had collected, seeing his laptop open to a story, she felt…so surrounded by Eli's presence that…she felt so comforted and…at home. As she watched Eli peacefully sleep, his lips slightly parted and his hair pushed to one side due to the motions of her fingers, she allowed herself to examine her true feelings for the first time in a long time…and she knew how she felt towards the only boy who had ever loved her.

And she wasn't scared.

She was…energized, so she slowly slid off the bed just so she could grab Eli's laptop and started typing all the words that she previously could never say.

After she was finished, Clare went downstairs where she had a heart to heart conversation with Cece that both girls would remember for a long time to come, and upon returning to Eli's room, she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead that woke him up, his body gently stirring as his eyelids fluttered open.

"Hey," Clare softly whispered. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I'm perfect," Eli softly answered as he looked into her striking blue eyes.

"I'm going to get going, I…have an article to finish," Clare told him, having by now emailed the Word document that she had been typing into to herself and erased it from Eli's computer.

"Okay. Thank you, Clare," Eli emphatically told her, and she gave his hand a quick squeeze before whispering, "You're welcome," and quietly closing the door behind her.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Eli stood outside the Degrassi doors and took a deep breath, knowing it was just one more day that he had to make it through now. The very last day, he assured himself.

However, when he walked into the school through the main entrance, he got the same eerie feeling as he had the day before – everyone was standing by the sides of their locker, staring at him. However, Eli just inhaled deeply and kept walking – if this was how it was going to be every day, so be it, he thought. However, when he saw Clare and Fiona emerge from the crowd with bright smiles on their faces, he was a little confused, and his confusion only grew when each girl took one of his hands, and Imogen and Liam each gave his shoulder a squeeze as they stood next to Fiona.

Eli then raised an eyebrow at them, but before he could ask them anything, he saw Katie Maitlin pull out what he knew was the last issue of the _Degrassi Daily _for the year, rip its front page out and paste it to the front of her locker. Eli watched in amazement as Sav and Holly J were the next to do so, and everyone then followed the respected seniors' lead, and Eli could now clearly see the main article.

_The Top Ten Qualities of a True Hero _

_ By Clare Edwards_

_ Heroism is…not being afraid to try new things, to boldly enter a new environment. _

_ Heroism is…encouraging someone you care about to take a risk, but always being their safety net should they fall._

_Heroism is…telling the one you care about that you are not going anywhere when they come undone._

_ Heroism is…standing by others who are often judged as a result of people's lack of willingness to understand._

_ Heroism is...caring so much about someone that you always try to protect them, even when they don't see the need for it._

_ Heroism is…being brave enough to accept help. _

_ Heroism is…diving head first into a project that you are passionate about. _

_ Heroism is…bravely changing the work that you have dedicated yourself to when you realize its inaccuracies. _

_ Heroism is…saving a life while others judge and never look beyond the surface. _

_ Heroism is…having the ability to forgive those who have hurt you most. _

Clare saw the light film of tears that flooded Eli's eyes as he read the article, so she just patiently held onto one of his hands and accompanied him down the hallway while Fiona held the other and Imogen and Liam walked behind him, everyone nodding at Eli and smiling….knowing he wasn't the type of boy who enjoyed applause.

They had already clapped for Eli as the curtain fell on 'Love Roulette'. But the warm smiles and few high fives and fist bumps that he received from friends told Eli everything he needed to know.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After receiving a warm hug from Mrs. Dawes and many thank yous for the novel that Eli had presented to her as an end of year gift for all of her support, Eli walked out of the theatre room just behind Liam and Imogen, but he never expected…Clare to be waiting for him.

"Clare – thank you for that article. It…meant the world to me," Eli told her as she shot him a beaming smile in response.

"Thank you for a great portrayal of Clara," she softly told him, and Eli shot her a smirk in response, happy to hear that his final result had made Clare happy, though he was still incredibly ashamed of his original behaviour.

"Can we go feed the birds?" Clare softly asked, and Eli's smirk only got bigger in response.

"Yeah, we can go do that," surprised to hear Clare propose such a thing.

As they made their way outside and sat down on the bench and threw bits of a bagel in the birds' direction, Eli told Clare all about his recent Chapters job training and complimented her again on all her newspaper articles this year, but he was surprised when Clare interrupted him,

"Eli – I…I'm so proud of you, you know," no longer being able to contain herself.

"For what?" Eli asked in confusion.

"For…fighting. You had to fight the toughest thing out there…you know what I mean, right?" Clare softly asked him.

Eli exhaled deeply and said, "I know. But…it's not a struggle that's over yet. I…just feel like now…I have weapons to fight it, you know? Dr. Sadler gave them to me – opening up to her was easy because her methods worked, I could tell that really quickly. But…it's still scary, you know," he confessed.

"Was it…really bad? Really scary, I mean?" Clare asked.

It took Eli a long time to answer and he kept his gaze on the birds as opposed to on Clare as he softly said, "It was. I…just, until that night in the hospital, I didn't understand that there was something really wrong with me. I just thought I was a weird kid; I always have been. Never realized it was more than that. And then, coming back to school, I…messed up. The whole play thing, meeting Imogen at first – we both made mistakes in how we treated each other – it was…I was only digging myself a deeper hole. I just…remember thinking, wishing that something else could be wrong with me instead. Anything but…a psychotic break resulting from post-traumatic stress," Eli whispered, sharing his diagnosis with Clare because he knew that she wanted to know it.

He softly continued, "I remember…looking at my leg and seeing it get better – it was just so obvious, so…tangible. I could move it easier, bend it farther…I could just tell. And I wished that…I could tell the same way with my mind. But there were always good days and bad days, unexpected sights that could make a good day an awful one, and I hated – I hated how I felt like my body and my mind was slowly being taken away from me by something that I didn't understand. I'm a writer, Clare, you know that, and I…was afraid that without my mind, not only could I never make a future for myself, but…I couldn't even function. I'd have to…always depend on others. And…I really didn't want to do that. I wanted to fight. I still do. And Dr. Sadler helped me, and my parents did, and Adam and Imogen did, and Fiona too…and _you_," Eli finished, causing Clare to jolt with the shock of hearing that.

"How did I help you? I…abandoned you," she shakily whispered, and she knew that Eli could hear the emotion in her voice, as she immediately pulled her in for a tight embrace.

"Shh. Shh. Don't say that. I just…on a really bad day, I would remember the way you told me that once upon a time we had something really great. You…smiled, Clare. When you said that to me, you _smiled_. And it meant the world to me that when you remember what we had, it's a smile and not a frown that spreads across your face," Eli said as a tear from fell his eye.

"So…I would just remember you smiling, and I hoped that –" Eli started, but Clare enthusiastically cut him off, asking,

"That we could be friends again?" but she felt Eli deeply exhale as he said,

"I can't…I can't just be friends with you, Clare. You know why," and that admission on Eli's part made her heart skip a beat.

"What if…I feel the same way?" she asked at once, making Eli pull out of their embrace and meet her gaze.

"We…can't do this again," he sighed.

"Eli…I…have been – you think that I have moved on; I had managed to delude myself into thinking that, too, Eli. But what I was doing – it was not moving on. It was blindly trying to forget. I have watched you get better, get stronger all on your own Eli," Clare argued.

"Clare," Eli sighed, "Don't you see?" he asked.

"See what?" she pursued.

"I will _always_ be that guy," Eli sighed.

"What guy?" Clare asked.

"The one you broke up with," Eli deadpanned.

"You're wrong. You did the hardest thing that a human being can do Eli – you not only admitted that you needed just a little bit of help," Clare gently said, "and embraced it, but you conceded to your innermost self and realized that…you had to fix the things in your life that had become unmanageable," she pointed out, hoping Eli would understand things from her perspective.

"Clare…I wish it were that simple. But…there are some things about me that are never going to change. I'm not ever going to be the perfectly adjusted, well-liked by everyone calm and stable boy that you want. But there will be one somewhere. And probably soon. I will _always _be somewhat intense, and fiercely protective – that one…I just…I can't change that, because…I just can't," Eli stumbled, and Clare thought of what had happened to Imogen when Eli mentioned that.

He slowly continued, "I will _always _be maybe a little too passionate, and often impatient no matter how hard I try, and yes – my stories will _always_ be just a little bit weird, and April twenty-second of every year I will _always_ feel…like it's happening all over again. I'm…too much Clare. Therapy has helped _me_ deal with _myself_; it's not going to make me any easier for others to deal with me. I'm just…not what you want. I'll never be, no matter how hard I try," Eli finished, hiding his face in his hands.

Clare was…shell shocked to hear Eli talking about himself in that manner, but…she had something to say in return. Something important.

"Eli…just the fact that you are able to identify and say those things to me shows…that you are quite different from the way in which you perceive your faults. Everyone has both good and bad things about them, and…I know now that it's not all about just the good things. It's about…working things out together. Eli, I…am impatient and rash and impulsive at times, and I have this horrible tendency to overthink things and ask advice of all the wrong people, and I can be naïve a lot…and mean and insensitive at times. But…if there's one thing that I realize I am now is…in love – with you. I always have been, Eli," Clare admitted, and she saw Eli's face emerge from behind his hands, his eyes red and teary.

"I love you too, Clare. I always have. But…I can't hurt you. There's so much…hurt in our past…that I've caused. Hurt that never would have entered your life without me," Eli whispered.

"Stop it, Eli," Clare categorically said. "You think I'm so much better off without you?" she said, now raising her voice. "Did you see what happened to me without you? When I took you out of my life? Did you see? I…lost myself, Eli," Clare sobbed, her emotions overwhelming her at once and shocking Eli as he gasped in surprise. Seeing her like this, referring to what had happened to her, it…was too much for him so he pulled her onto his lap at once, rested her head on his chest and gently ran his fingers through her curls as he whispered, "Shh. Shh. It's okay. I've got you," over and over again.

Clare then shakily said, "I'm not saying it's going to be easy. We are going to have to work at it every day. But I want to, Eli. It's worth it. What we have – it's worth it, Eli," and she raised her head so she could meet his gaze as she whispered, "Eli…you did everything to make me happy, because…you are a really unique type of person. You are the kindest, most loving person I have ever met. You're my best friend," and Eli quickly responded, "You're my best friend too, Clare," before squeezing her tightly and rocking her gently as she calmed down.

Eli then said, "I want to, Clare. Only if you want to – and I promise you that I will work at this every day," Eli whispered.

Clare then softly told him, "I love you. I love you so much," giving him just enough time to echo the same sentiment before she slowly got closer to him and pressed her lips to his. The kiss had caught Eli by surprise, and it was slow and gentle as it started, both of them remembering the patient trust with which their lips had met many times in the past. But as Eli and Clare had both experienced life without each other for the past few months, a sense of urgency quickly kicked in as Clare pressed her body as far into Eli's as possible, and he deepened the kiss at once as Clare rewarded him with a most intriguing little moan and tangled her fingers in his hair as Eli's hands traveled slowly and lovingly across her back. He slowly and gently pulled Clare onto his lap as their lips met over and over again, neither of them wanting to separate, Clare never wanting to leave his lap and Eli wishing for Clare's hands to stay in his hair forever. Although the last thing either of them wanted to do was to pull away, they eventually had to. After Eli allowed Clare a minute to catch her breath, he smirked widely at her and placed a gentle kiss on her left hand, over the ring which he had placed there as Clare breathlessly said,

"Woah," in response to their kiss.

"You can say that again," Eli smugly replied as his fingertips gently caressed Clare's arm. After allowing her an additional minute, he then smugly said, "Okay, so one of those is not gonna be enough here, Edwards, it's been several months," and much like he had all that time ago in the library, he captured her lips at once and shared a kiss with her that contained all of the repressed feelings and emotion of their months apart. And much like that first kiss in the library, Clare was left completely breathless and red-faced, except that Eli did not walk away from her this time, but only held her tighter as he softly kissed her cheek and said,

"I love you. I only ever want to treat you right from now on," looking right into her striking blue eyes and noticing that…they had gotten their unique sparkle back.

Clare softly replied, "I love you too. So much. We're best friends, Eli, we will always stand by each other," she pointed out, knowing that what she was entering with Eli was long-term and that he would stand by her whatever came their way.

And years later, as Clare would fondly look back on that moment at the picnic table and glance down at the ring that she had moved to her right hand in order to make room for first, a diamond engagement ring and later for a wedding band, she would realize, with tears in her eyes, that the lucidity that she had had in that moment enabled her to…predict her entire future with Eli. Through the difficulties of university and ensuing job searches, to starting out nice and slow as adults, to a sunny wedding day in the church in which she had been christened, to the birth of two beautiful blue-eyed curly haired girls and a dark-haired boy, and to absolutely everything that she was sure to come in the future, Eli had always consistently done more than just his profession as a writer to perfection. What he was even better at, if such a thing were possible – according to several critics and bestsellers lists, being number one was impossible to beat – was…standing by Clare's side, protecting her and later their children as well, and…just doing everything to make her happy.


End file.
